My husband?

Question

is obsessed with paying the rent and actually gets angry if I pay a bill. He makes me beg him for money & says he'd rather quit his job than pay bills also. Every time I tell him to do something he says no & I have to tell him many,many times before he finally does it. I used to sell Avon but he is forcing me to quit because all of "his" money is going there. Instead of paying a bill,like the gas or electric,he gives THAT money to the landlord! All we do is argue & fight about money & he has the mind of a 2-year-old. What can I do?

Answer 1

wow your husband needs help, get some counseling or leave him, he is too controlling

Answer 2

Go house hunting/apartment hunting. Find a place that costs less than what you are paying now - or at least find a place that costs less than what you are now paying & includes the utilities!

As for him making you beg for money - do NOT tolerate that! If you are spending more on Avon than you are making, then it is an expensive hobby - not a job. Do find/get a job where you can have some money to either help with bills - or to create a cushion for when you do have to divorce him!

Do not nag him. DO tell him how it is - the type of control issues that he is displaying is categorized under Spouse Abuse.

There is a saying - If he is complaining about how you manage money - he needs to look in the mirror and look at the worlds worst money mangement trainer!

There is a great web site on Managing Finances Wisely - http://www.providentliving.org whether you agree with their religious doctorine is irrelevant - the financial information is excellent!!!

Two big things contribute to divorce - money problems are #1 - sexual problems are #2.

Do what you can to earn some money - and/or save money. Use coupons. Check the sales. Find 'scratch and dent' stores - you can sometimes get just as good of quality - but for a fraction of the price if you can find a scratch and dent store. (Often in the shipping district of your biggest city.) I once got a diaper wipe warmer (which cost over $20 in other stores) for $5 at the scratch and dent store! (Same brand - same quality but I think the box had a _small_ smudge on it!) I was not planning on keeping the box!

Budget 101 also has some links to assist you with finding grocery sales, as well as recipes for making your own copy-cat versions of more expensive packaged meals.

Sit your husband down, and tell him that you need to sit down together and develop a budget - so you _both_ know what money is coming in - and where it is going out - and when! And, you need to go over your budget and see where the money is going! A coffee latte (for instance) can add up to a LOT of money that you may not actually have! So - give up the 'luxury items' and focus on the neccessities to start with! Before we married, we discussed the costs involved in my working outside the home - by the time we paid for childcare and eldercare, transportation AND my working wardrobe (work clothing) - my working outside the home cost MORE than me staying home as a full-time Mommy! However - we also have had an agreement - my husbands 'job' is to provide for the family - rent, medical, insurance, dental care, food and clothing, and utilities (if/as needed). My income - if and when I have it - is for the luxuries. If we go on vacation - it is out of 'my money'. If we buy a boat - it is from my 'money'.
Now - if I am not working, how do I get 'my money'? If I have set aside $200 for groceries, and my coupons and rebates, etc. save me $180.00 - that $180 goes into _my_ savings account. It is no longer 'his money'. Though, honestly there is no 'his money' and 'my money' per se. Though everyone does need a bit of 'personal funds' - whether they want to buy a soda pop, or save it for a rainy day - or a special treat out.

Last but not least - each of you should have your 'back-up, emergency money' - when I was a kid, my foster-Mom had me keep $20 in my wallet - not for 'spending money' - but if I needed to call a cab, or cover the difference on a restaurant tab, I wasn't 'flat broke'. You both need to know how much you need in 'emergency money' - that you do not have to 'cough up' - or 'hand over'. However, if it has had to be used for an emergency - then that $$ does get replaced in the wallet!

Then - once you have a budget that you can live with - and you are working towards financial solvency - if your hubby still is refusing to pay bills - or has a fit if you pay a bill. And or if he is still trying to be a control freak. It is time for one final bill - divorce court. (My last divorce only cost me $10! It pays to know a few things!)

Answer 3

It sounds as if your husband is trying to control you. When you marry it is no longer her money and his money it's your money. To spend as a couple, whether that be on bills or whatever. I would just talk to your husband let him know how it is making you feel, and ask him how he is feeling. It might just be that he is stressed about paying the bills. Maybe you could discuss getting a part time job outside the house. It would help you gain some independence from your husband and it would take some of the pressure off him as well.

Answer 4

Does your hubby only make enough money to pay the rent? Or could he pay the bills too? Is he putting all the money for the rent, ahead of the time and over the amount to be paid each month? My father taught me to pay: rent, bills, food, clothes as needed, extras after that. Does your hubby have a mental problem? Or is he that controlling? Wish you the best Take care.

Answer 5

hello friend.
first of all, calm yourselves, please. i understand what you R gng thru. you cant live with them and you cant live without them situation!
your question is not very clear, but i get the gist of it.
my cousin was once having serious marriage probs. she tolerated and tolerated and one fine day decided to give the ultimatum to her husband.
they went to a park and she told him every little thing he had done to upset her. she said, either he change or she will walk out on him. he really got the message then. THEY R HAPPILY MARRIED FOR 15 YRS NOW.
pls dnt take any rash step. marriage is something sacred.
TRY TALKING TO HIM.
secondly, do NOT give up ur job, in fact, BE SURE to be financially independent. that way you have ur own identity which is a must for every woman and it goes a long way for your self-esteem.
if you are a smart lady, i dont ever wanna see you "begging". okay?
pls respect yourself and the world will respect you.
moral of the story: give it a good shot, try your best and give him a last chance. if it duznt work, then extract urself from this miserable situation.
all the best. show us that u are a gutsy woman!

Answer 6

ALLS you can do is pray. MY friend had a husband like that.SHE called this prayer line 1-918-495-7777. You may get a recording but hang on they will pray 4 you. Prayer changes things. AND i am praying 4 u too.

Answer 7

boy what a loser. hes obsessed with keeping a roof over your head. heres a suggestion, if you want your husband to do something stop nagging him constantly. the more you ***** the less motivated we get. heres another suggestion, stop asking him to do it and do it yourself. p.s. what the hell does it matter if the gas or electric get paid if your homeless???? man your dense.

Answer 8

Get a job of your own, and do what you want with the money you earn. Come to think of it, divorce him first.

Answer 9

Get a real man that isn't scared of you having a mind of your own.

Answer 10

He is a huge control freak, he will not change you need a new one.. good luck. Key word there is freak, ok get my point