Should i betray my hubby ?

Question

After 15 years of marriage....and been a faithful wife all these years, finally i discover that my hubby is having an intimate affair with his married colluege. And its been going on for years.
I really feel betray.
When i confront him, he tell me everything and told me that the affair had ended since last December. And when i ask him to divorce me..... he wont but promise me that he will not repeat the mistake. Should i give him another chance?But i still cant forget what he have done to me.

Recently..... i get to know someone online.... and we started to chat everyday and i feel that we can get along well.
He is a married guy tho. Should i con't with the new found relationship or better prevent it before it messed out the situation?
Please leave me some advice. Thanks.

Answer 1

You shouldn't do it just because he did it to you !! That would be for all the wrong reasons!! Two wrongs don't make a right !! It only will or could make things wrose for you too ! You have to givce your self time to work through what he did to you, you have to go through the pain, the hurt.... you shouldn't jump right into another relationship after being hurt like this!! you can get hurt again you know??!! you need time for your self tofigure out what you want in life !! yes you can forgive but not forget! No it'snot easy and never will be! Yes it take two if you want to work it out! He has to do everything you ask of him if he wants you to forgive him. You can't keep bringing it up If you stay with him and choose to forgive him, or it won't work !! Maybe go to counsleing together !! If its what you want, then go to counseling with him or what ever you need to do , do it, if you need to talk to him about it then he must listen!! and must talk ! you have togo through the process of everything and in time you will know if you want to stay with him or not, is he worth it or no? you will knw later, ask your self alot of questions about your reaationship ! out way the good and the bad in him !! write down all the good about him and then write down all the bad about him, read it over and over, then which is greater the good or the bad?? So you;ll know if it's worth trying to work it out or not ! Good luck !

Answer 2

Right now you are feeling hurt, let down, and angry. I think that the only reason that you even went online is to get back at your husband, however two wrongs don't make a right. Don't do something that in years to come you will regret it. It's his lose! If you can't get over it and think that you should get out of the relationship then divorce him and then look for someone better. Just don't do it while you are still married. Keep your dignity and rise above the situation. There will be a day in time where he will realize that he miss used the best thing that ever happened to him.
By the way, the guy you are talking to is married. Why place the same hurt and pain on another woman that your husband placed on you. You know how if felt for your husband to cheat on you, don't let it happen to another being. Sure, if you don't cheat with him, he'll probably find another willing lady to cheat with. If he was such a outstanding guy then he wouldn't be looking for women to talk to on the Internet anyway.
Keep your head up and don't stoop to his level; be better than that.

Answer 3

Well ur question is very simple and is a fact which has to be accepted. U said that u had a wonderful life for 15yrs ditching him back would make no impact on a person. If u really want to continue with ur husband I think meeting some other person isnt the solution. If this had to be done it had to be done long time ago. I seems justified to u coz ur husband did a mistake, why do u also want to commit the same as him. I understand its difficult to forget the pain. But time is the best medicine u have to give some time for it to vanish. If it doesnt then maybe u can choose to live without him and then go ahead with ur facies but not really with him. It would then put a bigger issue before the both of u.

Answer 4

Dear Lady heart
Think how you felt. Rule don't date any one you would not want to marry unless you are looking for one night stand. Do you want to marry a guy that would cheat on his wife? As far as your husband is concern do you believe him. Does he say he is sorry to where you believe him? why did he do it? I feel there is only two reasons why a person should have an affair. One the spouse has had one first. the person you are having the affair with will be your next spouse. Your spouse will not have sex with you they are using it as a tool. Again the person you are having the affair with will be your next spouse. Never have an affair to get even you may end up killing your self by STD I knew a girl that did that it was very sad. Good luck you are smart use your brain and do as now and think before you do any thing.

Answer 5

you sholud sort things out with him.. you don't haf to betray him for pay back? if you cant help it anymore, just divorce him.. life is to be enjoyed.. don't fret over this.. can you see urself being sad and betrayed over this fr the rest of your life? you've got to move on with or without him.. firstly, can you see urself without him and happy in the future? can you see urself with him and happy in the future? take some time to think bout the love that you once had.. maybe it's still there.. you jus gotta look deeper...
"You think of the right thing to say just after you shut the door" - that's when it's too late.. so step back and have a talk.. think about what you have to work on and don't leave each other hanging.. i'm sure you want ur marriage to last. also, the other guy, he's married! what wil his wife feel if she found out? she'll feel the same way ur feeling.. betraying ur husband will make you somewhat the 'same standard' as the woman he was cheating you with.. do you wanna be the same person? so you knw, do the right thing.. i'm not saying what i'm advicing' is the right thing to do, i'm just suggesting... good luck [: all the best in ur marriage!

Answer 6

I can understand why you would feel hurt and betrayed. but if you love him and you still want this marriage to work out then you hvae to do more than forgive. another words if you forgive him you have to really mean it and not bring it back up in his face again or any time you have a fight throw this ex lover in his face. this will only cause more friction and tension in your marriage this is a time to heal. we all make mistakes some worse than others but we can forgive and move on if thats what both of you want. some men have private affairs for 10 years or more you just happened to find out.

now about this married man you met on line you think you could have something. think about this are you doing this cause your angry and hurt by what your hubby did so your doing this to get revenge or get him back or even hurt him . cause if you say yes to any of these its not good in the end for you both.

also this married man is probably lacking something in his own marraige whether it be a cold wife or a woman who doesn't care about his needs or lack of communication. but they won't leave there wives or there children very few anyways. so you will just be a lady on the side for him can you live with that. and give him what he's lacking from the other woman but can't expect the same treatment back in return as you know he isn't willing to do more than what you two have planned on chat. so you will have to think of all these things and find out if you can live with doing this. and if your found out and caught you have to be ready for the worst or maybe your husband will forgive you back. its hard to say only you two will know when you have gone through it.

I would say to back off. two wrong dont' make a right and this could snowball into something much worse if your both doing this to get back at the other. If you love him work it out forgive and move on . whats happen is hard for you yes. would be hard for any woman i would think but if you can get passed this and you still love him you will both find a way to work things out.

good luck

Answer 7

Hello,

First - your husband is a cheater, and the odds are very high that he will cheat again! Also, your husband has no respect for you, and that is why he has cheated.

Do not ask him to divorce you - you need to divorce him! You are the one with grounds. Eventually, you will need to forgive him - (hate the sin, not the sinner). But, you also need to have enough respect for yourself that you can move on - and move up to a better man. (A real man is not weak in his relationship with his wife!)

I know that there is a tendency to go for 'tit for tat' - but please do not do so with your on-line friend! Why would you put his wife through what you have just felt?

Did she do something to you?

Also - if the guy you have met on-line is married -and- 'cyber-cheating' on his wife, what makes you believe that he would not do the same thing to you, if you both divorced your current spouses and hooked up/married each other? Neither of you would trust each other - and you would be basing the new relationship on a basis of disrespect!

The best thing you can do with/for your on-line friend is to respect his marriage - and his married status. Do not discuss _anything_ (and do NOT make phone calls!!!) that you would not want to have his wife 'find' - or if he has older children (reading age) to find, and read to the family during Thanksgiving dinner (for instance).

If he complains about his wife - scold him for that! He is in a marriage, and if nothing else, he needs to work on _that_ relationship!

Get your own divorce from the little boy you have discovered you married - then go forward, and find a fantastic man who will treat you like a woman who has self-respect and therefore deserves the love and respect of her husband! And, whatever you do, do NOT sink to the same low-life level of your present husband!

Answer 8

First of all, you must realize that men can have sex without becoming attached. Sex is merely physical for men. It is a release. Can you say the same? I bet not, please, do not feel duped for being virtuous, you are special, and your husband has probably realized this, this is why he came "clean" if you feel that you have missed out on something, (probably why you are having a change of thought) then remember you can never undo what you have all ready done. Get a worthwile hobby, there is candlemaking, pottery, yoga, pilates, the list goes on. These hobbies are more worthwhile than a fling that will leave you hollowed out and used in the end. Good luck, BTW forgive and forget what your husband did, if you cant forget then you have never forgiven him. He needs a hobby as well, there are several guy things a guy can do to make himself feel complete. There are kit cars and woodworking. Just to name a couple.

Answer 9

my husband did exactly the same thing to me and it end in Aug to the best of my knowledge what i want you to know is that you would definitely be the better person to at least give him one chance but you can't chat everyday to married man and feel that you get along because remember someone had you played for a fool so don't do what the woman did to your marriage, really try to let your husband show his promise to you and if he messes up then you would be freed from any guilt of a divorce knowing you were always the honest and faithful one. keyword honest meaning if you are chatting w/a married male and you truly don't see that it is improper then tell your husband or just stop the chatting and focus on how your husband of15 yrs is treating you please for your own peace of mind consider these things..you can only help you to be a better person

Answer 10

There is no greater pain in this world then to be cheated on by a spouse. So, yes, I can relate to all the feelings you are having. And you probably thinks that by cheating on him will make you feel better, NOPE it wouldn't, you will not feel any better, just worse. If you think your marriage is at a dead end and it is not worth trying, then do the honourable thing and walk out.

Why would you want to put another woman through exactly the same pain that you went through? Tell that dumb a** husband of hers to get off the computer and spend time with his wife.