My wife and I have been happily married for a few years. During her pregnancy we didn't have sex after the first month, and then for almost five months after our son was born. Being sympathetic with what she was going through, didn't press the issue during the pregnancy, but a couple months after he was born I began to bring it up. She had some pain associated with the c-section, and didn't feel comfortable with her body, so I was willing to wait a while longer. Finally, after a year of celebacy, we had sex a few times, but she had pain and some bleeding. She's been to a doctor, who's been unable to find a cause, and it's not lack of lubrication. Now it's been a month and a half. I don't want to hurt her or be unreasonable, but she's not willing to give oral (size and gag reflex, she says) and if she wanted it and it was painful for me, I would do it for her. I feel like my needs are being ignored., and wondering if this is not a reason but an excuse. Am I being unreasonable?
2007-02-23 17:33:15 · 6 answers · asked by Killer B 2 in Health ➔ Women's Health
if shes bleeding then there is a real physical reason, she needs to see a new doctor , a specialist , i went 20 years suffereing with endometriosis and cancer before i got decent treatment, i did wait 6 months after the cancer surgery, but then it was my husband who didnt want me anymore because i was no longer a woman in his eyes. the two of you have to make some sort of agreements but she has to deal with her real physical problems, most women who are mothers of small children dont feel very sexy anyway, but she needs treatment then the two of you need marriage councelling. you should have figured out before this time that she wasnt going to do oral then shes really not much into sex anyway. such is life, most men arent happy with marital sex, men are chasers, they want to bag the woman and then drop her and move on. read the book men are from mars women are from venus, she needs a lot of wooing and compliments now to help her feel more desireable but she has a real medical situation she needs to have delt with properly. then maybe she will be a sexy old granny like me. lol oh, married 40 yrs almost and still chasing the old men.
2007-02-23 19:43:07 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since I am a female, I feel a bit guilty answering this, but I see a big problem. Is she suffering from post-part tum? I think right now all the attention is towards the baby, which is pretty normal of course, but I think you need to get the "romance" back into the scene. It's time to get a sitter, and slowly romance your wife. She is probably very tired, and sex is the last thing on her list of things to do. Also, maybe she needs to go back to the Dr. and talk to her about not feeling like she wants to have sex with her hubby. For sure, don't nag your wife, but don't just let this slip by. Good luck!
2007-02-23 17:48:17 · answer #2 · answered by sue d 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should take your wife to another doctor for a second opinion. Something is obviously wrong when she is having painful sex. Painful sex is very real for many women. The fact that this doctor cannot see it is cause for bad doctoring.
Your needs are not being ignored. Your wife has a medical problem and you need to be more understanding. Some women cannot do oral sex.
You could compromise and have her do a hand job or do it between the breasts.
But, yes, take her to another doctor for a second opinion. A woman if possible.
2007-02-23 17:44:24 · answer #3 · answered by Tara662 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Did you have any indication that she might not be that into sex before you married, or before your child was born? It's kind of an important thing to know... even if you didn't have sex before marriage, you could guage how much she WANTED to (I think there should be a fair amount of suffering on both sides if one is abstaining before marriage, it's a sign of a healthy sex drive).
Anyway, has she ever been the victim of sexual assault? Perhaps unknowingly (as in, early childhood)? There are lots of possibilities. It sounds like a therapist specializing in sex and marital issues would be the best choice here. Anyone who's reasonable sexual needs aren't being met in their marriage (and yours sound reasonable) has a problem that they have every right to try and solve. Of course you should be gentle and patient, but you've been very good so far, so I imagine you'll continue. But don't just give up, or the frustration will build until any hope of solving the problem will be gone.
2007-02-23 17:43:32 · answer #4 · answered by Singinganddancing 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are not being unreasonable. However if she has bleeding there is definitely something wrong. Go find another doctor (or maybe the same one) and both of you go. Then tell the doctor everything. Leave nothing out for modesty's sake because that could confuse a diagnosis.
2007-02-23 17:52:54 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
We have sex once a week no matter what.
Usually early saturday morning. Wear a condom and us some KY. Sometimes it is just between her legs or on her tummy other times it is normal vaginal intercourse. You shouldn't risk the health of your prostrate over her controlling you with her vagina. This is just her making you suffer for her decisions.
2007-02-24 00:32:23 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋