Are you adopted?

Question

I am adopted but feel really screwed up inside. I am married but I feel it hard to be married because my personality is all over the place? Anybody else out there who is adopted with something they call " Adopted Child Syndrome?" I am looking for answers. Thanks.

Answer 1

I'm not adopted. But my youngest brother & sister are

Answer 2

My Name is Dontwobears. I am over 50 yaesr old and I was adopted when I was a baby. I am also a full blooded American Indian. So why do I tell you these things? Here's why;
I was an American Indian
Adopted by a White Couple (Military)
I grew up in the Orient
I have a Korean Sister and an Aleut Sister
My Ancestors in Alaska lived there for thousands of years (Cold)
The Orient is HOT
All I ever knew was that My Blood Mothers first name, Nancy

Can you say "Slightly troubled"?? What I thought was funny, no one else did. All I ever heard was "What pretty Oriental Girls and you are............???" and the reply was "He's an American Indian"
and then "Oh my!! What an unusual Family". Have you ever seen an American Indian with a Beatle Haircut?? It was strange at best!! Then once my Friends found out I was an Indian, it was "How!! (You know, their hand raised up) or Ugg!!" "Whomppim" I think you get the idea now, it was crazy to ssay the least.
When I was 41 years, my blood Sister found me and put me in touch with my Blood Family. I have 2 Sisters by Blood and 5 Brothers, of which I am the oldest and first born son. I Met my Mother Nancy and found out that she was the Tribal Shaman, did the medicince for the Old ones. Since she has passed away, I guess I am now Shaman. But I live in Texas.
Guess what??? I'm not strange anymore!! I'm normal and we all laugh at the same things, think about the same. I even look like them!!! Yee Ha!!
But.....I'm an Indian, my heart is that of an Indian. I Love all of my Family, my white Mom and Dad too. Life is strange from beginning to end, if it wasn't.....what would we all have to laugh aat??
YOU are not strange, unless you want to be. Be happy with who you are and give thanks to God for your Life, your Loves, your sorrows. It is called Life on Earth and you only get to live it once, so choose wisely and live like there will never be a tomorrow.

Answer 3

You’re not screwed up; you’re experiencing symptoms of the adoption loss. Everyone’s journey through adoption is different, but we all tend to share a similar set of feelings.

“Adopted Child Syndrome” is not recognized by the DSM but often is characterized as “attachment disorder” now. You may find your issues with marriage have nothing to do with the marriage itself, but rather trace back to an inability to commit and attach because of an inner fear of abandonment. Or it may have nothing to do with it - only a lot of work on your part will tell. Some who refer to Adopted Child Syndrome today tend to lean towards adoptees who commit crimes as an adult. This page has more information on the Adopted Child Syndrome

http://www.amfor.net/acs/

I would suggest the following:

1-Accept yourself. The first and hardest step, and one you’ll need to repeat to yourself often.

2-Forgive yourself for whatever “stoopid tings” you think you dun.

3-Educate yourself. There are countless books on the topic, but as you are specifically seeking answers on the “Adopted Child Syndrome” I’ll start you off with two directly related to this:

The Primal Wound: Understanding the Adopted Child, by Nancy Verrier

Coming Home To Self: The Adopted Child Grows Up, by Nancy Verrier

You can find the author’s website at http://www.nancyverrier.com/

Nancy Verrier is an adoptive mother and psychotherapist who writes in a very personal and healing manner. Although she is not an adoptee – she “gets it”.

4-Heal yourself. Seek out an adoption support group, and from there search for referrals for qualified therapists who understand the delicate and complex needs of adoptees as adults. Not all therapists understand adoptees – you should find one who has in-depth experience and education with adoption issues.

Also, I’m expressing opinion rather than answer at this point, but my opinion is you should seek one who has personal experience with adoption as well, as either a first parent, an adoptee, or an adoptive parent with an adult child in reunion. End opinion.

Again, your own journey will be different and unique. You may have had adoptive parents who understood and supported you; or you may have had parents who tried but were not given the support nor education they needed.

You may be like Dontwobears in his fantastic post above who not only experiences issues with adoption, but had the added journey of transracial identity and loss as well. Thankfully he was blessed by an incredible sister who sought him out and gave him his birthright he is entitled to. If you are a product of a transracial adoption then you should also seek out support that address this issue as well. I can’t speak to this being a Caucasian adopted into a Caucasian family, so I did not have the additional disconnect that many of my friends describe.

Most important, go back to step #1, lather, rinse and repeat. Best of luck to you in your journey.

Answer 4

i am not adopted and i feel like that!!!
or i wish i was adopted because my family drives my nuts and i look at them and wonder "Who the heck are these people and why are they talking to me?"

Answer 5

No I am not adopted, but might going to adopt someday...lol

Answer 6

I'm not adopted...but i kinda know how you feel.
If you love your faince then you should get married. Just don't be pressured