Problem with a friend? What should I do?

Question

All through high school, I had never made friends easily and now I'm having issues into adulthood.
Specifically with this one:
She and I became friends because she was my manager.I still frequented this place even after I quit and now my hubby works there. When he started working there, she and I began to hang out and then hubby and I started hanging out at her place with her and her family. We are pagan and we had other things in common and we started a coven together. This is basicly just a religious group. She and my hubby were the leaders because I am almost a decade both of their juniors.
She and I got really close and she even performed my wedding. Then, she started to get stressed and 'handed over the coven'. Now she is mad because I didnt keep her informed and she wont even talk to me. She says she will call when she feels like letting me in her life again, and that I have hurt her so much. I just dont get it. I dont really want to write her off but she did REALLY hurt ME!

Like I said, she said that she is ignoring me because I wasnt keeping her updated on how everything was going.I didnt do this because she wrote us off because she was 'too stressed'. I didnt want to add to her stress, so I let her be with her busy stressed self...

Answer 1

Dearest WerRaMiew....you did nothing wrong. It sounds to me like your friend...who started out as a stranger and you let her into your life is dealing with issues that run deeper than what she is letting on. I am not saying she isn't hurt by not knowing what has been going on in the coven...but if she stepped down and wanted to continue to be a participating member outside of being priestess she could have indicated her wishes quite easily. She cannot assume you would read her mind on the matter, but that is just what she appears to be doing in this case. Perhaps the best thing to do, is to be honest and tell her that what was the intention was to avoid adding stress to her already overstressed life, but that you have no problem with keeping her informed of coven business if she were to just ask you to do so. She chose to step down from not only her position, but from attending the coven itself. It isn't a guilt that you should carry on your shoulders....or in your heart, but perhaps the guilt you are feeling is more because you know a dear friend is acting out in pain at something she regrets giving up and you assumed it was truly what she wanted without asking her if there was another way to handle the situation that would keep her involved in the circle. If I was in your shoes, I would tell her that the coven is there waiting for her, and that she is always welcome back if and when she is ready to rejoin her sisters and brethren, when she feels strong enough again....perhaps just knowing you all haven't abandoned her is all she truly needs to know....she is most likely feeling that she has been left to her own devices to handle her stressful situation...and is regretting her hasty decision to pull out completely after having a hand in the creation of it. Giver her some time....but let her know you are still there if she needs personal support from either you and your husband or the coven as a whole...but don't take the blame on your shoulders for her actions...gently remind her she made the choice because of her situation, but that she is free to re-enter coven life if she feels strong enough.....she would gain greater support within the coven's circle then by being left to stand alone outside of it. You are a better friend than you are feeling you are....so take heart.

Answer 2

I am not familiar with pagan... so I certainly can't speak about that. But what it is that you didn't keep her informed about? Is it something that you really should have? If not, then WRITE HER OFF! People that let anger rule their lives are MISERABLE people and ya know what they say about misery... it loves company. You don't want that.... but again, I don't know the entire story obviously but I do wish you good luck!

Answer 3

well first of all is u see her around..ask her why??

then if she doesnt tell u..give her time

~TaNya~