Philosophy---I have confidence problems and I usually don't feel like I belong.?

Question

Somedays I feel really unattractive, unintelligent, boring, dull...etc. I feel like I have nothing to say. I worry about people asking me questions because I feel that I will say something stupid. I'm in college now. I thought by now I wouldn't have these problems, but they still remain buried inside of me. I see a psychologist, doesn't really help. I feel like a loner, but I am always socializing. I don't easily trust people. I feel akward and strange at times. Where do I belong? Sometimes I think I will settle for anyone who I feel comfortable around because so many times I feel so uncomfortable around someone I truly like. I'm weird, different, stupid. That's how I see myself. What to do?

Answer 1

Your question is very relevant to my way of life too. There have been few excellent answers to your question. I myself suffer from confidence problem and am very much like you. I don't see psychologist cause i think it'll only make you more hypochondriac. It's far better to post questions in yahoo answers and get replies from people who have had first hand experience with the similar issues. They'll be able to tell you how they overcame those problems. Leave psychologists for really serious problems.

I am a university graduate and I did well at uni but I lack confidence. As a result, I've always struggled getting right jobs. I am still facing this problem. I recently lost my job and I've already planned to get married in next few months. At the moment, I feel a bit miserable. I still lack confidence. I am getting better but still not very good. I am a very introvert person too. I have many ideas, I believe I am creative but I lack motivation and confidence to work for someone else. But I won't give up. It's my life. I have to care for myself. Maybe things will improve slowly but surely, I hope.

If you wanna talk to me and share your problems, feel free to email me. This is applicable to other answers too. We are on the same boat. Maybe we should all help and encourage each other. Or perhaps we can create something our own. Think about it.

Answer 2

What to do? I would say your own thing.
Instead of trying to fit yourself into a place or a world that you or society thinks you should fit into, carve your own place. If it's a special place, others will follow and try to fit with you.

In terms of feeling like you have nothing interesting to say, well, I'd say that is a matter of opinion. You asked this question -- and you got very good response (and I'm not saying that just because I answered : ) But sometimes it's just a matter of talking to the people who find what you say interesting, not changing the content of what you say to fit the likes of others.

As an exercise, challenge yourself. What drives you? What are your philosophies in life or about life? What makes you tick? Understanding yourself is paramount, and when you have a question like this again, you'll already know the answer.

Cheers!

Answer 3

I've kind of been in your situation. I'm in a marching band, and I played the flute. i didn't fit in with anyone else, I didn't feel right being in that section, even though I got along with everyone, I just didn't feel right about being there. And then someone said you should move to the tuba section. And even though it was new and completly different from what I was used to, and I was scared it wouldn't work out, I did it. And It's one of the best choices I've made in high school. I found the group of people I felt comfortable with. Maybe you just have to find the right people to be with too, or do something that your afraid to do because you don't know what the outcome will be. I know my pathetic situation shouldn't even be compared to yours, and I'm sorry for trying to sound like I understand, because my guess is I don't. But when I moved on to something completely different from what I was used to, it worked out for the best.

Answer 4

You should congratulate yourself for being a thinking, sensient, human being! You are on the right step by seeing a psychologist. However, if that person doesn't help you, you might consider another psychologist who does help you & you can relate to a little better & perhaps has suggestions to get out of your funk.
I'm sure you have many positive attributes. Why not remind yourself of how good a person you are? I'll bet there are many people who have good things to say about you, too.
In addition, it's a positive thing to be the one person who has nothing to say b/c people really only want to talk about themselves. Ask others about themselves. Being a good listener is a huge plus! You will learn a lot about people that way. People really like someone who listens & understands them. You're a good person - and best to you!

Answer 5

We are all weird in our own ways, and doesn't that is what makes us unique and special? Celebrate that, and you will automatically start meeting people who will respect you for who you are, since do too.

You can use this forum to increase your confidence level easily, just start answering to all the questions you feel like answering. The forum you feel like visiting again and again, that is where you belong to.

Soon you'll know what kind of people you will feel comfortable with.

Don't worry about sounding stupid, most of us do, to someone or another!

Answer 6

You are not alone, and you are special, people who think that they are"all that" are the ones who should be worried. It is good to be humble and not everyone should be a dazzling star, there are enough of them, focus on your goodness, be a good listener and the conversation will come to you, don't just talk to be the center of attention, I am always more intriqued by someone who is quiet and speaks with honesty and sincerity, I felt like you do, when I was younger, but I realized that I am not impressed with most of the people that I was worried about impressing, so I mostly sit back and listen and try to enjoy "the show" and most of the time it is a bunch of stars competing for attention, and I am glad I am not an attention junkie.

Answer 7

A large portion of my life I have felt the same way. I graduated from college with a great G.P.A and absolutely no recommendations. I was too afraid to go ask my professors because I never participated in class. I often scored highest on tests and such, in fact one Professor asked to interview me to be his T.A., then when I came into class and he realized who I was, he declined. Since college, I realize now, none of the GPA crap mattered. Why did I fear. I'm now in a deadend job I'm completely unhappy with, doing work I feel beneath my potential, all because I was afraid to share with people who I am. Fear is so useless. I'm planning to get my life together and go back to school to get my Masters. I know its easier said than done, but kick fear to the curb. It holds you back. I had to burst my bubble and it took some major life shifting, like jumping off a cliff, literally, but now I am so much more honest with myself. I'm sure you have a lot to offer, just the fact that you are in college says that you are above average intelligence or at least have ambition. Lets not be afraid to share who we are. Life is too short. I love music and I've just started to perform in front of others, it took me forever to do this, but I find as I share my talents, I improve drastically. A talent is useless unless shared. I hope I'm not sounding preachy. If anything I'm preaching to myself. I have to hear myself say this over and over again, because I'm like a groundhog who pops his head out for a while, than burrows again. Anyways, Goodluck.

Answer 8

Understanding and love kiddo ... there are a lot of good answers here already ... so I'm not answering ... but I do care!

Good luck and you don't need the shrink unless something else is going on.

With love;
Jonnie

Answer 9

There are so many people who feel just the way you do! I'll let you in on a secret...I think just about everyone feels this way at some point. I think even the most seemingly self-assured, calm & confident person struggles with some self esteem & self-doubt issues. Some people are just really good at faking it!

I remember when I was younger & I'd look at people who seemed to "have it all together." I felt inadequate. I thought, I'll never be there. I always felt like a bit of a misfit. I suppose I am but I just stopped worrying about it! Embrace who you are! Love yourself. You are a beautiful person. Don't worry so much! Don't compare yourself to others.

The best advice I can give you: Love yourself. I remember reading a quote "Treating yourself like a precious object will make you strong" & it's true. When I am good to myself, I feel better about myself. At this stage in my life I suppose I've achieved some measure of success. I have a good-paying job (though I hate it!) a beautiful home which I bought by myself, I have many of the things that I figured were "grown up" but I still don't feel "grown up"! I'm still the same person inside, the same insecure vulnerable girl, shy, lacking confidence. Yet the more I stretch my boundaries & take risks & achieve success, the more I realize that I'm stronger than I thought & maybe I'm not doing so badly. It's very empowering when you do something that terrifies you & actually succeed. Courage isn't the absence of fear. It's feeling the fear & doing it anyway!

Things scare me but I do them because I don't want to live in a prison of fear (like my mother did). I get up on stage & sing my songs for strangers & I'm so nervous I almost think I can't breathe but somehow I do it. You can do it. Whatever your dreams are, go after them. You are stronger than you think! Don't doubt yourself. There are a lot of people who feel just the way you do. Most of them are just good at faking it! There is nothing wrong with being a little bit shy but don't let it overwhelm you. Some of the most brilliant & talented people throughout history have been painfully shy. I have a soft spot for neurotic sensitive people. Sometimes they're the most intelligent. The more you think, the more you worry. But try to give yourself a break. Try to relax. (I know it's easier said than done, I'm still working on it myself).

You will be ok! You're not weird, different, stupid! You are unique, special, intelligent (stupid people wouldn't even be worrying about whether they're stupid! It wouldn't occur to them!) Don't worry so much. It's ok to feel a bit uncomfortable around people. I'm a bit of a loner myself (it's part of being an artist. I'm a painter & songwriter. Creativity is born out of spending time alone...) Nothing wrong with that. We can't all be social butterflies. I wouldn't want to be. The key is just not to focus so much on yourself & your perceived "flaws" focus outward (on nature, friends, family, things that make you happy) which may help to relax you a little. Sometimes you may feel like everyone is judging you which can make you anxious. When you take the focus off yourself & realize that you're not the centre of the universe & that most people are too wrapped up in themselves to notice you then it takes the pressure off.

If seeing a psychologist isn't helping you don't have to keep doing it. You can talk to someone else you trust. There are also countless excellent self-help books on building confidence, dealing with social phobia, etc. Do your research and then work on it yourself. You can do it!

Stop being negative with yourself (this is advice I need to take as well!) if you label yourself negatively you will start to believe it & feel that way & then you almost make it real. You are your own worst enemy! Be nicer to yourself. You are the best friend you could have. So practice saying nice things to yourself. Use positive affirmations: I am attractive, intelligent, interesting, scintillating. I can get along with others but I also like my time alone. I am comfortable. I am unique and special & smart!

Try it!

Good luck!
Remember you are not alone. People don't all wear their hearts on their sleeves. Some of them are very good at hiding their insecurities. It doesn't mean they don't have them.

Answer 10

In my faith, Christianity, we feel that we are children of God. As children we have all the rights that go along with that. That includes the rights to fail, the right to be misunderstood at times, and yes, even the right to be loved. When you begin to love something outside yourself and particularly God, you can begin to love yourself. Give yourself a break, you are young and intelligent and sensitive. Realize those things and appreciate them for what they are -- a developing, rational and loving human being. You are wonderful!