I go to high school with my friend marrisa, and shes pretty heavy, but she has a beautiful face, other than shes like 40 pounds heavier, she has a figure. but she wont go on a diet, but you see, when she was like 10, she was walking in town on her way back home from school, and a man raped her, and she dosent know how, but he stabbed her 6 times, and she lived. Well she was so scared she thought that if she made herself less atracive, guys wouldnt like her. Well she did, she gained alot of wieght. Now shes 16, and weighs 185 pounds, but shes traumatized and she dosent want to lose the weight. But what breaks my heart, is that shes been like this since she was 10, and she has NEVER had a boyfriend, becuase she is heavy. And shes a great girl, funny as hell, she won funniest female of years 3 years in a row at our school. And anther thing is guys make fun of her alot,and it makes me mad bc they dont know why she is like this, what do you think i should do? what would make guys like her?
2007-02-23 16:46:14 · 13 answers · asked by ♥Cristina♥ 4 in Health ➔ Men's Health
also, whats your prespective on a heavy girl? why wont you give her the time of day? and if you wont what could she do to make a guy notice her? i just dont know what to do. She is very depressed becuase she thinks its her personality.
And i think until she gets over it, she wont lose the weight for a while.
2007-02-23 16:47:57 · update #1
i hope your friend is seeing a therapist. Just living with it and trying to deal by being fat is NOT going to do anything but make her more miserable. She is deliberately manifesting self-loathing, which is a terrible cycle. please please, don't worry about GUYS. that is so lame. She needs a lot more than a boyfriend at this point she needs counseling. Imagine a girl with that fragile a self image actually falling in love at that fragile of an age. If he broke up with her or it didn't work out she could be suicidal... or at least take it really hard and be in a worse place. The best thing you can do is get her to see someone and take control of her self esteem and let go of the past as best she can.
You're a good friend, though. Sweet thought. take it a step further and help her out.
2007-02-23 18:46:10 · answer #1 · answered by MJPeeper 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She doesnt need to lose weight just to find a boyfriend. At her age..and yours..all guys think about is sex and all they look at is a girls body...its sad but true. The boys are not worth her...they arent good enough for her if they wont give her a chance and get to know her. I know from experience. I have been overweight my whole life. I weighed 200 lbs when I was in 8th grade. I lost 20lbs that summer but I have gained it all back and I am now a freshman in college. I am not ugly, and I dont even look that big but guys still wouldnt even give me a chance. If the people I went to high school with really knew who I was and what I was like then they would be very surprised because all they saw was a smart, shy, big girl. She really deserves someone that likes her for what she is and her personality and not how much she weighs. Every girl deserves this. I am now in my FIRST relationship with a fantastic guy that loves me for ME. What I thought of once as ugly and big, he sees as beautiful. There are guys out there that arent shallow and dont have their heads up their a**es, and that is the kind of guy that she needs. Someone will come to her in due time. You cannot fasten the pace of love. Just help her to become outgoing, she already has the personality. What else should a guy want?
2007-02-23 17:27:24 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're absolutely right, she needs to get the whole experience out of her system, she needs counseling and let it go. It's in her subconscious. Happened to a friends once, very bad overweight and once she was done with the counseling, went on a diet, lost the weight of her body and her mind and has never looked back.
She is beautiful inside and out. You need to be really supportive of your friend, but her parents should seek help for her.
2007-02-23 16:54:32 · answer #3 · answered by Mightymo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
in a sad answer there might be nothing u can do..its really all how her brain wants to take things and ther eis no real way of changing that..i mean u can try to convince or u can try to find her a man who likes or loves her as is..there is somone for everyone its just a matter of this girl coming out of her own shell when she feels its time for it..im sorry if i didnt help much but i wish u two the best
2007-02-23 18:31:05 · answer #4 · answered by ohitscrusty 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this girl needs some counseling, she needs to get over her past history and move on with life.
I know, traumatizing events can change ones life and they're hard to over come, but she's young, shes already been able to talk about the rape with you, which to me is an incredible start.
as for her to get a guy, i wouldnt worry about it right now, that's not a priority, guys come and go in a girls life, and you're not even in college yet.
i think once she gets past her trauma, she'll be better off, also right now, what's her take on guys? does she even trust them? knowing her history?
you're telling us, that she's a funny girl, w/c is great dont get me wrong, but is she hiding behind being funny to suppress her true thoughts and feelings toward the opposite sex?
the answer to this question i think goes beyond just finding a boyfreind. first you have to get her to gain self confidence and get some therapy, once she has that self confidence, i think then she'll be ready to tackle on the the rest of her issues, ie, gaining weight... her gaining weight is not good either, it's just not healthy, physically or mentally.
so theres a couple of things... one, therapy, two, self confidence, with her gaining self confidence, she'll be able to do "normal" things, go out on dates most likely a double date, etc... and three, the biggest one of all is gain some trust with others.... and know who to trust... 4 then once she gains the confidence in herself i thnk she'll want to lose the weight on her own.
hopefully things will work out for her, and i hope you can help her out, but pls dont be too pushy, cuz first things first, SHE MUST WANT to do this on her own. if she doesnt want to help herself out, then no one is going to change her mind.
2007-02-23 18:56:53 · answer #5 · answered by QsD 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Two things came on my mind:
1) Though it is hard, but tell her to let go of her past. Let her past not drag and hunt the rest of her life down in the drain.
2)Tell her love and attraction run deeper than the skin level or just outlooks.
2007-02-23 16:53:03 · answer #6 · answered by purplemollies 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wait for her to find the right guy who likes her and she trusts and likes him. it will work out dont worry. plus since ur a girl n love to shop (what girl dosnt?!!?) walking around the mall a lot is good exersize. or walking down the block or something. think about it. the little things are exersize. good luck!! =]
2007-02-23 16:55:10 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
being fat doesnt stop a girl getting dates, i weigh 240. she needs mental health professionals to get her past the fear, she doesnt want male attention thats why she doesnt date. its not that guys dont like her, but teens are terribly cruel. she needs to talk all this over with someone who knows what shes gone through and i bet her family never delt with this situation.
2007-02-23 19:13:42 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
but 80 percebt of guys whant to grab a s s if theire is no love and they think that they don't get in love with a fat girl cause theire are huge but i think she must stay a little while to get a boyfriend cause that boy will not like her body no he will like wgat is inside and that wiil be true love i' m not of those guys who grabs asses i actuelly one of the most popular kid in my school and i have a fat girlfriend cause i saw inside her what a great girl she is and when we becane boyfriend and girlfriend she started on a diet
2007-02-23 17:05:30 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
i think u should jus tell her u like her..
n tel her no matter wht happen u wnt to be her boy fren..
help her to let go the past..
and to start a new day..
god give a new day to the one who want to take it..!
good luck
2007-02-23 22:28:49 · answer #10 · answered by You think you know me? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋