If your ex husband called you and asked you if you would take over his parenting responsibility so he could take a two week vacation? Of course, I said yes - have a good time. Then I find out he is going back to his home state to visit his family. I got upset with him because I think he should take the kids. They have not seen their grandparents in two years! He wants to take his girlfriend - the one he had an affair with and left us for. Am I the bad guy here??
2007-02-23 16:13:44 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I don't think so. When I was married I always told the kids how special grandparents were. I'm adopted and I know my birth mother and she was just as much a grandmother to my boys as the other grandparents. Your ex should definitely take the kids, you never know when something might happen and the grandparent pass away. Kids should have as many happy memories with there grandparents as possible.
2007-02-23 16:19:13 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, you're not the bad guy here, you have a reason to be upset that your children are not being included in this vacation to see their grandparents. Maybe your ex wanted to be with his girlfriend by himself, without the kids this time, so his family could get to know his girlfriend without the distraction of the kids. What you ex should have done is taken vacation home to see his family, just him and the kids and the next vacation bring the girlfriend for the family to meet. The kids should come first, the girlfriend should understand that. If the vacation hasn't happened yet, talk to him and see what he has to say, if you don't ask you will never know what the answer might have been.
2007-02-23 16:44:22 · answer #2 · answered by robotchic 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Alana, You definitely have a very good reason to be upset with him. There is no way you are the bad guy in this situation. Sounds like you ex is a jerk and thinks only of himself. Would your kids be able to take off for two weeks to go see there grandparents when he plans on going? I would think they would like to see their grandchildren after two years absence. But then again do you want them to be there with your ex's girlfriend. If your children are upset that they can't go with their father, make him explain to them why. Don't let him continue to hurt you over and over and over. Unfortunately, he is the father of your children and you will have to have contact with him. If you haven't already talked to someone about all you have been through with your ex and his leaving you for this other woman I suggest you do. They will give you skills in how to cope, manage, and ultimately get over this man and his manipulation of you. You will learn how to let it all just slide by and he will be totally amazed and dumbfounded.
Hang tough girl.
2007-02-23 16:30:38 · answer #3 · answered by jehrapha 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well though it will be a good chance for you to visit the kids....it would be really great for them to see their grandparents!! However, maybe it is akward to take the girlfriend. If I were the grandparents I would be a little upset that I wouldn't get to see them but they get to see some new lady that they already don't have feelings for.
2007-02-23 16:30:03 · answer #4 · answered by hambone1985 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't be upset. The guy wants his parents to meet his new girl and it is not convenient to have the kids there. Just like if you want to show your new BF to your parents, would you bring your kids? I am sure the grandparents want to see the kids and how do you know they haven't seen them for 2 years? Seems that you are concealing your rage behind the kids about him showing off his GF.
2007-02-23 17:10:27 · answer #5 · answered by Sir Richard 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
On a personal side, yes I would feel upset - but after all, he is responsible for his own actions and the consequences they bring. If the kids grow to resent him for his actions - that is on him. Not you. You were simply doing what you should be doing - taking care of your kids. There is no substitution for good parenting. Do not accept the responsibility for his lack of it.
2007-02-23 16:23:04 · answer #6 · answered by foxxzymama 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well technically he didn't say where he was going on vacation.
But yes I would be livid.
Think of the grandparents and how they would feel.
Then again would you want the kids around the G/F?
At least you get to spend extra time with the kids. He's selfish and irresponsible.
2007-02-23 16:18:54 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're not the bad guy, but one of the hardest things for me to learn after my divorce is that my ex was entitled to live his own life. If he asked you to take his parenting time, then he's free to do as he wishes.
It is too bad that he won't take them. Did you ask him to? If not, I would CALMLY call him and broach the subject with him.
My ex (who is army reserve and was activated) comes home on leave to see our boys and also his girlfriend. When I learned once that he was coming back for two weeks, but only spending a few days with the boys (the rest with the girlfriend) I privately asked him to not let the boys know he was going to be in town longer than the amount of time he was going to spend with them. I didn't want my boys hurt, or to think that their dad would rather be with his gf than them. But, he deserves to spend time with his gf (and yes, it's the one he left me for), he has the right to his "single" time.
It's not easy to stomach, especially at first. But let's face it, men aren't as skilled as we are at planning trips, or how to fit in everything that we want and need to do.
Patience dear....I know its hard, but for your kids' sake, teach them compassion and understanding. You will come out looking great to them in the long run!!
2007-02-23 16:23:02 · answer #8 · answered by salemgirl1972 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all.. just curious are guys of the same sex.. u said am I the bad guy here?
anyways... so he didn't exactly lie to you but didnt tell you everything.. hmm luks like he is making his new girl something more and it wud make sense to not take kids..
are kids fine with to be new mom? try to find out what they want?
and yes.. I don't see anything wrong with you. u were nice enough to say yes..
2007-02-23 16:19:35 · answer #9 · answered by masku darling 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Heck no, your not the bad guy in this situation. He should have taken the kids along with him. He is either self-centered or the new gf in his life doesn't want to be bothered with the kids.
2007-02-23 16:29:25 · answer #10 · answered by luscious0071 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋