Do i love my children if let this happen and am i bad person?

Question

Hi i am kerryanne i am 20 years old i have a girl nearly 3 and i 6 month old boy basically i take very good care of my children and lots of people say that i am a good mother BUT the father and i started of really well we clicked, we agreed, we had fun and that was 5 years ago and it feels as if i dont deserve my children because my partner their father is always hurting me most of it is emotional abuse i get so stressed out some times to the point i can not face the day but i do I CANT GET OUT OF THIS RELATIONSHIP i am not happy he is always saying i am a bad mother and everything i do is wrong or bad. Like i made a really big mistake 5 months ago i had a affair and i had fallen pregnant and i really wanted this baby and my partner said if you have this baby you will never ever see our babies again, or wind up dead. so i terminated it four days ago and i really want my baby back. please help me and tell me what i can do anything will help or my email adress is [e-mail]

Answer 1

i think you need to see a professional....you seem to hve gone through a lot of trauma.....
And if you want to do what is best for your kids get out of the relationship as soon as possible!!

Answer 2

Kerryanne.

Look I don't want to make you feel bad, but I really don't agree with affairs. It doesn't matter what position your in. However I do understand how you are frustrated in your current relationship which could have led you to do what you did. It's surprising don't you think? that your husband still wants to be with you even though you had an affair? He gave you an option, a harsh one, but an option all the same. You choose to have a termination against your will, but to continue being the great mother you are to your children.

At the end of the day, what's done has been done. I do think that you should consider you options and think about separating from your husband for a while at least. Obviously taking your children with you.

It's difficult I know, But I can only wish you the best of luck.

:)

Answer 3

nolove youre not bad you were bombarded with accusations and threats and for the love of the children you have and the need to be around them to raise them you let the unborn child go.now be brave again take the babies you have and carry them away from this enviroment.goto a womens aid and get all the help you need including counciling for the termination.dont carry on in this sad relationship that will make for sad children.And when youve been there a few days take a look at the kids and ask yourself this question again and you will be able to answer it youre self.its living under all that stress and verbal abuse thats a,him telling you youre bad and b,not being able to think straight to see youre not.what you did wrong was fall in love to young both of you blokes are very insecure at that age full of hormones and you had to settle into being a mother.I feel for the both of you but his behaviour actually prompted you to seek comfort elsewhere.you may find when hes not having to be a partner as well as a parent he will do the second one better.And you will have youre witts about you with the pressure off to be an even better mum!

Answer 4

Listen, my darling, you CAN get out of this relation and not only that but you MUST get out of this relationship. This man is a bully, a manipulator and a control freak. He doesn't love you, he may say he does, he may even think he does but a relationship like this is not based on love. Don't worry about material possessions, just take some clothes for you and the children and get out to the nearest women's refuge. If you can't (or haven't the energy) to find out where this is yourself, make an appointment with your GP and tell him or her what's going on and ask for help. He has chipped away at your confidence till you no longer believe in yourself and that is what's giving him the power in your relationship. Take back control of your and your children's lives while you still can. Do not be afraid that your family will blame you for any of this. I'm sure they'll just be so thankful to have you and your children away from this man.

You are 20 years old, you've still got your whole life ahead of you please please don't waste it staying with this apology for a man. You will be doing your children so much good to get away from this environment as well. Do you want your daughter being brought up to believe that this is how relationships should be and ending up like this herself and your son learning that this is how men treat women? You sound like a marvellous mother so if you can't find the strength for yourself find it for your children. Trust me - everyone will be on your side and you will be protected from him by the law.

Answer 5

get out get out get out, find a safe home for women and leave with your children.

there is help out there.

spot the pattern, he meets you and its peaches and cream. Then he gets emotionally abusive and so on. Spot the trend? do you seriously in your heart think this is going to get any better?

not a nice subject I know but what if he kills you and your children are left with him? will he hurt them? can you swear he wont- this is there lives too not just yours.

Children pickup all kinds of stuff and as they learn wrong before right- eg violent argument as oppose to diplomatic talk, they have their brain wired to think violence and emotional abuse is the only way to deal with a problem.
dont think they can see? think you have hidden the arguments? think again. Kids pick up on everything, the smallest so looks, the way you hold your self, the atmosphere. It becomes there normality and they will seek this out in later life. They will stand a very good chance at being hurt or becomming -like your partner, a bully.

get some help or you will end up regretting it. Things will only get worse unless you or both of you make changes and big changes.

Answer 6

Oh darling I'm so sorry for your loss. It sounds to me like your partner is going to 'punish' you for the baby, i might be wrong. You are in morning now for the baby you lost and need time to heal. I think you and your children would be better off without this man in your life. You deserve better. Go to your doctor tell him how you feel and what you are going through he might refer you to a councillor, what you have gone through you may need help to get over. But i don't think you are going to be able to do that while you are with this chap. If you have any family or a close friend you can talk to let them in. You need support, not abuse and heartache from someone that is supposed to love and care for you. Good luck sweetie. xxx

Answer 7

You've been through alot at such a young age. I believe yr a good Mum, but you need 2 start looking after yourself too. This relationship is obviously no good, speak to family 4 support, Once u realise that having a man around doesn't make you happier then u can start enjoying yr kidz and yr life. Take a break from men (& pregnancy). Speak to yr GP about councelling, talking to someone who wont judge u is v.important. Good luck & think positive. You can do this x

Answer 8

hi kerryanne,


Can I ask you a few questions?
Do you love yourself? Do you like yourself? Do you treat yourself the way you would like others to treat you? Do you think kind thoughts about yourself?

It is our responsibility as individuals to do these things, no matter what anyone else may think about us.

First of all, if lots of people are telling you, you ARE a good mother, maybe you could believe them, rather than the one person who is saying you are not.

Secondly you don't actually have to believe or accept any of the negative put downs your children's father is giving you, unless you want to believe them?

So, what do YOU want to believe about yourself and your parenting skills? Write them down.

Repeat these good and loving messages to yourself every day.

Here are some examples of loving beliefs you could say to yourself.

'I am a good person'
'I am a loving person'
'I deserve to give and receive love and respect'
'I am a loving parent to all my children'

Start with loving yourself no matter what, and soon you will experience more love from others.

I wish you well.

Regards Aartisans

Answer 9

Well there is nothing you can do now, what I would do is file a police report on your husband and if what you say is true and he is really threatening you the courts will 100% give you your kids, and then you can do what ever you want while your husband is behind bars, or has a restraint order where he cannot come 100 feet distance of you.

Answer 10

Kerryanne.... YOU CAN GET OUT OF THIS RELATIONSHIP.... ONLY YOU CAN DO IT....

Your partner is abusing you emotionally, and now you are beleiving his negative comments.....

If he is hurting you physically, you need to get your children away from him, as he could turn on them too.

I don't know what part of the world you are from, but ... in the uk there are women's refuges that "hide" families like yourself, and help you overcome your fears and help you regain confidence and eventually rehouse you.... I am lucky, and have never had to use one of these homes, but you need to get to see a social worker or your doctor as soon as possible and ask about this... informing them of his physical and emotional abuse.

I am so sorry to hear about your predicament and sorry that you terminated your pregnancy.... but, although times are really bad, and dark, and you cannot see a way out, I can assure you, that once you seek help... outside your family and your partner's family, things will start to improve.

Good luck and lots of hugs and support to you.... please..... you can do this, and you can get away from him.... even if you don't think it is worth the struggle... it is .... for the sake of your children, as you don't want them to perpetuate his behaviour in their adult life!

Answer 11

If he is threatening your life you need to leave and take your children. Do you have any family that live in the city where you live? Go to a women's shelter if you have to. You need to call the police on him and go file a restraining order. Just don't tell him that you have one. So the next time he abuses you, when you call the cops, they can arrest him.