Should I run away from home!!!? First off I should specify I am 28 years old?

Question

my sons father and I live together, I wouldnt say were "In Love" but we do have love for eachother and normally peacefully co-exist.
Tonight we argued it got really ugly, I work nights and he feels I dont do enough when I get home, he stays with the baby at night but the baby sleeps for at least 12 hours I on the other hand get home at 7am and cant leave to baby in the crib all day so I tidy up and play with him and hit the bed at 1 so that we can nap together point is he called me everyname in the book because I didnt pick up the dogs poo from the yard, Its not my dog and when I wanted to get rid of the dog he said "You dont even have to deal with him" So now here I am at work its my last night and Im off for 3 days weve only live in MD for 9 month all out friends and fam are in NY. During the fight I said I was moving out he said If you leave dont think about taking my son (he is a decent dad but not great) I want to jump on a bus first thing in the AM and go to NY....

Should I show him what its like to really take care of a 19 month old alone. I know I might be making a bad situation worst but I also feel like he needs to see me do something drastic DO I DO IT??? He has no respect for me I bust my hump maintaining the house taking care of the baby cooking, laundry and he doesnt help at all I complain every once in a blue but normally I just do it all myself. HELP what do I do???

FYI I dont mean run away forever just for the weekend to take a breather and return on Sunday if not I think Im shaving my freakkin hair off!!! lol

SO MANY OF YOU CANNOT READ ITS NOT OUR FIRST FIGHT WEVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR 8 YEARS I WASNT MOVING TO NY I JUST NEED A BREAK AND IVE NEVER WANTED TO TAKE THE BABY FROM HIM BUT IM NOT LEAVING HIM WITH HIS DAD WE SHARE CUSTODY OR NOTHING.... SOME OF YOU PEOPLE ARE REALLY JUDGEMENTAL AND OBVIOUSLY DIDNT READ THE QUESTION THRU....

Answer 1

When I here situations like this I just feel so sad. You are in a domestic jail with a warden for a man.

By the way picking up the dog poo should be his freakin job as the man. Especially if it is his damn dog!!!

OK! You are going to have to fight for change and that will take drama. How much I don't know, it depends on the players involved. Leaving should not be an option unless it is really bad, although your situation doesn't sound all the critical. I personally would apologize for threatening to leave. Let him know it was done out of desperation.

You have to learn not to be a wimp. If you can't have a knock down drag out fight with a man and feel physically safe you are with the wrong man. You have to stick up for you in this relationship. Be willing to go the distance for your own happiness. Let him know you are responsible for letting him get so lazy at home but now you are going to take charge to change it.

Sit down and talk to each other. Be willing to listen to his point of view without interruption but demand the same when you speak. No matter what hold your ground. Let him know you are not willing to be his domestic slave anymore. Ask him what he thinks is actually fair but don't take crap from him. Be willing to let things go down hill for awhile. Most men after meeting oposition in a week of so start to come on line when they realize you are right and not willing to back down.

Good luck...

Answer 2

So you would just run out on your child just to prove a point?
My parents were seperated when I was about that age, probably younger and now I don't have a mom, lived my whole life without her. You know what. I would normally say: I don't give a sh!t about her, she's gone that's her loss. I don't care where she is or even if she's dead. : but you see that's not true. I will live without her for the rest of my life. And my baby cousin, he parents serarated and don't want ANYTHING to do with eachother. How do you think she will feel when she grows up tied between two parents who hate eachother, but claim to love their daughter. I know what you're gonna say, " i'll be back in a bit, i'm not deserting them" but even if you only leave for a little while, and come back before your child is even 2 years old, it will affect your child, you might not know it but it will. If you are going to have a child, you must be ready to do whatever you can to give them a good life. Don't ruin your child's future (which trust me it will, I should know) over a stupid fude.
Don't do this to your child. don't.
If you care about your child's future, take my advice.

Answer 3

If it didn't get physical and you're not afraid for your safety, just take a deep breath and sleep on it another day or so to see if you still feel the same way. I think that having children does put some extra stress on relationships. I would just strongly suggest you be sure that that is what you really want before you do it. It is not fair to a child to not have some stability. Either stay or go, that's up to you, but going back and forth is not good for your child. So be sure of what you want to do first.

Answer 4

It disturbs me most that he is using his child as a bargaining chip. He knows you love the child. So, he dug deep down to press the button that would really get to you. You, testing him. by threatening to leave him. Does not help my friend. You don't want to jump on the bus, that will solve nothing. You do need to jump on the phone and find a marriage counselor. You both need to do this together, because instead of using that child as a bargaining chip, you both are responsible to make sure that child has the healthiest of lifestyles. This is not about you two anymore, this about the child. If marriage counseling does not work, then find a fair way to make sure that child suffers no more. Find a solution HEAD ON. Don't abandon the situation like a coward, as tempting as it is.


P.S. You should of posted additional details sooner. Please do not judge those answering what you had before the additional details. Before you added additional details, it sounded like you just wanted to pack up and leave forever. We can't read your mind. We just took the question at face value, when you had no additional details.

Answer 5

Hanging my head in shame, I use to be that neglectful mother, wife. Until, one day when my husband became physically violent with me and my oldest daughter out of frustration. Not making any excuses for his behavior, whatsoever. My daughters were 18 and 6 at the time and begged me to stop prior to that horrible incident. I just couldn't stop I needed this for up to 23hrs at one time. I placed myself into therapy along with my family. We all learned the art of dialogue which has really helped us tremendously. My suggestion to you is write a letter to your mother and let "Her" know how she and her addiction has effected you. How much you need her in your life especially right now at such an impressive age. This is one of the most important developmental stages in your life. She could read the letter over and over without being interrupted and hopefully something will sink in before it's too late. Don't give up and leave, keep your faith and things will get better.

Answer 6

Take you and your son to a close family or friends house for a few days....leave a note telling your hubby that you need to think somethings thro and will be back when you're ready....also in that note tell him things need to change and get better between the 2 of you or you and your son is NOT coming home anytime soon and you'll see him in court! Sometimes leaving one for a bit helps them realize what they had....sometimes not! If not then it's time for divorce...if so then he will be a better hubby and dad! Good luck!

Answer 7

Everyone needs a break once in a while,talk with your husband and set up 2 weekends,one for you and one for him.One stays home,one goes out of town for the weekend,or motel room or whatever.It will clear your mind,give you needed rest and make you miss and appriciate your mate.My husband is a hunter and I think it has really helped our marriage that we get a break away from each other. Good Luck

Answer 8

Working nights is tough on any relationship.. and I can imagine it's even more difficult with a small child in the house..

Before you "run away" try to compromise. Make out a schedule. Include work hours, sleep hours and home hours.. work out an agreemtn of what you will be able to do during your home hours and put it in writing.. and like-wise for him. If everyone does their agreed part then thing shoudl run a bit smoother.

Answer 9

take out a piece of paper and draw a large t on it. On the left top write "Cons" and on the right top write "Pros", then under those headings, write down how your feeling about how he is treating you, and your feelings on the justice of the situation. It will be a real eye opener towards your decision process.

You can often times whittle those pro's and con's to fear. Read each collum carefully and find the motivating link between each. Your answer will be right before your face if you are full and unabashedly honest.

Answer 10

Do you think it is fair to take his son away from him? How would you feel if he did that to you?

I think you better think this through a little more.

Fighting is part of a relationship. And my goodness it doesn't even sound like a fight over anything of much significance. Definately not a deal breaker.

Take a deep breath. And learn to stick it out. He is your family now. You dont run away from family. You love and accept them even when they drive you crazy or do something mean.