I have a boy who is 9 from my first marriage and I just had another baby with my current husband My husband has an adopted child with his ex-wife who is 4 now. After she left him for another guy the kid lived in our house most of the time. The ex always makes up stories not to take care of her adoptive child. While pregnant I used to take care of him but after I had the baby, I told her she needed to take care of her son because he needs her now and I am busy with my older son and the baby, she got kind of mad at me, but she finally took him with her. It's been 2 months now, and today she told my husband that she wants the kid to go live with us back again because she feels she does not love him anymore My husband says he is also his son, and if she doesn't want him, he does, but at the end I will be the babysitter,What do I do, so she does not take advantage of me and takes care of her son. I know adopting is a good cause but I am overwhelmed and she is the mother,not me, help!!!
2007-02-23 15:55:45 · 11 answers · asked by susy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It is very sad that this mother does not want her child. You must feel resentful toward this woman for her selfish behaviour. You didn't mention if the child was visiting you during the 2 months when he was staying with his mother. Perhaps you can work out an arrangement where he visits you on the weekends, and during the summer holidays. Your husband certainly seems to be stepping up to the plate, as far as his parental responsibility is concerned, hopefully he will help with the childcare. However things turn out you are destined to become more than just a babysitter to this boy. I can understand you being overwhelmed with an infant to care for after 9 years. I'm sure in time that you will find a place in your heart for this little boy, regardless of how you feel about his mother right now. And if your husband and you decide that it will be best for the child if you have full custody, then things will eventually fall into place. Good luck to you all.
2007-02-23 17:03:35 · answer #1 · answered by rozie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I find your attitude about this very interesting. You state "...but at the end I will be the babysitter;" and "...she is the mother, not me." Well, you ARE the mother -- by virtue of marrying this child's father. I feel sorry for this poor child. You may not be his or her biological mother, but you are the child's step-mother. You could have a bit more compassion for this child, I would think. I am a step-mother to my husband's son and my husband is a step-father to my daughter, together we have a son. We do not think of the children from our previous marriages any differently than we do our own son. When people ask my husband how many children he has, he says two sons and a daughter. I say the same thing. We do not even allow the word "step" in anything we discuss or feel about our family. We are a FAMILY not a STEP-FAMILY. I also wonder how much of the way you feel about this child has to do with the fact that he or she is adopted? I ask this because you mentioned the "adopted" part several times. Adopted children are no different than any other child. I should know, because I was adopted, too. I'm also very disturbed by the fact that you refer this child as "the kid" twice. Doesn't he or she have a name? Even if you don't love this child, you could respect it a little more by at least referring to it as "my husband's son."
Your husband has a legal obligation to support this child, and part of supporting it means giving it a safe place to live, whether it is on the weekends only or full-time. If his ex-wife wants to have the child live with your family, I would certainly make it a legal arrangement through the court system -- including making her pay child support and carry insurance on it.
You state that "...but I am overwhelmed..." Well, guess what? You have two children. Many woman have more than that, work full time, take care of the house and other obligations, etc. You are not the only one. Ask your husband to help you, if you're truly that overwhelmed.
Sounds like this child has had a bumpy start in life. The only mother he or she has ever known does not love him or her anymore. That is a very cowardly thing to do. It sounds like you are not much better by being selfish enough to only think about your own two children and not give your husband's son any consideration. I think you need to sit down and do some very serious talking to your husband, and if you can't find a way to accept this child, love this child, take care of this child, and protect this child, I would say that your marriage stands little to no chance of surviving and you will find yourself all alone to be "overwhelmed" by taking care of your own two children. Maybe you'd like that better.
2007-02-24 00:22:05 · answer #2 · answered by Vicky L 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh puh-lease!!!! Sweetheart, my boys are 15 months apart and were in diapers at the same time, terrible twos/threes...you name it, I was there. People have three children all the time, and I don't see ANY on here wondering how to pawn off their responsibilities on someone else....
Oh yes...did I say "responsibilities"?? Yes I did. It's not like he kept his son a secret from you....it's not like he was adopted YESTERDAY!!! You got married to him KNOWING this was going to be part of your life.
You're asking for trouble with labeling this kid as "the adopted" one....why not just stick a big red A on his chest to make him feel MORE out of place!!??
This poor guy has a worthless mother, and a basically worthless step-mother.....You had better hope that nothing ever happens to you or anything that would make your husband have to find a new wife because he's obviously not that great a choosing women, and you would hate for your precious newborn to be treated the way you're treating this innocent child.
Ugh....and this is my edited post.
2007-02-24 00:15:00 · answer #3 · answered by salemgirl1972 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
She needs to be told that if she gives up this child, the state will NOT give her another if she asks.
You can get some help financially from her in the form of child support if you guys take over primary care. Use this money to hire a house keeper. This will make your time with the kids more relaxed and you won't be as tired.
Don't forget to tell your hubby "his kids too, his work load as well!"
2007-02-24 00:01:06 · answer #4 · answered by mrscmmckim 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh Honey but you are the mother now remember you married him and now that makes you step mommy. The kid needs you and how can you be around him so much and have no feeling of what is going on with him or where he will go? Don't you think the poor kid is pretty confused by now and might need you. You can't keep your kids over him and put him in the back. He id his father and you married his dad so own up and help the poor child.
2007-02-24 00:01:25 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
If she doesn't love him anymore than ask to to sign over parental rights to you as his mother. He is only 4 and if you have been taking care of him what does it matter if he's your biological child or not.
But of course make sure your husband realizes that he has to help with his son.
I'd say give the child the love he needs, he will thank you as his mother one day.
I raised a child that wasn't mind for ten years and I defintely am more of a mother to that child then the biological one.
2007-02-24 03:57:46 · answer #6 · answered by LC 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She will have to pay child support. You do get the rough end of the deal. I am sure you are understanding that it is your husband's son too..but like you said you have to take care of it if the mother neglects to. Maybe I'll see you on Judge Judy
2007-02-24 00:35:01 · answer #7 · answered by hambone1985 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she is not going to properly care for her child, then your husband should assume custody (and get child support from the mother). The boy needs to have a stable home. i know it will be difficult handling 3 children, but you would be doing that boy a great kindness.
2007-02-24 00:06:57 · answer #8 · answered by M Fox 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
he is your husband's adopted son and some one needs to love the child he probally feels unloved and not wanted your husbands ex don't love or want the kid so i guess its up to you and your husband to care for him and give him a home
2007-02-27 22:51:00 · answer #9 · answered by sweetgranny06 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you said I do to your husband you took on his child which you should consider "your" child as well. We all get overwhelmed but to single a child out is WRONG!
2007-02-24 00:01:02 · answer #10 · answered by QuEEn B 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋