My 14 yr old daughter is very popular and very sweet to her friends but when it comes to her very own family she is hateful. She talks down to us, treats us like we are stupid and acts like she is discussted with all of us. She is always yelling at her 17 yr old brother and telling lies to get him into trouble and giving her step father the "i don't care attitude". she has been grounded from her cell phone,landline phone and computer and from her friends and still she doesn't understand she is hurting the feelings of those around her. I have also over heard her and seen some of her writting to other friends and she is talking badly about other kids. please help me find ways to stop her from gossiping and hurting others verbally.
2007-02-23 15:44:28 · 19 answers · asked by crazykat 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
Reminds me of my 17 year old sister...
teenagers...
Well right now she does not respect you at all, and seems like she would much rather hang out with her friends. This is quite normal for girls of that age. Let her now that you are boss, but that you also love her and care for her deeply. It really depends on how she is as a person, but try to get her "on your side" again, whatever that will take. As a parent, it is your job to teach her the difference between right and wrong. If you do not, it will only get worse, I promise you.
So intervene. The best thing is communication. And I will guarantee that she will not be thrilled to talk to you, but you have to work at it and make her like you again. Also, since I am 16, I can say that I hate it when my parents are annoying (like petting me or just being annoying. So please dont be one of those parents).
Anyways, tell her about the whole hurting others feelings. If she has a conscience it should make her more aware of her actions. Ask her, what if you were that kid whos feeling you are hurting?
good luck!
2007-02-23 16:21:03 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
I would have to say that there is something going on here, and since the discipline isn't working, then you will have to explore other ways to handle the problem. I would suggest sitting down with her and talking to her, no distractions-no tv, no phone ringing, no borthers and sisters, nothing to offer any distraction at all! Talk one on one about what is happening and how it is affecting others in such a negative way. Tell her that you want to help, but that she has to help you in order for you to help her. She is going to have to tell you what is going on to make her act this way.
If she doesn't open up to you, I would try to start finding a professional for her to talk to. Maybe she will open up and absorb what someone else is telling her, you know from the outside looking in.
She needs to realize that other peoples feelings matter and she can't just walk all over people, this behavior will follow her into her adult life and you don't want it to affect the rest of her life. Take care of the problem now.
Also, I would maybe evaluate the children you are allowing her to hang out with. It is a strong possibility that this is a learned behavior from being around some of her friends. Not that this is an excuse, but it may be the source of where this started,
Good luck and high five for taking action to help correct this problem. I wish more parents were like you and tried an active role in their childrens lives.
2007-02-23 16:02:28 · answer #2 · answered by jen 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hey, you have one of those joyous teens too, I thought I was the only one, mine is almost sixteen ( I know how you feel, so sorry). Most times I just ignore the behavior unless it is too much or is out of line.
Talking bad to you or about others is never acceptable and you may have to intervene, though. Ask her what her motive is to gossip or hurt others, is she unhappy with herself, her friends, her school, her family, her life, what. Make sure she knows that every action or words she spouts off will in turn come back to her when she least expects it. Unfortunately most times they have to learn from their mistakes, especially when her friends change sides, it's a true lesson that they'll never forget.
Let her also know that her family right here, loves her unconditionally and will only take so much of her attitude. If she can't say anything nice to anyone then she shouldn't say anything at all. Her lying to get her brother in trouble, will come back and bite her in the end. The times she tells the truth nobody will believe her (once a liar always a liar) .
I really feel for you and fortunately my daughter has kept her lips in check (for the most part). I see the light at the end of the tunnel and I'll be ever so glad to sit in the sidelines and enjoy watching my daughter raise a stubborn girl like her.
2007-02-23 16:31:12 · answer #3 · answered by trojan 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
plan a summer trip for the family maybe it will help her get re in touch with herself and realize that her family is all she really has. Not everyone is lucky enough to just up and go on a summer vacation tho. I would try writting her a very long letter maybe. When I was a teenager me and mom fought all the time and i was prolly disrespectful and hurtful as well i think it was just a phase for me and thats what i hope ur daughter is going thru. I really thin the vacation will help tho mom and her husband did that and i ended up having alot of fun and i changed a bit from that. You can make her volenteer work for a hospital with sick kids and teenagers homeless shelter something that will give her a good spiritual wake up call. Good luck!!
2007-02-23 15:49:23 · answer #4 · answered by melissa 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
it's a phase.
I'm GOING THROUGH THE SAME THING WITH MY PARENTS RIGHT NOW, and I am 14.
it is probably because she feels like u guys just don't understand her, or treat her diferently than her friends parents do, and she feels indiffrent to them, cause she may thing u have too many rules, or ur rules are "too strict" ("IMPOSSIBLE-TO-FOLLOW-RULES")
she could feel like that if u guys don't let her do what her friends do, then they will stop liking her because they could never DO anything together (this is what I think 2 [most 14 year old girls think this])
i think u should have a one-on-one heart-to-heart chat with her. and if the talk doesn't help, PLEASE, take her to a psycollogist. she just needs sumone to talk to.
2007-02-23 16:18:12 · answer #5 · answered by The_Pink_One 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Most kids at the age of 14 usually acts like that. You should have seen me! I was awful to my parents, but now am over that phase and love my parents and are nice to the people around me.
I think just give it time, lecture her and punish her, but don't worry about it. She will grow out of it =)
2007-02-23 17:59:19 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi i am a brand new parent cause i just gave birth to a little girl AND i am only 15 but anyways i think when i act like that, i feel like my parents are not at all loving me, Just try to talk to her , with no tv no dad and if she has siblings no siblings she just wants you probably. I really hope this helped.
2007-02-24 19:26:05 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm 15 and like this too [unfortunately] and basically I think she's like this because she's missing something from you guys. I don't know what it is, maybe she feels mistrusted or unguided or even unloved, but I think the reason she does this is because she wants something more from you all that you're not giving her. Try talking to her. Have a heart-to-heart conversation, just you and her. You sound like a very loving mom.......
2007-02-23 15:51:05 · answer #8 · answered by K 3 · 7⤊ 0⤋
Obviously discipline isn't working... it's time to go with therapy. Take her to a psychologist; it might take some time to find the right one, but a therapist will help you both figure out why she is acting the way she is and how you are contributing to the behavior.
2007-02-23 15:50:16 · answer #9 · answered by shoujomaniac101 5 · 6⤊ 0⤋
i hate to say it, but kids really are the products of their environment. when we were little my mom yelled a lot and we did too, until she stopped- then we stopped. if she watches crap on tv, crap will come out of her. if you talk hateful to your husband or your children, they'll pick up on it. maybe grounding her isn't the answer. talking to her is.
2007-02-23 15:56:20 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋