truthful answers am i wrong?

Question

Here is my story! I just moved to a new area hadn't been here for 2 months, my husband is deployed and not to Iraq! He has hostitly in his voice cause I don't have no job yet! I am holding the fork down here. Getting use to the area! I go and apply for work every other day, " he said it is going on 3 months no job" He mad cause he don't have no damn money! My husband is a spender,! He spends to damn much money! Living beyonds his means! Yes i been a housewife but that is hard work! taking care of the kids and making sure he is straight! He said some really harsh words to me! He is like I make too many excuses! I can't make no one hire me? Why the hell am i getting pick on so much! How should i handle this! Keep in mind when you really love someone and I do love him! Please no crazy answers!

Answer 1

You should explain to him that you are looking for work and that it takes time. You should also tell him that taking care of the kids is a full time job in itself one that you cant clock in and out of. Also tell him if he cant talk calmer when he calls you will quit taking his calls because he is starting to stress you out and your kids need you. It is not your fault that noone has hired you yet. Tell him he needs to get his spending in control and its not your fault that he wants to be a big spender. If he manages his money more better he would still have some and would have no reason to call you and be rude.

Answer 2

yes money can be a big problem in marraiges .. i can see both your sides you are busy at home keeping the house clean and the kids. you haven't said how old the kids are. I ask cause your h husband wants you to get out and bring in some money to help with the house hold and thats normal in today's living it takes two couples with the house and double garage etc.. unless your living within your means. So back to the kids here are they old enough that there at school all day that you dont' have to be home waiting for them to finnish school if so i can see why he says for you to go out and get something even if its only part time work its extra money for the family.

Now for yourside i can see how it would be frustrating to have a person who spends money like water and living beyond his means. You can help since you seem to be more careful with the money. why dont' you set up a budget and include his play money as he does like his toys as you say . but within what you can afford with the income that is coming in. this also means you will handle the bills and alocate where the money needs to go. this should help some what.

Then if your having problems finding a job why dont' you go to an agency and they will find a job that is suitable to your back ground and you can still do this part time. they will call you when they have work for you. you might have to try this approach as you said you have tryed looking on your own but to no avail.

see you both come together on this and you find a solution that you both can live with and comprimise here.

You can do this guys. just needs a little bit of push from both sides and patience.

Okay good luck .

Answer 3

Calmly talk to him and let him know how hard you have been looking and how difficult it is to take care of the home and the children and that although you've not been bringing any money into the house, you've saved a lot by not having to pay for child care. Most people, unless you are at a professional level with regard to a career, spend almost as much in daycare expenses as they make...by the time you figure in gas, wear and tear on the car, etc. Let him know how much you love him and how you realize he is worried and that you will continue to do everything you can to help. Ask him for his advice on what he thinks BOTH of you can do to watch your spending. This brings the subject up of it being BOTH of you without pointing fingers. Good luck!

Answer 4

While you're holding the fork down...don't let the knife get away....lol....just kidding.

All you can do is your best...Your husband needs to understand that he needs to change his spending habits, whether you find work or not. Are your kids school age? If so, a part time job even at a fast food restaurant would help out.

Answer 5

There is not much you can do if no one will hire you.You need to try to explain to him that he needs to stop spending unless he really needs it. The best thing to do is to hold in there. Just keep trying to find a job. Even if you have to work at a fat food place. It would be a job until you get something better.

If you live in Missouri try going to greathires.org. You can also go to careebuilder.com, indeed.com.You can go to the last two no matter where you live.

Answer 6

If you love him like you say you do.....go to a nearby fast food restaurant or anywhere, for that matter and get a job. it seems as if he feels you need to contribute more to the family, and your "holding him down" and "keeping him straight" is just not enough for the 'spender."

Answer 7

you asked if you were wrong... but it sounds like you havent done anything to be wrong.
let him know that housework and taking care of children is a full time job. (and dont let them kids be babies)
ask him to trade roles with you for a week. let him do all the housework, cleaning, cooking, changing crappy diapers every 3 hours, chasing after kids......
you go to work outside the home..
as far as the verbal abuse, id put a piece of duct tape over his mouth everytime something negative comes out of his mouth!!
verbal abuse is much more harsh than physical abuse
do his job.
see how quick he comes and begs you to make things like used to be.

Answer 8

HE IS RIGHT. HE PROBABLY FEELS LIKE HE HAS TO HOLD UP ALL THE WEIGHT (well he does caz yo *** aint workin!) WEN UR N A RELATIONSHIP EVERYTHING IS BOTH WAYS 50/50. SO YOU NEED TO CONTRIBUTE AS WELL. THINK ABOUT IT IF THE TABLES WERE TURNED AND YOU WERE THE ONE WORKIN AND HE WAS AT HOME LAYIN ON HIS *** DOING NOTHING. WHO CARES YOU HAVE ONLY BEEN HERE FOR A COUPLE OF MONTHS?? DO YOU THINK THERE IS A TIME PERIOD THAT YOU SHOULD HAVE TO GET USE TO THE NEW PLACE. LOOKING FOR A JOB AND FINDING A JOB IS A BETTER WAY TO GET USE TO THE NEW CITY/STATE YOU ARE IN. SO YES..UR WRONG. IM WITH UR HUBBY ON THIS ONE GIRL. GET YO *** A JOB! BESIDES..AS A WOMAN YOU SHOULD WANT YOUR OWN ENDS..

Answer 9

Although I side with you on this you have to keep in mind that he is in the services and that may be wearing on him also. But as long as you are doing your best to find something there is nothing else that you can do.

Answer 10

No I dont think you are wrong at all. He should be getting military pay enough to keep him going and should have you some money coming in as well ,, its called military allottment.