You're not listenin' to all I'm sayin'!
If you wanna know
If he loves you so
It's in his kiss!
OR
It's In his Kiss
by Lisa Chavez
Women often say they can tell on the first date whether she and a man will have good chemistry -- it's all in his kiss. But even when the physical relationship is well underway, how good it gets is often determined by the same thing -- that little doorway to intimacy, the kiss. Sometimes, the first major difference between men and women in terms of intimacy shows up at the moment of the kiss, for in general, men want to plow through it; women want to wallow in it. So when a couple is working their way to intimacy, they may find a timing gap between men, who only need a split second of physical contact to become aroused, and women, who need time to rev up their hormones and line their emotions all in a row.
As science is now telling us, not only can men be more easily stimulated by physical touch, but their sex drive is more responsive to visual input, say, a flash of bare skin. Women, on the other hand, enjoy fantasy, romance, and good feelings. On top of that, they often need to feel attractive, or appreciated, or desired before getting aroused. These extra needs leave many men shaking their heads. The man who takes the kiss seriously stands out from the crowd. And the man whose kiss technique massages a woman's need to feel attractive and to fantasize will not only be the more successful lover, but he will probably be the man whose relationships grow stronger and last longer.
Many couples in long-term relationships report reaching a point where they have very little sexual intimacy. If you ask the woman why she has become sexually listless, it's a sure bet she'll answer "the romance is gone" or "he doesn't find me attractive any more" or "he takes me for granted." The man in this same couple will often report that of course he finds her attractive -- she's the one who turns down his advances. The confusing part for a man is that a woman doesn't necessarily perceive his sexual overtures as a sign of her attractiveness -- she may simply think it's all about him and his needs.
Here's the mismatched chemistry in many souring relationships:
A man needs touch, sight, to get aroused
A woman needs touch, sight, plus extra time and fantasy to get aroused
A woman often needs additional affection, appreciation, or sense that she's desirable to get aroused.
For a man, sex (usually) equals appreciation and acceptance
For a woman, sex (often) equals being taken for granted
For a woman "romance" or "passion" or "affection" equals appreciation/acceptance
Enter the equalizer -- romantic kissing.
What better equalizer than the kiss in all its moments and flavors? It can offer her time to indulge in romance and it can make her feel wanted and beautiful. Women are noted for their taste for romance novels and romantic movies, well an arousing kissing session can tell a romantic tale all its own. It tells of his affection with plenty of drama and a climax that leaves her wanting more. Kiss and stop is a great game for relationships that have gone a long time without physical intimacy. And here are some other ways to make romantic novels out of your kisses. Guys take note, and ladies, don't be shy about sharing these secrets with your guy:
1) The story starts out with closeness. Early on in the process of kissing, if a man just stops to put his face real close to the lady's, he's signaling how heavenly it is just to be near her. This also gives her a chance to let him know how much she enjoys having him in her personal space. Green light. He can move his face along hers, slowly, without touching, so that his breath foreshadows what's in store for her as it tickles her neck and whispers in her ear. Anticipation can be very powerful at this point. Maybe that gentle kiss on the ear or even on the hair could be the very first.
2) The theme is suspense. The main idea, here, is not burying his tongue in her mouth right away. This way, a man can create some mystique, romance, arousal before he moves in. Try little pecks and moist pressings. Nine women out of ten will like it, even if they're surprised. The surprise probably comes from the fact that he's the first guy who's taken the time to be so affectionate. If she's the rare woman who doesn't like the wait, she will either make some moves (just be on the alert and follow the cues), or she'll wait until something more to her liking comes along. No damage done.
3) Give each kiss a long languorous build-up. Since women don't tend to respond to visual cues as predictably and immediately as men, a lady's arousal process can sometimes seem infuriatingly slow to a guy. If you're that guy, here's big secret number one: when courting a woman, do not underestimate the element of the tease. (And if you ever find yourself in one of those lifeless long-term relationships, tease can even rekindle sparks.) Guys, pace yourself, exploring her lips, her tongue, the inside of her mouth -- one step at a time.
4) If you're a guy who wants to project an air of being in control, here's big secret number two: Though many women enjoy a man who's in control, almost all women enjoy being wanted and appreciated even more. Especially on a first date. If a guy can think of the kiss as a world of its own and act like his kiss with her is the highest pinnacle of his life, he'll make an impression; count on it. Into the bargain, he may feel less pressure to impress.
5) The plot should have more than one build-up. Once a guy works up to the first deep kiss, he should try pulling away from her mouth, brushing her cheek with his and returning to soft breathing against her neck or whatever light touches worked earlier. This gives the chance for fantasy and romance to bloom in her imagination. For some women, the kiss is almost as intimate as sex itself.
6) Finally, it's not about a guy knowing the tricks; it's about his noticing the woman he's with. Does her tongue respond to his? Are her lips smooth and tasty? It's about learning her tiniest reactions and then responding. For example, there's a rough and smooth side of the tongue -- use them both and see how she reacts to each. Tuning in and responding are usually all the "tricks" a man needs to really "wow" the new (or favorite, or long-time) woman in his life.
2007-02-23 23:23:12
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answer #7
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answered by ♥ ♥ C.J. ♥ ♥ 5
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