deeply hurt by husband?

Question

l'm married4bout a yr.but my husband were unfaithful in more than 1 occasion.he has asked for forgivnes&promised to work on our marriage.but,he's treatin my coldly&never touches me.lm continuously hurtin..why is he reacting this way

Answer 1

Sometimes guys act cold like that after cheating because:
1. They feel like you will never trust or respect or love him the way you would've if he had not cheated.
2. Sometimes people think you are cheating or will cheat on them because he did it to you. Men or women could think this but men do more typically. I know a guy who thinks "I did it to her, now she'll do it to me for revenge."
3. Sometimes after cheating a guy may feel like the marriage is a lost cause and he ruined it. So he wants to be cold to you so you'll break up/divorce him. Either he doesn't have the guts or he doesn't want to hurt you more or he doesn't want to look like an even bigger butthead, by leaving you. First he cheats on you then when you are willing to forgive him and move past it he dumps you anyway.
4. Is the same as above except he found someone who he thinks he wants to be with instead, so he's cold to you to try and get you to leave him. He wants you to leave him instead of him leaving you for the reasons I stated in #3.

Anyway here are some thoughts you can consider to try and figure out why he's treating you the way he is. Hopefully I diden't just repeat what other answerers have already said, because I diden't read theirs.
My only advice I have for you is this; you sound young, if it's not meant to be with him it's better to find out now while your young, so you can move on. It's rough to invest 4 years into a relationship and have it fail, but it's better than 14 years.
Good luck, stay true to yourself and be strong.

Answer 2

Sounds like your marriage will be short lived. Sorry.
As to why he is acting this way, he is probably the type who wants to control you. Or has been unable to mold you into his fantasy. he is probably still cheating. Leopards don't change their spots. And if he cheated more than once in a year, he is accustomed to it, and has no remorse for his actions. Unfortunately, talk is cheap. I would recommend you separate before his coldness turns to abuse.
Usually when people are only married a year, they are still very passionate. I'm not so sure he loved you in the first place. Must have been some other motivation. Wish I could give you a nicer response, but this is what I think.
Hope I'm wrong.

Answer 3

Then end your hurt by getting away from this guy. If he has cheated more than once during a 1 year marriage he doesn't seem really concerned about your feelings. You deserve better than a man who runs around on you and who treats you cold. Plus think of what nasty stuff he can be bringing home from these other women. Staying with him is not worth putting your life at risk or living in an unhappy and unfufilling marriage.

Answer 4

I know that this will seem painful and probably impossible to overcome, but I think you should save yourself and move on, I know it's very painful cause I see that you still love him....but trust me someone that cheats once, will do it over and over.....and if he doesn't you will always have the doubt, you won't be able to live with yourself, cause you'll be thinking all the time that he's with someone else, and trust me you don't want that.......that constant doubt, that's a very slow way to die, and trust me I don't you want to do that to yourself....and I'm sorry to say this, but when men start losing interest in their wives, by not touching them, etc....that means they don't feel the same way they did before......when a man or woman start neglecting their spouse, that isn't a good sign.

I'm sorry to say all this, but you have to get out, if you want to keep your sanity, I know it will be painful for you, and especially if you have kids, I just hope you don't cause that is the saddest thing! Good Luck, and keep your head up, remember that this is not your fault, it's just the way they are.....they're not even loyal to themselves, well I must admit not all of them are like that, but I think that most of them are! Follow your mind, not your heart, it's not always a good thing to follow your heart, sometimes it's better to follow your head!! Good Luck once again!

Answer 5

The fact that you get upset when he watches porn tells me there is an issue here and it's not necessarily your husband's. You want him to be sensitive to your needs but you are being a prude? Why not watch some porn with him? If that doesn't work try this: give him a good bj and then right after he gets off spit it back in his face. Ahhh ...finally a metaphor a man can understand. Just when you thought everything was perfect.... :)

Answer 6

Maybe he's a bit cold and doesnt' touch you cause he feels you haven't really forgiven him or you are acting coldly to him . perhaps you dont' even mean to do this intentionally but he feels or senses your different. And because he already knows your upset with him for what he's done . He's finding it hard to try and find a way back in .

Now you say he's sorry and ask for forgiveness if you have foregiven him you need to come around to your old self again or this won't work . and if he is a bit scared on how to touch you or how to speak or act around you as he' s not sure how your feeling. you may have to show him first. Let him know its okay for him to be affecionate with you again. why not you try putting your arm around him or slip your hand softly of his butt or rub his back as your passing i don't know what your style is but what ever he knows that his warm loving wife is back do that. he understand. and from there nature should take its course and his instincts will kick in from there.

Answer 7

The saying allways goes once a cheater allways a cheater, but there are the ones that do change. You need to look for the sinces, if the house is clean and he never cleans, that means puts your things away that now one can see them. Do the dishes and he never does. There is money that can not be exclained for. If you have on line banking and can see the checks that are writen that helps. Look at his cell phone, if not known call and say had missed, who is it? If there are calls and they do not answer and hang up, that is one clue call back. If you keep finding out he is still cheating just end it. I now it is hard but if he still dosent stop he never will. If you allwalys have to worrie about then it is not to be. You are better off . A women or man should not have to worry everyday that the other one is cheating. If you need someone to talk to just write. [e-mail]

Answer 8

I'm not sure why hes treating you like this hes the one that was unfaithful, more than once, seems like to me if he wanted to work on the marriage, he'd be down kissing your feet for what he did, well he could be cheating again, he might not want to work on the marriage and don't no how to tell you, or he could be trying to forgive his self for cheating on you, if he is truly sincere, there are a number of things that it could be, I would sit him down and try to talk to him about it and find out why hes treating you this way and let him know that he is continuously hurting you, and why.

Answer 9

You gave in to him and he knows now that he can do what ever he wants because you will forgive him. You let him use you and you did nothing about it so in his mind all he has to do is say I'm sorry and please forgive me that is his punishment. Unless you make him pay for what he did he will keep on treating you this way.Grow some balls honey and tell him to move out. Let him think he has lost you,he will want you back but don't I repeat don't give in to easily.If you do this he will fall in love with you all over again.
PS Remember this is not the good old day when all we had to worry about was catching VD. one office visit and it was gone.he isn't worth your life.

Answer 10

Seek counseling and help for the marriage. If he is still acting this way he still may be cheating on you but i am not exactly sure. You really need to sit down and talk with him and ask him why he is doing this and acting this way. I also recommend you either take him on the Maury show or the Dr Phil show and have him take a lie detector test to see if he is being faithful to you or if he is still cheating. I also agree with the other lady on here who said to get tested for Hiv and STD's as he could very easily have one and you may end up with it as well. Has he gotten any of them pregnant by any chance?