What should I do now? I am married and I think I love someone else...?

Question

I would think about a divorce, but my wife is pregnant. I tried to love her the best I can, but I dream about the one i love nearly every night. I can't stop thinking about her....and ist already more than 2 years ago that I saw her the last time! What should I do?

Answer 1

Honesty is the best policy. If you love someone else you are lying by omission. She may be mad at first but you must be honest with her. She can have a good life if you are still part of the childs life. Do it for her and for You. You will both be better off.

Answer 2

Well obviously you should have never married your wife if you were not really in love with her you just can not marry someone and then decide you want someone else that is being selfish on your part you had to say I do for some reason, right now you are lusting for another woman who has another life and doing her thing and could care less about you right not where ever she is she is happy with the life she is living. You have a wife and a baby on the way you have to start spending time with your wife now and stop letting your mind wonder into something that you do not have. Cherish what you have now you will never find another woman who would love you as much as your wife does, this other woman your lusting for can treat you so badly and not love you as much as your wife and child will. This other woman can have many ways that you may not even like to not mess up a blessing that you have behind a lusting or a thinking feeling you have. That is just satan wanting you to mess up your blessing and your family that will not be able to replace no matter who you decide to be with start romancing your wife in many ways and be there for her she needs you and so does your unborn child let those thoughts leave your mind and be with your family.

Answer 3

Now I've heard it all!!! Listen to yourself!!!! You are in love with someone you haven't had contact with for 2 years; You dream about her every night; You have tried to love your wife the best you can; Now she's pregnant. Do you really think that this other woman, even if she remembers you, would want a jerk like you? Sounds to me that she did herself a big favor when she stopped seeing you 2 years ago. Why did you get married in the first place? Why do men like you even bother?

Answer 4

Oh man. There is something more going on here than you are in love with a woman you have not seen in 2 years... This just reeks of issues unrelated to this woman...

First marriage is marriage. You took a vow. As long as you are married you should honor that vow. If you want to get very literal you took a vow to love, honor, cherish - until death do you part. Second communicate, communicate, communicate - with your wife.

So let's see where you are. You took a vow. Honor that. You are about to bring a child into this world. Honor that. Oh, and thinking about another woman is a type of unfaithfulness. It is detracting from you being 100% in your marriage. That in and of itself is unfair to your wife and unborn child. You must be wholly present in anything in your life - before you can make it successful.

But you also need to be happy, fulfilled, satisfied so let's at least allow for the possibility of divorce... If I were you I would go to a counselor to talk about your situation. Regularly. Not just once. (Personally I think every human being should see a counselor regularly - life is complicated enough that we all need support. HA). With the guidance and support of the counselor I would communicate (communicate, communicate, communicate) with your wife about the issues in your marriage that are stopping you from loving and honoring her fully. Perhaps you could also participate in couples therapy to save your marriage and build your relationship?

If, and only if.... you can't save your marriage, then you might consider divorce... I feel very strongly that as long as you are married (that includes separated too) that you should honor your marriage vows - meaning you should not date or see another person as long as you are legally married.

If you become single... be single. Sure dating is okay. But the breakup of a marriage is a big deal. You will need time to heal and learn to be your own person in your own right. Stay in counseling. And I would not go from a marriage into another relationship or try to start dating this woman. Last, please, please, please don't forget that you are about to bring a child into this world.

Good luck.

Answer 5

Are you kidding? What you should do is to bang your head on the wall over and over again until all the stupid ideas wear off. Be responsible! If you're old enough to get married, then you are already a grown man. ACT LIKE ONE. What are you trying to do? Let the stupid lust control you, and you'll go down the hill.

You are not loving someone else, man. How can you do that? You are not even love yourself enough to do good things. You are just being selfish.

Pity your wife. I am sorry for her.

Answer 6

Snap out of it and grow up! Honor the commitment you made to your wife. Why did you marry her in the first place if you didn't love her with all your heart. Your wife needs your support emotionally, physically, spiritually especially now while she's pregnant. And that's another thing...you'd desert your unborn child leaving him/her fatherless because you're being immature??

Sometimes we think about what it might be like with somebody else, but you can't let these thoughts consume you.

Answer 7

Focus on your marriage. That other chick isn't all she's cracked up to be (they never are, the grass is not greener on the other side). You have a baby to think of, not to mention the fact that you're married.

Do what you have to do to get over this other woman, therapy, church, whatever.

Go to marriagebuilders.com and use other resources to rebuild your marriage. You're going to be a father, and your child's shot at a happy life with married parents is more important than your wanderlust. Your wife's right to not be betrayed by her husband is more important than your wanderlust too.

And trust me, you will want to avoid divorce at all costs. Divorce sucks, it never ends, and it causes so much stress and complications.

Answer 8

Be thinking really hard about this. You'd be devastating your wife to leave soon, but you'd be hurting the kid worse if you get totally fed up and leave when s/he is in a critical developmental stage. Divorce messes with kids, and if it happens before s/he's born, you MIGHT be doing him/her a favor.

You can't "try" to love someone. You either do, or you don't. Some emotions and states of mind disguise themselves as love, and keep that in mind when you evaluate your future with this other woman.

Answer 9

Look around you, see the people, see the life,
You haven't seen her more then 2 years and still looking for her?
Excised me, but please don't be stupid.
You should be happy that you are marry, that you have lovely wife which soon she will bring you a child, you are going to be Dad and that's the sweetest thing in the world.
(you haven't seen how the females can be evil, they are bad even when they don't want be)
there will be lot's of challenge in your life and really important things.
Don't lose what you have. You are blessed with what you have now, leave happy with your life and create love and joy.

Answer 10

I don't know. But whatever you do you will have to live with your decision for the rest of your life. I am 62 now and I can tell you that I have some sleepless nights for things I did 30 years ago. You will grow up more....and you will think a lot. Do what is right. If it doesn't feel right .. then you have your answer.