I just went through a divorce 2 years and I can't stop thinking about it. I just cry when I think about it.

Question

Is there anyone out there that woudl like to share their experience of divorce with me. I can't bare the pain of divorce anymore. I feel like my life has no meaning. How can a person that u love so much do something betray u like that. I nights I can't sleep, my heart beats fast and I feel as though I am about to die (as it get's difficult for me to breathe). I alway ask myself, why does it hurt so much. I don't think this pain will ever go away, it's a life long thing that I have to live by. I want to get married again but at times I get scared, I don't ever want to go through this experience again; I don't think I will survive the second time around. Is there anyone out there that had an experience like mine and would want to share it with me.

Answer 1

First you need to help yourself, get some couseling. Whats going on is your grieving the loss of something very important to you, your marriage. There are several stages so don't rush it. In the meantime talk to a counselor about you r feelings, it will help, and once you have mended your heart, it will let you know when its ready for another go at a relationship. Take care of yourself!!

Answer 2

I went through that almost 3 yrs. ago - the first 2 yrs. were really bad. I still have times when it seems nearly unbearable. You are experiencing panic attacks at night. I started taking a light prescription to help me sleep (I only have to take half a pill per night for 3 or 4 nights to get me back into a good sleeping routine again). I had to take an anxiety med for 3 mos. Exercise and time with my family and friends were helpful in taking my mind off my ex. There aren't any good support groups that I could find around here, unfortunately. The ones online just aren't as beneficial as a real, live group. Looking back there are a lot of things I would have done differently . . .
Eventually, I did start dating again but it was hard to put my heart into it. I think men sensed that, too. Now I've been seeing someone for about 10 mos. - it's going pretty good and I trust him. As much as I like to say men are pigs . . . not all men are.

Answer 3

I'm not sure if you were married 2 years, or been divorced 2 years, but either way - things will get better. When I first got separated, I cried alot, couldn't concentrate at work, and thought over & over again about WHY he lied and why he cheated. That feeling of your heart racing and having a hard time breathing is anxiety. It goes away after a few minutes, and it gets less with time. I spent quite a few evenings bawling my eyes out in the shower so my child wouldn't see or hear me crying.

If it will help you at all - I finally stopped agonizing over the past and saw the truth that he was never fully into the marriage like I was. That hurts, but it's easier to move on when you realize you deserve someone who values it as much as you do. I wish my ex could have been that person, but he's not - and he NEVER will be. It's just not in him. I hope there will be someone in my future, but in the meantime - I have to say I'm really enjoying my life and find happiness in my child and doing things I enjoy .

I hope there will be someone special someday, but I'm not looking for him. It'll happen when it happens, and right now my child needs all my time.

Good luck, and remember - there are SO many people in the same situation as you. You're not alone in it, and in time you'll be surprised how much happier you will be!

Answer 4

I have been seperated 6 months and filed for divorce recently so I can relate to how you feel.

Betrayal twists the soul- the soul you gave to the other person.

I have felt every emotion from elation, shock, fear, bitterness, hate and so on. I cried, screamed and laughed and smiled. I am thankful to my family for their support and learned who my true friends are. I leaned and still lean on those around me when I need to.

I played scenarios out in my head and wondered if I had done something differently would this all go away.
Unfortunately we cant turn back the clock. You have to be strong and take baby steps at moving ahead.

It almost sounds like you are having high anixety and it would be a good idea to talk to a doctor. There is often support groups for divorced people.

It hurts so much because its love and its lost. You can go on to love again. Fear will keep you paralyzed tho so its best to work this all out before you consider another relationship.


P

Answer 5

my advice is that you just love her and help her (w/o her asking you) even if it's just stuff around the house like doing dished or something. And give her lots of hugs (even if your not really into that it'll make her feel better). You can leave her little notes around the house saying you love her and to have a good day. You never know how long a divorce is going to last, so stay strong and assure her she's not dissapointing you or letting you down and that you love her forever <3

Answer 6

dear canada- yes ,i have been where you are. because i had a very bad childhood, it was extra important for me to have a loving, stable, secure marriage.i never wanted my only child to go through what i went through. well, my first husband,and the father of my daughter,died suddenly when i was 28. years later,i took a chance on marriage again. we were married for nine years. during that time, i felt like i could relax and enjoy raising my daughter.we both worked, and were financially secure. we had all we needed ,and a few extras. we vacationed every year, frequently camped out at various lakes in our camper, and enjoyed our pontoon boat. but- during the nineth year of our marriage, another woman came into my husbands life, and started an affair with him ,that ultimately lead to a painful divorce.i did not want to loose him, but he decided that he no longer loved me,and that was that. well, i developed panic attacks,i became nauseated,and i found it difficult to work.but- i had to work ,more than ever. he took with him over half of the household income, the health insurance(as our insurance came from his employment) so, my daughter and i were left with no medical care,and a very tight budget, while he and his mistress got the camper and boat! i felt sure that i would never heal from such a devastating blow.i started dating, and wound up in several abusive relationships.i was still reeling from the divorce, and should not have been putting myself in those positions,but i was trying to fill a void. but, the good news is- you will survive, you will heal, and you will be ok, if not great! i can guarantee that if you really want to stop hurting, you will be able to get through this.please, just allow yourself. take some of the advise that the others have offered you.and, the one thing that got me through more than anything else, i decided to do alot of self-improvement. exercise, makeover,self-education,etc. it works wonders!!! and now, i believe that i am better off for all that i went through. best wishes

Answer 7

we can't hold it against everyone for the hurt one person caused us. u need therapy to get past some of this, it was not your fault, it was his. u built him up on this pedistole and can't understand why it happened. but he wasn't the man u thought he was, never be afraid of the future, and if it will happen again, sometimes we just have to get back out there, and reach out for what we want in life. yes when my marriage ended, i was already older, didn't think anyone would ever want me again. but never the less, i did reach out, maybe i was afraid, but i knew i did not want to be alone forever, in some self imposed prison i had put myself in. so i found someone, and now have a good relationship, and realiaze it wasn't all my fault my marriage ended. it hurts, to loose someone we use to be with, but we have to move on, forget about what u thought your life would be, cause that is over with. divorce is painful, but moving on is the most important now. alot of it is simply facing the truth about that other person and that they did hurt u, and that it wasn't fair, but u can't just lay down and die because of it. as he doesn't care anymore, he is gone and is not coming back for whatever reasons he has. why suffer forever over someone who just isn't worth it. get in some therapy group with others who are suffering the same thing, get a support system going with friends and family who u feel safe with. date again, get your self esteem back, go to the gym, get a new hairdo, buy some new clothing for yourself, and don't let this tragedy define who u are as a person, he was wrong okay, its his loss, he did u a wrong, took away a part of u, and unfortunatly u may always love the man, but there are other men out there who aren't like that one.

Answer 8

I said I would never date again after my divorce. after 4yrs. i dated a man(my girlfriends dad) after 6 yrs. of driving to him after work,20 miles each way..saving for his retirement(no buying even a garbage can)doingf things that i didn''t care to do, I found charges on his card for pm-dating,amature sex,match .com-4 week's ago. i left him and am just so hurt,dying daily. i always had a smile on my face,a good outlook on life, i'm suffering way more than he will ever suffer..some men think with their penis's(like mine)let's hope this is not the kind of men we have to settle for,for the rest of our lives.it's up to us to make ourselves happy...if a man can fit in there some way,it's a bonus!!!

Answer 9

I am under going a divorce similar to yours right now. We have a new born and he has turned into someone other than the man i had married. My trick is to say out loud..."TO HELL WITH HIM!" it usually makes me feel much better!
please remember...you are not alone!! we are here for you!

Answer 10

once youve done something..never look back...they hurt you...they arent worth the pain...really they arent..there are people out there..there is someone out there who is though..and when you find them..they wont cause you any pain...you need to move on...i know its going to be hard..but try! go out..have fun! you have friends? hang out with them!! i'm sorry i have no experiences..ha im too young..but..i dont like that youre hurting so i thought id try to cheer you up...you'll be alright i promise