Why is there such pressure to be married before having kids?

Question

So many people put a huge emphasis on being married before having children. I have been in a loving relationship for almost 6 years. We have a 4 year old son and another baby on the way, but whenever I see anyone they always ask when I am getting married. I don't understand why it is so important for other people to look down on my relationship because i have not offically taken vows. People tend to rush into marriage because "its the right thing to do" and it ends in divorce. why all the pressure to be married instead of pressure to be happy?

by the way we do have wills, are engaged, have a home, careers.

For you sad few who had the ignorant nerve to call my children bastards look at the married families where the parents fight constantly and hate each other but stay together for the kids, you think this is healthy. children are not bastards because their parents are not married. people with small minds who judge kids are bastards.

Answer 1

Patrick G has it terribly wrong. You don't have to be married to have a full and loving realtionship with your children or signifigant other. Just goes to show you how many right-wing religious freaks still exist in this world. Choosing not to marry is your choice and all those who tell you otherwise need to get out of the dark ages!

Answer 2

I guess people feel that if you aren't' ready for the responsibility of marriage and do what it takes to make that work, how could you possibly be ready to have kids. I guess another way to think of it is, if you don't love this person enough to make the full commitment of marriage, or you 'aren't sure you want to spend the rest of your life with this person, why are you willing to have a child together that will bond you forever, whether that's a good thing or a bad thing. Yes some marriages fail, but at least they made the effort.And then if it does fail, you have so many more rights than if you just lived together.
And anyone that says marriage is just a piece of paper, needs to open their eyes. if it was just a piece of paper, why are you so hesitant to get married?
I have been on both spectrum's of this issue (never had a kid out of wedlock, but I lived with a guy for a while). The level of commitment I feel for my husband is so much stronger than when I lived with the other guy. Even with my husband. We lived together for a year before we got married and the day we got married was such an exciting day and it made our relationship seem so much stronger.

Answer 3

I understand the whole deal of "if you get pregnant it's not always right to marry that guy" my mom has told because she got pregnant with me at 17 and had two kids and was divorced by the time she was 19.

So, I understand the whole not getting married thing...

But wouldn't it be more exciting and "complete" if you had taken those vows? Also, I think a lot of it dates back to the the Bible and morals of years before. However, those morals and standards are marriage and children have usually worked out pretty well.

Also, I can tell you that being a teenager now, I really wish my mom would have waited to have kids because I have divorced parents and both are re-married. It really hurts. I just feel like if they would have waited to have kids when they were married, everything would've been more complete and wholesome.

Why don't you ask your son what he thinks, despite his age, I really encourage you to just listen to him.

Answer 4

Usually marriage indicates a more stable home life and relationship between the parents. Getting divorced is a lot more hassle than just moving out, and like the previous answer - being a single mom could be depressing! People who are married also tend to put more effort into solving relationship issues rather than just breaking up. It's a stereotype, but generally more true that marriages are more long lasting.

Answer 5

That's fine that your in a loving relationship, but keep in mind that as long as you let your man think it's o.k. for the both of you to just have a "loving relationship" then don't expect him to propose marriage to you at all or anytime soon. You are giving him the freedom to do what he wants without discussing with you first. He can be with another woman at anytime if he wants. You will have NO say in his life what so ever, mainly because you are only a "girlfriend", it may mean something to you now, but later on in life, you will start to question yourself & start to see that being a girlfriend is NOTHING. Also, it's NOT that people will rush you into marriage just because they ask you "when are you getting married". Marriage is essential (not mandatory) but ESSENTIAL if you been together this long & have baby #2 on the way. I mean, if your going on 6 years with him, then the question you really should be asking is "what is taking so long?". Marriage is a part of your road towards the future. If you got 2 children who are from the same father call you "mom", then you deserve the other title "wife" from the father if these 2 children. It's not mandatory like i said, but it's ESSENTIAL. Your kids will grow up & ask you "mommy? why didn't Daddy ever marry you?". Do you want the same thing for your children when they grow up, do you want to teach them that getting married is NOT important? because that's exactly what your about to do. Your attitude towards marriage will teach them that marriage is not really that important in life, when truly....it really is.

Yes, there are "single mom's" out there, but they are single FOR A REASON, they will act & fake on being happy but really deep down inside, they crave for a loving "husband".

Answer 6

i'm 20 with an 8 month previous , been with my significant different virtually 3 years and engaged. in my opinion i did not pick toddlers, i became on the tablet and there have been some circumstances I forgot to take one. did not imagine a lot on it, my significant different and that i have been very stupid and did not use a condom one nighttime. Having a touch one this youthful has helped me strengthen up, i have worked my butt off similar as my significant different to make positive there's a roof over our childs head and he's ingesting nicely. it really is likewise very priceless, If i ought to substitute issues then sure i'd have a touch one in a lengthy time period. yet i don't sense sorry about some thing my baby is a pleased toddler and so nicely developed. So has placed mine and my companions thoughts comfortable. i'm now reading images, some thing i have continually wanted to do. I absolutely have worked in some placements e.g call centres, retail and at the same time as pregnant I performed temp artwork as an Admin. I absolutely have reliable GCSE's notwithstanding that were accessible for me to get some placements. I absolutely have an in intensity relationship with my kin, my dad is a uni lecturer and my mom works in DVLA. So I absolutely have had a good historic past. i became presented as a lot as stay my life, watch what i'm doing with money. And taught the thanks to grant for myself. i'm at present pregnant lower back i comprehend i'd be judged, yet my significant different and that i have wanting to have our childrens close at age with a purpose to go by the nappies level without delay. and would proceed with my career, my significant different is a mechanic so has already were given a career going.

Answer 7

it's not best for everyone, some of the best moms are single. i was a single mom of 2 and did my best. i now am married with 3 beauitful children and althougfh i made it fine in a relationship just dating, anytime we got into a big fight it ended in "get your **** out!" or "i'm leaving!' i have to say now that we are married we rarely fight and when we do that is never a threat. we know each other is here to stay and when we made those vowels to each other we meant it. you need to know you not only love someone but that you are truley in love with them before you marry them. but, i have to ask you, why in the past 6 years and 2 kids have you not decided that. i don't think that is healthy to keep having kids and putting them in that situation, not b/c it is wrong but b/c kids are cruel and they will go to school and i know kids that have been made fun of b/c they have a differ name than their mom. it's mean but it is real life. but listen to your heart, over 50% of marriages end in divorce.

Answer 8

It's a completely personal decision. There's a lot of pressure if you're Christian or just traditional. Your friends and family are just concerned for you and want the best for you. If the relationship with your man and son are healthy and flourishing, then I wouldn't worry about what other people think. There are millions with a similar lifestyle as yours. The next time you're asked when you're getting married, just laugh and say, "As soon as I know, you'll be the first to know."

Answer 9

The reason is simple. People don't understand how you can make a commitment to have children and not make the commitment to be married.

And the definition of bastard is a person born out of wedlock. The reason it is important has to with inheritance issues. I'm not saying that offensively, just an FYI.

"Illegitimacy label affects all social and economic aspects of the person and his family, including his father's paternity support, estate, inheritance, DNA health issues, as well as, federal, state, and local survivor benefits." (link to where quote came from)

Answer 10

It is important for the children to have stability and security. The only way they can get that is from a mother and a father who are married, and provide the children with constancy and permanence.
Sorry, but your other comments are just rude. You are obviously bothered and think about the topic because it is you who asked the question; somewhere inside you is a part which is not comfortable.
And, sorry, but the "b" word IS a correct term of usage for the children who are the result of you shackin' up with some dude.

Answer 11

First things first... Marriage does not equal love. Love, honesty, trust, loyalty and openness are the most important ingredients in any relationship. Don't let anyone make you feel pressured to get married. For some people, all they dream about is marriage and having a ring on their finger. And while that is fine for them, it is not necessarily right for you. Listen to your heart and do what you think is right... and hold your head up high knowing and believing that you've made the right decision for you.