What do you think of this?Does it make sense to you?
I have just been writing because i am bored but i want to know if it is good at all
Hating an enemy thats your friend
I listen to all you have to say
Trying to heal and make amend
History repeats,it will find a way
When I hear your words I choke
I vie to cough the poisen out
At my heart you poke
I am done hearing your lies
May you break and your fortress burn
Don't act like its a surprise
History repeats itself,you will learn
Oh look at you cough
The poisen has come back to you
At our feelings,will you still scoff?
2007-02-23 13:03:13 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
that was so good and touching how in the world did you come up wit that? that was awesome
2007-02-23 13:08:49 · answer #1 · answered by banana37 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LIKE I SAID BEFORE
it's good... Except I don't know if you intended it or not but some lines rhythm and others don't.
I vie to cough the poisen out ( line stands out)
Friend, amend, say, way, choke, poke perfect rhythm
lies surprise cough, scoff ( slant rhythm?)
burn learn, perfect rhythm,
The poisen has come back to you (Stick's out.)
diction is k but could have done with better.
Structure 7 lines depends on how you used it. if you used it in imperfect sense then its perfect if not well then its just there.
2007-02-23 13:14:47 · answer #2 · answered by Love Exists? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's awesome! It's also very touchy. I think that poetry is a way 2 show your feelings. Most guys think that poetry is a sissy thing, but I think that someone that writes poetry is both romantic and that he's not worried about what other people thinks. It's also pretty hot.
2007-02-23 13:39:12 · answer #3 · answered by shadowgirl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's OK.
2007-02-23 13:43:16 · answer #4 · answered by UUUHHHTASH 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that`s really good ! (=
2007-02-23 13:06:05 · answer #5 · answered by Taylor. 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋