What do you think of this?Does it make sense to you?
I have just been writing because i am bored but i want to know if it is good at all
Hating an enemy thats your friend
I listen to all you have to say
Trying to heal and make amend
History repeats,it will find a way
When I hear your words I choke
I vie to cough the poisen out
At my heart you poke
I am done hearing your lies
May you break and your fortress burn
Don't act like its a surprise
History repeats itself,you will learn
Oh look at you cough
The poisen has come back to you
At our feelings,will you still scoff?
2007-02-23 13:00:21 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Other - Society & Culture
it's good... Except I don't know if you intended it or not but some lines rhythm and others don't.
I vie to cough the poisen out ( line stands out)
Friend, amend, say, way, choke, poke perfect rhythm
lies surprise cough, scoff ( slant rhythm?)
burn learn, perfect rhythm,
The poisen has come back to you (Stick's out.)
diction is k but could have done with better.
Structure 7 lines depends on how you used it. if you used it in imperfect sense then its perfect if not well then its just there.
2007-02-23 13:09:37 · answer #1 · answered by Love Exists? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Rhymes are good, the beat of the lines could be refined. Some of them are rather awkward and it loses the flow of the stanza.
2007-02-23 21:05:37 · answer #2 · answered by KC 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ummmmm.....I would guess you really excel at math or science or could possibly be the next American Idol. Just don't write your own lyrics.
2007-02-23 21:18:45 · answer #3 · answered by flipdout2 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋