Recently left 12yr marriage with 4 kids, I am new too dating, not ready for new commitment but am only 29 and need a life as well. How should a respectable woman interact with the opposite sex after a long miserable marriage?
2007-02-23 12:59:57 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
BE HONEST LOVER.
2007-02-26 05:53:24 · answer #1 · answered by RAMAN IOBIAN 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am somewhat in the same position- single with 2 children after 10 years of marriage to someone that didnt appreciate the life he had.
Know what you want and dont want from a man. The dont want part is usally much easier. Do coffee dates so there is no pressure. Be upfront and real with the person but most importantly, to yourself.
I found dating difficult and frustrating. Many men will try and take advantage of you and your situation so keep the walls up till you are ready. One of the hard parts I found is watching other people find love so quickly but not for myself. I know someday I will and till then I fill my days and keep my kids as busy as possible.
You have a right to be happy and need not be miserable and you are the only one that can change that. Make yourself happy first. Your kids need you but you also deserve to be desired and have companionship.
Life is too short.
P
2007-02-23 22:28:32 · answer #2 · answered by Paradox 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good Question, and the answer is much easier than actually doing it.
First, unlearn any prejudices you might have from your marriage. For ex, if you were physically abused, realize that not all men are like that. Treat everyone well, and as a future friend, but sure be on the lookout for warning signs as usual.
Second, give yourself time to get over your tragedy, establish your new routines, etc.
When you are ready to meet new friends, follow these guidelines:
1. Groom immaculately
2. Dress nicely
3. Spend an hour a day in the library
4. Spend an hour a day at the gym
5. Get involved in a worthy function
6. Volunteer a few hours a week for a worthy cause
7. Help someone every day
8.Go to Church
9.Invite your friends to Church
10.Take group dance lessons
11.SMILE
Good Luck
2007-02-23 21:11:32 · answer #3 · answered by snvffy 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
!st you need to kick this thing out of your mind that its about respect.. see if you are actually going out looking for a guy then better think like the way you used to think before your marriage!! every guy you meet is going to look forward to a kiss and you cant change that way of thinking!! just that may b someone will be slow and someone might kiss you on the 1st date itself, yes you have responsibilites as uve got 4 kids to look after so find out a guy who would take care of your kids and you as well!! and if you could find a man who is not into drinking but has got a life like yours.. then nothing better than that!! Dont stop yourself from getting crazy or doing weird stuff just bcz u were married, try to flirt as much as you can and who knows you strike at the right chord!!
wish you all the best... hope you get my point.
Deeps
2007-02-25 02:04:39 · answer #4 · answered by Deeps 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It would help to join a social group like a book club, sports, or even church. You could even get into something you've always wanted to do, like a certain hobby or dancing. This way, it won't be so awkward for you having been out of the dating scene for so long. You may even have the same interests and something to talk about if you join a particular interest group. Don't worry too much about trying to meet men, but when you do meet someone, it'll be easier on you than going out to a bar.
2007-02-23 21:07:16 · answer #5 · answered by ladytropical81 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh dear..its too soon. Of corse your gonna be weary..you just came out of a long, painful divorce of 12 years. Trust me I understand. Give yourself time to heal. Because you don't want to be with someone for the fact that you just don't want to be alone. Take your time. Rediscover yourself, because you have lost 12 years of your life, and you now need to find out who you really are and what you are really looking for. You are not the same person you were 12 years ago. You have grown physically , mentally, and emotionally. So before you go out there and try to find someone, do you know exactly what you are looking for? If you do, after you given yourself time to heal, then go full speed ahead. And don't waste your time on someone that is not your type. Go after what you are looking for. Kids or not, someone will love you and those children, I see it all the time. Good luck dear...
2007-02-23 21:13:38 · answer #6 · answered by RAW AND GRIM \,,/ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I jumped into dating to soon after my divorce and I was so busy working, dating and having a new life that I lost sight of my priorities, and my children suffered for it. Believe me when I tell you, concentrate on you and the kids for awhile until you have really settled into your new lives.They need you to be a stable person right now. Don't be looking for another man to fill the shoes of their daddy, because it won't work. Your kids need you to assure them that you won't be leaving them or putting them on the back burner. Give them your full attention and later when they are secure, you'll be able to date with less emotional problems at home. As you get out more you'll interact naturally just being yourself. Kids, job and then dating.
2007-02-23 21:20:21 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dont rush into anything. Just take one step at a time. Dont worry about dating til you are sure your ready. Get yourself back on the ground emotionally before moving on or you will only head for a disaster. Just try talking with men before jumping in. Once you dont feel scared or afraid of men and feel confident again then go for it. Youre still young enough with a lifetime ahead of you. Just be patient and the rest will follow. Good luck
2007-02-23 21:19:57 · answer #8 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Find a man thru a church if you are religious. Otehrwise, try a dating service but make sure you are selective and never give out personal info. Always insist on meeting in a public place. Stay away from bars and parties. Not too many NICE men at those. Good luck.
2007-02-23 21:05:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i am a divorced mom of three. i was married for eight long and miserable years. i've been on my own for five years now. honestly, i met a lot of jerks, a lot of guys who take advantage of a good person and a single mom. i am finally getting myself back together financially from these "sponging" men. i decided about a year ago to just stop looking and stop dating. well, sure enough, when i stopped looking, my boyfriend showed up. he is a single dad who has custody of his son, owns a house and does not want to take advantage of me in any way. just be careful of who you date and who you introduce to your children. they don't need to meet a whole bunch of different guys. just go about your life and take care of your kids. mr right will come knocking at your door. it happened to me, and it will happen to you. good luck and enjoy your new-found life. if you need any more advice, you can IM me at hellokitty107@sbcglobal.net...anytime. :)
2007-02-23 21:12:59 · answer #10 · answered by Hello Kitty 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
interact with men and make it so the kids don't know. They just had there lives destroyed by you two.... don't do it again. If you can't do it without the kids knowing, then don't. Buy a "toy" an wait till the kids are gone.
2007-02-23 21:08:01 · answer #11 · answered by Patrick G 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋