They've been married many years with young kids. My friend and her husband have a very long distance relationship right now. They've had lots of probs, mainly cuz hubby was never honest with her and he's cheated too. The last huge mistake he made, she told him that if there were any more huge mistakes and dishonesty, then it's over. Recently, she found solid proof that he had been on the lookout for other women. She also found some not-so-solid proof before that and he lied about it. Their plan was for him to send her money from his job so they could save up. She's just living with family who are helping her out and just staying home with the kids. She has little money and no job or car. Now she realizes he's not trustworthy and intends to file for divorce. But for now, would it be wrong if she didn't confront him about it, let him send the money as planned so she can get a job and pay for daycare? Maybe tell him a few weeks later and let him think everything's fine?
2007-02-23 12:20:28 · 9 answers · asked by ladytropical81 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
For one, there will be no visits (they live very far apart) since they're trying to save money. Her and the kids were going to move out to where he lives in a few months. Plus, she's not trying to play games. She just needs money for a car and daycare. It's very hard for single mothers to get a job when they have no money for transportation or childcare. Lastly, there's no way her hubby would know she's known about his recent cheating all along. She could have discovered this "proof" at any time.
2007-02-23 12:51:10 · update #1
Sickblade, she doesn't see herself as better than anyone else. She doesn't accuse him of his past mistakes anymore either. She forgives him and has moved on emotionally. And, like I said, she just needs money right now to get a job. Child support takes a lot of time to process. And like I also said, she could tell him that she found this proof at ANY time (in the future).
2007-02-23 13:15:44 · update #2
She should confront him face-to-face. How long before he comes home for a visit, assuming he comes home for visits?
On the other hand - It's pretty deceitful to let him send home money and let him think everything is OK and that she is saving money for them.
Talk about stuck between a rock and a hard place... I'd probably wait until he was home visiting to tell it like it was. Save the money in the mean while, get a job and be prepared to file for divorce.
2007-02-23 12:36:02 · answer #1 · answered by Proud to be 59 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nothing good will come out of lying to him, that just puts her on the same level as him. Confronting him will only bring on more lies and hurt so why do it. Shes already comtemplating divorce on the grounds of adultery so why not do it. She will get the kids and child support and possibly spousal support if shes not working. Just get it over with, she ll be further ahead and no more game playing. If she goes thru with her plan he could hit her with committing fraud with the intent to deceive him out of money which would really cause her problems. Good luck
2007-02-23 20:39:12 · answer #2 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
By her do you mean you?
I wouldn't do it. She is the better person. He is obviously the slimeball. Don't ever do anything to tip the scales to balance them. All you have in the end is your integrity. If she did that, think of the argument they would have.
Her: You cheated on me and yada yada yada...
Him: Well, you were going behind my back plotting to leave me and being deceptive and spending our money.
Then she has taken away some of his guilt by her action. Don't let her do that. She'll get plenty of help by getting half his money in child support. That'll help her on her feet until maybe she won't need any support from him.
I hope it works and I know how much it hurts...I've been through it.
2007-02-23 20:55:57 · answer #3 · answered by sickblade 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For one she needs to tell him. No point in lowering herself to his level and lying. She is already staying with family why can't she get her family to help her out with the kids while she gets a job? There is also government assistance that can help with childcare. There are many options out there then the excuse "Well I don't have money or transpo so I can't get a job" There are buses. Hello!
2007-02-23 21:44:30 · answer #4 · answered by Stumped 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would let him keep sending the money so she can dump his useless ***....As for child care she can get help through welfare they will pay for whom ever she wishes to babysit for her kids....Take the money and run the way I see things He isn't to worried about how she feels with his game playing so let the games begin...who will come out with the larger amount of money....tell her to play the game right and she will win all the way around....good luck to her...
2007-02-23 21:48:11 · answer #5 · answered by futurecreationsusa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her to make a copy of every check he sends. She'll need it for court when he files.She won't have to pay it back, its called child support and alimony. Good luck to your friend.
2007-02-23 20:52:06 · answer #6 · answered by justcurious 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she should just file. she told him before what would happen if he continued with his mistakes. he knows but wont stop it. when she files she can get support through the courts. what is she waiting for?
2007-02-23 20:39:36 · answer #7 · answered by zsaffireblue2003 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
take the money and run to the lawyers office. let him find out when he gets the papers.
tit for tat so they say.
2007-02-23 21:23:03 · answer #8 · answered by KRIS 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That would be just like him to evade his reponsibility of the sacrifice she made!
2007-02-23 20:31:30 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋