My girlfriend is black and I was inspired to write her a poem but I don't know if this will offend her or not. Please tell me what you think:
Beautiful like the night sky.
She soars above, oh so high.
Glistening and glittering like the spring rain.
Yet demanding and powerful like searing pain.
A heart of the purest, shining gold.
She is the warmth from the bitter cold.
She feels me with the purest of bliss.
With only a touch, maybe a kiss.
2007-02-23 12:05:19 · 20 answers · asked by thescientist353 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Other - Cultures & Groups
I know it still needs work, but I was worried that maybe the first line might annoy her. Your imput will be greatly appreciated.
Thanks!
2007-02-23 12:05:54 · update #1
Oh my God that is so sweet if she's a good girlfriend she'll love it I wish my fiance would write a poem for me he's white and I love him to death he did write me one when we were first dating and I read it over and over I almost cried and I showed it to all my girlfriends I was so happy so good luck she'll love it
2007-02-23 12:12:31 · answer #1 · answered by joesgirl3588 1 · 5⤊ 2⤋
As a black woman in general, I assume that's how you want me to read it, I wouldn't be annoyed at being compared to the night sky. I might have a problem with having my powerful personality compared to searing pain. Maybe you don't have to rhyme. The rhymes actually seem to get in the way of you saying what you want to say.
If it wasn't for the rain in the line before would you think her powerful personality was like pain?
Anyway the first line is the best line in the poem so don't cut it.
black women don't get annoyed about comments on the beauty of their blackness.
2007-02-23 20:26:41 · answer #2 · answered by slinda 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am a black woman who dates white guys, and one of my boyfriends did a similar thing...wrote a poetry that compared my skin colour to certain elements. I thought it was beautiful. I am a poet myself and I think you have written a beautiful poem, and she should appreciate the poem you so beautifully made. Just know the meaning of each line and also what certain eye-catching words mean. hint- demanding lol. Okay good job and goodluck. mmwah! :-)
2007-02-27 16:22:46 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds good, but she might get a little angry with the line "Yet demanding and powerful like searing pain," but if she loves you, that won't matter.
2007-02-23 20:20:11 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's nice. I love poetry so for a man to write poetry solely for me,wow
2007-02-23 21:24:02 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
that's a nice poem but really, you could've asked the opinion of all women since women, regardless of color, like romantic men. Well at least I do.
2007-02-23 20:21:04 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Women in general love romantic gifts like poetry, so I don't think she'll find if offensive. I know many people in interracial relationships love to adore the different cultural backgrounds each other have, because it's a way to relate to them. I'm Black and if a boyfriend who isn't black wrote me something like that, I'd feel special. Even Black women dating Black men, their men acknowledge their beauty and why they love them. It's definitely sweet and a turn on.
Krazy Libra
2007-02-23 20:13:31 · answer #7 · answered by krazy_libra_from_ac 5 · 5⤊ 3⤋
Sounds beautiful! She'll love it!
2007-02-23 20:47:57 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
As a black man, I wanted to say congratulations and the poem is nice and unoffensive.
2007-02-23 20:10:14 · answer #9 · answered by Michael b 6 · 6⤊ 2⤋
I think that it is a beautiful passage and she'd be silly to think anything else. I would change "feels" to fills in the second to last line however.
2007-02-23 20:11:36 · answer #10 · answered by karen W 4 · 2⤊ 3⤋