How does this sound so far?

Question

I have to do a term paper for my History class about Thomas Jefferson and his domestic issues/political policies and how his decisons went against his principles but were beneficial to the nation and vice versa. This is my introduction, tell me what u think and how i can change it to make it better:

Thomas Jefferson: the third president of our United States, author of the Declaration of Independence, former governor of Virginia, author of the Virginia statue for religous freedom, and much much more. Despite these great accomplishments, Jefferson also made decisions that were not considered honorable and virtuous in the eyes of the people. During his presidency, Jefferson made decisions that were considered to be "political suicide" and also made him look like a hypocrite. For example, Jefferson preached equal rights for man yet was a slave owner himself. He also refused to suport Hamilton's idea of a National Bank but he was suffering (check the additonal details)

from debt after his two consecutive presdental terms. Politically, Jeferson built the American navy to defeat the Barbary pirates, but hefore this he had wanted nothing to do with war nor armies. s the great Thomas Jefferson a hypocrite or just a human being?

keep in mind that this aer is for my TENTH GRADE class

Answer 1

Well, if you read his memoirs and letters, available for free download on Gutenberg.org you can understand a lot more about the man and it would do you good. I thought of Thomas Jefferson as a hypocrite until I read his memoirs and letters.

Thomas Jefferson was a member of the Democratic Republican Party which later shortened it's name to the Democratic Party. The Democrats and the Federalists were at odds back then. Democrats were pro-states rights and had more liberal ideas concerning religious freedoms. Both parties expected Christianity to be the "religion" of the nation, but, Jefferson and the Democrats wanted a much loser reign on that idea and more states rights, weaker Federal Government.

Jefferson only kept slaves for political reasons. The Democrats were pro-slavery so even though he was personally against the institution he kept the slaves while he was alive to maintain political support. My understanding was that he treated them much better than most, although that is debatable.

Thomas Jefferson also helped negotiate a treaty with several Islamic nations that he was totally against. It is commonly called the treaty with the barbary pirates. Thomas Jefferson told Congress about Islamic Jihad in 1786 and was the first President to declare war on a nation because of States sponsored terrorism, Tripoli in 1801 I believe.

Again kind of hypocritical because he had argued against maintaining a federal military, navy in this case, and yet sent the Navy and Marines to war with Tripoli as one of his first acts as President.

Like keeping slaves rather than losing political support, using a federal navy to go to war a better idea than paying extortion money to Islamic terrorists. Not really hypocrisy, it was more like a compromise with his values to the greater good.

Tough compromises and I really felt the pain of his decision making reading his letters and memoirs.

Answer 2

Well it raises a lot of questions in me.
For an introduction that is ok. I dont think that you have to use the words "made him look like a hypocrite", this is a value that you give , I think you should be less moralistic and just sum up some of his generaly accepted dubious decisions and some of his achievements . Dont get to detailistic in the introduction , you wont have anything left to tell afterwards.

Answer 3

I think it sounds great and I'm interested in reading the final report when complete. You have a couple of typo's... hefor should be before and s should be So. Be proud of your paper and if I were grading it you'd get an A.