We have two kids.
He is the most ungrateful person on this planet.
I pay everything, work two jobs and go to school.
He works some bullcrap cable job with a friend and makes less than 100 a week and complains about having to contribute to the bills.
He doesn't hlep with the kids or around the house.
But when we break up or leave each other...he is just so spiteful. He will go to court for the kids even though now he spends no time with them. He will try to turn me to all sorts of places for untrue things just to complicate my life. He will call non stop all day.
But I am just so sick of dealing with the nonsense. The name calling the greedyness. The uncaring unthoughtfulness. I am just tired of all of it.
It is not an option for me to let him take the kids for a weekend. He doesn't deserve it. He has an opportunity now to spend all the time in the world with the kids and he sees them approx 30 min a day...and that is not quality time. Just being in the same place w them..
2007-02-23 09:46:00 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
ANd he is irresponsible. Doesn't pay bills if it weren't for me we would live on the street. Smokes pot. Is just stupid. I leave to go to work third shift and he leaves the kids with my mom and goest to play the playstation at his friends house...He is almost 25! Grow up.
I can't have a adult conversation with him because he doens't listen, swears left and right and turns the whole thing to be about me...or says fine but I am going to see the kids. He just uses the kids as an excuse!
I am just so stressed and don't know what to do.
I am tried of being called names and being told to f off.
I am tired of him not doing crap and being so rude and disrespectful.
His whole family is jacked up...but his mom is with a rich man and he would give him the money for a lawyer...and I don't have that kind of money....
I know the easy thing to say is leave him...but I don't want him to take my kids not even for a weekend. I would be worried sick and he is to inmature.
So what do i do?
2007-02-23 09:49:47 · update #1
We have been together for a very long time.
We are not married.
But we have two kids.
I stay because I don't want to deal with the drama of court for the kdis....it is not worth it to me to loose my kids even for a weekend to someone who doesn't deserve seeing them. He only wants to try to take the kids to get at me...not for his benefit!
That is why I stay....How can i deal with this...
We have tried counsiling...didn't work and he wouldnt stick through it long enough...
And every time I try to have a converstation with him about anything he turns it around to fine i'll leave but i want to see my kids...
And i am not lettin ghim take them...not even for one day!!!
He doens't take care of them while he has them now....!!!
So is there anything i can do besides for continue this way!
2007-02-23 09:56:28 · update #2
If i kick him out i have to deal with the reprocusions of him calling and harrassing me, trying to get me in trouble...just to cause me time and to piss me off, and trying to take my kids...
He isn't around much during the day whiel the kdis are here...about 30 min or so...maybe a little more...mostly at night or during the little five min in and outs do we argue and crap...
I own the house in my name only so he woudl be the one leaving.
It is just the childish bull crap i am trying to avoid as well as not giving up my kids for even one day a wk.
2007-02-23 09:58:42 · update #3
Well as I understand it,and I'm really happy to read this,your kids are your first priority.That is good.The first thing you must do is make sure he can't take them away from you,using his mother's money.If he doesn't work and doesn't have an own house I think the judge will favor you but still,if his mother is ready to help him with it(pay for the kids,let him move back with her) he could have the advantage cause he would have more time,instead of you who work two jobs in order to support your family.Isn't there someone that could help you out with the kids,like your parents?
You can't really stop him from seeing the kids,he has that right.The only way of stopping him is if you can prove he is hurting them in any way(physically of psychologically) and I sure hope that isn't the case here!
You really have a dificult situation there,but I think you should take that big step and leave him,how scary it might seem now.If he is that immature as you say he probably will keep bothering you for a couple of months but then he will find something else,a new girlfriend perhaps, and will be happy with being free and most likely will leave you alone.This situation(being with someone you hate) isn't healthy for you nor the kids.Try to live without him,you need to be able to feel good with your partner and not hate him,that can only cause problems and the tension between you prob can be sensed by the kids,which makes them unhappy and stressed too.Leave for the sanity and tranquility of your kids and yourself!
2007-02-23 10:11:30 · answer #1 · answered by zusje17 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have been through a very,very similar situation - it was hell. I never hated a person so much in my life. After fours year of being apart I still dislike him and his family. But you know, the best revenge is succes.. I have done so much better since I left him and I live so much better than he does and I am a single mom. I have a better job, car, house. He can't even afford his own apartment -he rents a room in someone's apartment. What's funny he lives with a 75 year old woman, her son/girlfriend and her baby granddaughter. I laugh because what kind of bachelor lives with someone else's crying baby! From what I read, you are an ambitious woman who will greatly succeed him. So that is the best revenge.
Firstly, if you have never been married YOU have sole custody. He can try to go to court - but he cannot prove to the court that you are an unfit mother and that less than $100 a week can support a grown man and two kids. It would be very difficult for him to prove that you are an unfit mother. When you are planning your move, go to child support and get that started because that could take almost six months before he will have to pay. It took me three years because this guy knew how to manipulate the system. These guys must be related. I feel for you, I hate my ex and his family and I finally started thinking about my feelings and stood up to them. If you need to vent email or IM me. Stay strong
2007-02-23 18:16:36 · answer #2 · answered by Elle 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Been here,done this! Get proff he is a druggy and when you go to court set it up for a mandatory drug test,it will have to both of you.
Get a restraining order on him and for it to be dilivered to him at work,he will not be able to come back to your house,if he does he goes straight to jail.
If he continually calls your phone take it the police and let them keep it for 24 hours,there are stalking laws and if he threatens you even better.
When you go to the point of the restraining order try to stay with a friend a few days,he will probably have himself in jail within a few days.
Let everyone at work no what is going on so they can look out for you coming and going along with your neighbors.change your time habits, and let them know at the day care what is going on so he cannot take the children.
If it does make it to him getting visitation,make it supervised only where he has to visit the children in someone elses presents and you never have to see him.
As for his mother,does she play an active part in the childrens lives? Use it against her if she doesn't.
2007-02-23 22:53:36 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
even though you don't want to go to court about the kids, and not let them go for even one day, the reality is, they are his kids too.
you have to realize that you CONTINUE to deal with him and take him back after you guys break up, when all this does, is give him the impression that you cant go on without him, which obviously isnt true!!
have you ever heard the saying "you dont know what you got till its gone??"
LEAVE HIM!!
if he doesnt want to spend time with his kids now, wait until he doesnt HAVE the opportunity to do so, when you kick him out.
after a while, he will begin to see that what he is doing, and the way he is acting is a mistake, then he should get his act together.
but you cant continue to take him back time after time.
kids or no kids, YOU DON'T DESERVE THIS!!!!!!!
and all this constant arguing, name calling, and flat out drama, will do MORE HARM THAN GOOD for your children.
you don't want your kids to see you fighting, and see you so upset, or even see the way he acts, because that will only be a detriment to them in future when they grow older, and are in relationships.
trust me, i a, engaged to be married in july.
my fiance has children from a previous relationship.
EVERYTIME he tried to leave his ex, because of all the constant arguing, she would tell him that he couldn't see his kids if he wasn't in a relationship with her, or she would call and tell him something is wrong with one of the children, have him rush over to her house, just so she could start an argument!!
sooo many people try to use their kids against the other person, but the reality is, IT IS NOT RIGHT!!
NO JUDGE, in their RIGHT MIND, would allow and no-money-making/pot-head/verbal abusive/immature/BOY to see his children, at least not without you present during his visitation.
just keep your head up high, and know that what is meant to be will be, because after this is all over, you will be a strong, independent woman, who doesnt need a no-good man in her life.
2007-02-23 18:26:27 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u need to set him up on the pot smoking, than he will have a record, and he will not be able to get the kids unsupervised. sounds like one immature man, who u need to get rid of asap. u can say u don't want the pot in your home, because of your children, he can't get your children, when he starts a fight the next time call the police, get a restraining order, get your pH number changed, just keep up with school, and get a new life away from him.
2007-02-23 18:11:04 · answer #5 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave, file for restraining order for verbal abuse(get a tape recorder and record one of your conversations). Then get a lawyer, or get a lawyer then record the conversations, and whatever else your lawyer would suggest you needing for custody and/or a restraining order.
I hope everything is resolved and better for you and your kids.
2007-02-23 18:07:29 · answer #6 · answered by asimpledork 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first- i am sorry you and the kids have to live with this jerk...
2nd_ is it possible for you to just leave and go to another state etc where he cant find you?
he would have to pay child support IF you go to court and probably couldnt afford that...so you could throw him in jail for default.
if you just want to keep him away from the kids....you have to RUN....and hide them.
make life so miserable for HIM he will not want to stay with YOU........make him LEAVE.....
it is not a pleasant situation...but do not put the kids thru anymore of it.....it will just harm them in the long run.....god bless.
2007-02-23 18:01:46 · answer #7 · answered by STARZ 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'd leave with my kids and tell him he's on his own with his little piddly *** job and the judge will still make him pay child support.
2007-02-23 17:52:41 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
wow....what the hell are you doing...you think this is good for you...healthy for your kids....kick him out and spend some time healing....you and your kids deserve so much better.....you are paying the bills so you will probably save money without him there sucking you dry.....get on with life...good luck
2007-02-23 17:53:54 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This sounds just like my soon to be adultress ex... I can answer this .. u dump him like a hot potatoe b/c he is no good & never will . B/C he has no boundaries in life. Hes defective!!!!!!!!!
2007-02-23 18:07:19 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋