Need advice?

Question

My husband of 10 years is a great guy that i love very much, but he works in another town and goes to school full time and also teaches part time at a college in another town, my kids miss him, I miss him. I feel like my tries at talking have not been very successful, I would like to be closer to him and spend more time but the more i ask he gets a little irritated.

I asked him about moving there so that we would be closer but he said this is where the kids need to be because it is a small town, he does not live in a differant town, but he stays away 2 nights a week

also this town that we live in, he grew up here and all his family is still here. My family lives in town where he works and goes to school and teaches

Answer 1

Well I can't really say I have personal experience from the wife's point of view cause I haven't been married,but I totally can see it from a child's point of view.My father worked at boats when I was young and he was never home,two months in the summer or something like that and the rest of the year he was away.I know he did it for us,so that we can have a good life,so that my mother didn't have to work and could stay home with us,so that we could have whatever we wanted but we didn't have the most important thing:a stable home,with both our paretns.As the years went by I found out that I don't have a relationship with my father,I don't really miss him anymore when he is gone and we keep fighting with each other cause we aren't used to being around each other.Thank god I have a great relationship with my mother but still,there is something missing...Nothing can take the father's place in a child's life and when I look back the only thing I really miss is the presence of my father in my life.
Try talking to your husband again and also let the kids talk to him,let him now how they feel about the situation.Tell him that he is missing so much out on family life and that there is no real way to make up for lost time.Tell him that money isn't everything in life,a healthy family and good relationship with your kids is so much worth than having an expensive car or 300 pieces of clothing.Tell him about your needs.I don't know how he would react but maybe you can show him the answers on your question here.I understand how you feel and how your kids feel,it's like my mother used to say:I didn't got married to sit alone all the time and raise the kids alone.It's a dificult situation,I hope you can work something out.Good luck.

Answer 2

How long has this been going on? And was there ever a time when he didn't have all of these commitments? It could be that he is at a time in his life when he is feeling trapped and is doing all that he can to keep busy and maybe like he can have his own time. It could be like the previous person said...the other woman, but that might be something that you feel in your heart is true or not...I don't think there is enough evidence here to suggest that. Try to catch him alone, or ask for a date night, or have someone watch the kids out of the house so that you two can truly have a quiet night alone. Before you sit down to talk, think about how you are going to discuss the situation in a way that is in no way threatening. Phrase questions like "I have been feeling....I would like to spend more time with you....What can I do? How can I help...." that way you are drawing the focus to yourself and not attacking his motives or his ideas, and he can calmly think about how to work within the situation and a logical and hopefully rational compromise can be reached. Ask questions and make sure he knows how much you care about him, and maybe have the kids write letters to him letting him know how much they miss him. Perhaps also he is working to "bring home the bacon" so to speak and when you inquire about it, he feels inadequate.

The only real way to get to the bottom of your problem and resolve it is with open communication, trust, and honesty. I hope something I said could help. Good luck:) I am sending wonderful thoughts in your direction!

Answer 3

Take him out to dinner and have a heart to heart with him when you are both relaxed. Let him know how you feel about him and that you are proud of his successes. Also tell him that you love him very much and so do the children and that you would like to be able to see and spend a little more time with him. Tell him that the children are going to grow up so fast and that he is missing out on so much. Also let him know that you are willing to make sacrifices (financial, for instance if he cuts back hours).

There are not many things more important then families having time to spend together, even if it is just time relaxing and hanging out. Good luck to you!!

Answer 4

Well that is tough. It is very hard to be away from the one you love. Have you talked to him about relocating? You just have to take one day at a time. Let him know that you love him and miss him very much. He is trying to provide for his family and by you telling him that you want to spend time might make him feel like he has to choose. Let him know that you are there and you are behind him.

Answer 5

Something is not right here. Why can't you move to the other town and live with him? Visit him without warning and see what's going on. I suspect you will find another woman.

Answer 6

From what you say, it seems like he's workaholic and his behavior is affecting your relationship, your home. I think you should go to counseling to work on your communication and explain how much all these activities are affecting your connection and the well-being of your children (lack of their father figure). Usually this type of people suffer of anxiety and have that feeling of trying to embrace the world, but on the other hand they don't realize that by "putting so much on their plates" they tend to neglect other aspects of life like their relationships with love ones. Definitely, therapy is the first step to try to make him to realize that he need to prioritize his family over other activities otherwise his behavior will destroy the family.
Best Wishes!

Answer 7

Why the hell are you living in a completely different town from your husband? And please don't say it's because of a great school system and the kids' friends. Are you separated? If not this is extremely weird.

Answer 8

Is his college and work in the same town? if so you may want to think about moving there. . .it would save him driving time leaving him with more time to spend with you and the family.

Hope that helps

Answer 9

well then find a way to ask his boss if he could take a break. its hard if your husband is like that, you know... having no time for your family. and he should have time for all of you even at least once a week.

Answer 10

wow, our realationship can get like that sometimes, but I always ask him gently if he would like to do something that he likes, you know so that he's spending time with you but not making it a chore. Cause that what some men might think when they have to spend time with thier girlfriends or wives. "I have to make sure I listen to her, I always have to make sure she's happy, it's always about her!" With his busy lifestyle, let his time with you be his time. Just a suggestion.