Is this wrong....?

Question

My husband has been spending a lot of extra time with a coworker and she has been showering him with gifts. I have confronted him on this and he says they are just friends and he can't promise me to spend less time with her.

My question is this.....Is it wrong of me to "spy" on him??? I can't actually see what is going on inside the office but I have toyed with the idea of sitting in the parkinglot next to the building and watching to see when she leaves and what, if anything (like a kiss or whatever), happens when he walks her to her car....

I know its not because of work that they are spending so much time together.....its personal...he says that they just sit there and talk...but he started being 30 min late and now ranges from 2 - 3 hours late

I have asked him to limit/spend less time with her...but he said he can't do that...he actually said "I can't promise you that I can do that because she needs me"......

And I have told him how it makes me feel, but he just brushed it off...it kinda made me feel like her feelings were more important than mine....I told him I was uncomfortable and he said "She is too"...he has also said "i have noticed" but hasn't changed his behavior to make me feel better...

And as for doing things together.....I have tried that as well, but they were both visably uncomfortable...They were in the front of the business and I walked in and talked for a little while...they kept looking at each other....later my husband said that he felt uncomfortable having me there...and now they hang out away from the front door in room in the back...the reason I know this is I have driven by (onn my way home from the gym) and the front lights have been turned off, they are not in the front, but both of their cars are still there...

Answer 1

1. Don't spy on your husband. He's not denying that he's spending time with this person and if he has indicated that he's not doing anything inappropriate with her, you need to respect him enough to trust him

2.Be honest: calmly explain that him seeing this co-worker makes you uncomfortable and tell him that he needs to limit the time he spends with this person or end the relationship outside of work if values your feelings and your marriage.

3. If all else fails suggest spending time with the two of them, you could all go out for coffee, Etc.
If he's in the right, he won't have an issue doing things as a group. If he has something to hide, he won't accept your offer and you can look at next steps (marital counseling, separation)

Answer 2

Let me start out by saying NOOOOOOOO it is not wrong of you to be spying on him. This is your husband we are talking about. Hon you have every right to know what is going on. If you want to sit in front of that building or go inside that office then go right a head, but just be prepared for what you might catch. It could turn out to be something you don't want to see. As for the gifts hell no. I would open my mouth with or without people standing there. She has no right buying your hubby gifts. If he keep taking these gifts he obviously is enjoying it and therefore he does want this to continue on. It is wrong girl. Don't let this man play you for a fool. Do what you have to do.

Answer 3

What do you think your Husband is doing with this so-called lady friend of his? having a chat, and why does he pay more attention to her needs instead of yours, his Wife? There is no need for you to ignore the signs that are in front of you, your Husband is two-timing you, and you believe what he tells you, about being just friends. If you want to salvage your Marriage, what you need to do is confront them both and ask them point blank, if they are having an affair, if they deny it then tell this so-called Lady friend of his to look somewhere else for someone to heal any wounds she has. But, as it looks, I think that when a Husband starts to look for greener pastures away from his Den then what is better for you is Divorce him because you will never be happy with someone that does not value you, his Wife. Dump him and with time there will be someone else that will really will make you happy, because you deserve it.

Answer 4

Don't spy, don't confront her, don't hire Cheaters, don't spend one more minute agonizing over this. Play the fool meanwhile save the PI money and hire a lawyer and divorce his sorry tail. At the very least you can file emotional abuse. This is it honey. Invest all of the energy that you are spending wondering what he is doing deciding what you are going to do. See how uncomfortable he gets when he gets hit with surprise divorce papers. Plan wisely, make sure that he moves out, get alimony and start over with someone who puts you first. In the meantime understand that he is the one with the problem you are solving yours by getting rid of him.

Answer 5

your husband doesn't care about your feelings...because if he did he would not put you through this. It is not your imagination, that he's either cheating or planning on cheating. How could he put her friendship before you. Maybe you guys should get counseling. He's probably bored with you. Have you gotten a new hair do, lost weight, dress sexy? You must keep a person interested in you by caring about yourself too. Tell him you think he's fooling around and it might lead to a divorce if he does not stop hanging out with his coworker...

Answer 6

first of all, he should have not been taking gifts from a coworker, and you can tell she does not have respect for his marriage, because she would not have given him anything, I think the coworker is looking for more than a friendship with your husband, if I was you, yes I would check more into the situation, don't be blind, you should not have to ask your own husband to stop spending time with his coworker, he should should have never started. thats how little simple things like that turn into big simple things. good luck

Answer 7

I am somewhat suspicious. Don't spy yourself. If you could afford it, hire a private detective to do the work for you. It would probably take him one or two days to find out the truth. I don't like the fact that he told you he cannot promise you that he will spend less time with her. If you do decide to hire a private detective, and he gets the "goods" on your husband; confront him with your evidence and if he tells you that you are crazy or he tries to lie his way out of your questioning, I would file for divorce. Sorry

Answer 8

Difficult one. I don´t think confronting him is a good idea. Imagine this: the guy works the whole day and gets home to his bugging wife. Not attractive at all. If I was you, I would spend time out with my friends as well and get home after he does. Try to always look your best and when he gets home receive him with a big smile.

Answer 9

Girl, I think in your heart and mind you already know the answer to this. He IS CHEATING on you and telling you a bunch of lies. Kick his A** to the Curb Now. A married man has NO business spending any time with a female co-worker after business hours. You are a Fool if you allow him to treat you this way..

Answer 10

I see nothing wrong with spying on your husband. You may see just enough to confirm your suspicions about his relationship with his co worker. Of course he's not going to be honest with you about what's going on, but you're already starting to see the real picture. I played "I Spy" once, when I was married, saw what I had suspected in the parking lot where he worked, & when he got home form work, I confronted him about what I'd seen. He had the nerve to bawl me out for spying. Actually, he was just mad because I was wise to him. If you decide to spy on the two of them, make sure you are not seen. Then go home & wait for him to return home. Shame on both of them, but let them have their fun, & in the meantime, see your lawyer, tell him/her what hubby's been up to, then go from there.