help, ihave gota three year old and a 3month old and just live by myself?

Question

my hubby never there to help me out, i am looking for suggestions and ideas on how to fall into a proper routine with the two of them especially during bedtimes when the 3year old needs me to be there before she sleeps off
i am not sure how to handle this situation cos my newborn also requires alof of attention and cant leave him just byhimself during bedtimes.
please help am loosing my sanity.

Answer 1

tough question....great question... hmmmm

each child and baby is so very different.... for me this is what I have done with various children during those tricky bedtime routines... I too have had very little (if any) help in those areas.....

for mine now I put everyone in the same room to go to sleep...
routine starts about an hour before dinner... when the toddlers want to fall asleep and start acting out in a tired, angry manner... one goes to the tub... usually prompting the other to want to... I would nurse the baby (or give a bottle if bottle fed) filling that belly.... being sure to burp so I know he is full of food not air....nothing worse than the routine thrown for that..lol.. and it happens! I sit in the bathroom... unconventionally on the floor to do this... I found towels and/or a small pillow prop will allow me to be mostly hands free to play with the toddlers in tub and wash them up while feeding baby.... I get the toddlers out and toweled warm pjs..... dinner has by then cooled off (sorry, I will have turned it off by then to cool for the kids) set them up with food, drinks etc. and bathe baby who is already trying to be sleepy-headed too.... washed up and in fresh change of footsie pjs.... the toddlers are probably having a war with food by then... but usually busily eatting.... brush the teeth and wash up.... they are a little wound up at times.. that is when the old tricks come in.. "distract, distract, distract" children's attention can and is easily distracted.. so I will ask about what they want to do tomorrow... or did they have fun today... or what book should we read.... depending on energy levels? I will either have an activity of coloring or drawing... to tire them out a little more... all this is always geared to relax, and tire...never hurts to entertain and build another good memory too..... tv I could use... but? doesn't seem to give a good tired... can wind them up.. and tv is not a babysitter... not fair, I think, to a toddler.... if table activities do not do it.. we build a fort and have a secret meeting... led by toddlers....lol...have a race from one end of house/room to the other....except for winter, I take the kids to the park right after dinner and do races and obstacles for thirty minutes...then bedtime..... if already tired straight to reading... again the baby is right there.. I have a sling, seat and when push goes to shove? he goes in between the toddler and I..... we read books... ones the baby's is captured by, ones the toddler enjoy hearing and reading to me... it is one story each (three in our case) and then I pick one and it is lights out... I sing four to five songs for each child (whcihever their favorites are) I have a horrid singing voice.. but my children like (love) it.... so I have always done it... and in the dark there all kids and baby (with bottle or with nursing) I make sure I arrange the the songs so that they get slower and lower towards the last ones and by then as long as nothing is wrong all are asleep.... when I sneak out I take baby with me... although there have been nights I am as sound asleep as them...lol... all snuggled through the night... :)

the things I have found not only do not work (for us at least) and are no fun (cause stress for me)
fighting, arguing; with either an over-tired, over-stimulated toddler.. if I have a problem I go over in my mind what happened throughout the day, how I reacted... did I miss something... believe it or not, once I did not praise a drawing over-animatedly and for that I had a three year old who thought it was not good enough and threw fits all night... so after talking to doctors and teachers? I took some of what each said that fit our lives/family.... I play with them if they are wound up... lol... with an agreed time to end with toddler... keeping it all simple? they do understand and to promise of future playtimes like fort building... they fall into the routine...
feeling pressure; to either stick to a strict (very) schedule or have the house perfect for when hubby gets home.... or any of the other million things that plague us... simply? the children and flowing with them.... if I want the routine to end at seven thirty but the children are happier doing it in a way it ends at eight? it ends at eight.... thirty minutes more is fine and we are all happier.... and then I will do whatever else needs doing....
routines do take time to shift.. a thirty minute difference from when you are getting to sleep for example may take a month or a little longer to bring about... patience.... just remember.... that although routines and schedules are important for secure feelings, and parental sanity.... a calm, happy mommy who is cheerfully there, playing and caring/tending is much more important... so go with the flow... make up the rules with the little ones (you and them) as you go along.. it is your family... your lives... your own way! :)
hope this was not too long? and the info is of help....
good luck
feel free to email if this does help and/or you would like to exchange any other ideas?

Answer 2

I also have a two kids and I am a single mom it stressfull finding the right routin. My oldest sones routin was earsier to change than my newborn. So What I did was for a few mo was my new born would fal asleep in his stroller pretty easly so I would take my sons out for a walk about !hour befor my oldest went to sleep by the time we went two blocks the baby is asleep and the oldest is getting tired so I would go inside with the stroller and give my oldest a bath and read him a book for bed time tug him and if I was lucky I might ge t a moment befor the my youngest realizes he is not moveing anymore. or I would rrock the stroller back and forth. other things I did was in the baby room I would but a rug so if my son was awake when I was breast feeding I would tell him sit on the rug and if your quite when I but your brother down we will go have a treat and I would sing to both them till the little one was asleep and me and oldest would sneak out and doing something togather. Now that my youngest is close to a year they play in the liveing room togather my 4 year old will race cars and my youngest would try to craw after them and they take baths togather and my oldest will watch Clifford in the liveing room if my youngest needs my attention. here are somethings to do help them bond so your oldest is a bigger help then a big pain
1) let him help you with the baby
2) make your oldest feel like he is a big boy by throwing something away
3) Instead of pushing him find him a task so he thinks he is Important
4) if both are sleepy all three of you lay in bed togather
5) with your yougest bettween your legs push a car or boy to the oldest
6) if one gets a treat so does the other
It worked for me and now if my oldest gets hut my youngest crys for them if my youngest is with my mom my oldest worrys about him and says I miss him go get him

Answer 3

My Ex-Wife and I split up when My Daughter was not much older than that. I did not get the lashing out I got the crying that I did not love them anymore and "why can't you just come home" and other things like that. What I did was to tell my little one that sometimes adults have to do things that kids just don't understand. Sometimes adults do things that ADULTS don't even understand. I told her that I Still Loved her and still cared for her mother but we just could not live in the same house. The important thing to remember here is be patient with him. As hard as this was for you it is twice as bad for him cause he does not understand. What ever you do DO NOT let him think that there is a chance of you two getting back together. Kids may not understand something but they are smart enough to PLAY it to the limit and you will regret it.

Answer 4

Youre three yr old is going to have to become a little more independent. But you can still be there for her. Have a specific bed time for the three year old. Every night at that same time try to put your infant down 15 to 20 minutes before, that way you have 20 minutes or so to spend with your toddler. I know its hard, but youll survive. I have a 4 month old a five year old and watch 10 month old twins during the day. Ive got it down to where they all take naps at the same time. Just be on time, all the time. STAY ON SCHEDULE. Good luck:)

Answer 5

I understand how hard this can be - your 3 yr old has a routine and of course the 3 month old doesn't - I usually leave my 3 month old in his swing while I do my daughter's bedtime routine, but often have to go attend to the baby betwwen sections of the routine - I get her to brush her own teeth after I set her up, then go deal with the baby and give her teeth a once-over, then ask her to pick a story while I go pop his soother in again, and often flashcards are interrupted too, in which case she does them on her own until I get back... It's far from perfect, but my daughter understands that the baby needs stuff and is quite forgiving, usually she is the one to cry "baby's crying! go help baby!"
And if he cries during her bedtime kiss, it is almost good, because she accepts that you have to go.
It is enough to drive you crazy, but when you can't take it anymore, just remind yourself that it is temporary, and if you come up with a better solution, please let me know!

Good luck!

Answer 6

have the 3 year old help like a big girl or boy should at that age. make him bathe with his sis or bro and help you. He should be ok to stay by himself in the tub for a few seconds while you take care of the baby...also, you can put a cartoon on for your 3 year old and have him help you feed your 3 month old with the bottle. Then you can have them both lay in your bed and hopefully they'll both sleep.

Answer 7

Didn't you post like last night about this? I'm sorry you are having difficulties but it seems that you need to put your foot down with your husband. Why don't you put the baby in a carseat or infant seat and take him into the bedroom with you while you get the older baby to sleep. Or vise versa.

Answer 8

Let your three month old get some tummy time or swing time while you tuck the older child in. Start a routine, and stick withit. That age depends very much on consistency. Try a last night drink, toilet, story, hug & kiss and tuck her in. If she gets out, keep putting her back in the bed. She'll probably be upset about the new change of pace...but if you stick with it, she'll catch on fast.

Answer 9

I know that most people will strongly disagree with me, but I say let her sleep with you and put the baby in a pack-n-play or crib in your room! here are my reasons

1. She needs all the extra affection she can get esp. since daddy isn't there much. THEY NEED THE CLOSENESS (and this is the most important reason I can give).

2. You need some down time, too! Being mommy and daddy both all day long takes a lot out of you! She will go down easier, baby will be close by, and you can either take a nap too or read quietly in bed, listen to head phones, play with baby on the floor, whatever you feel like.

We moved twice within a five months in 2005 when my husband got out of the military and all of the commotion ruined my then two year old's and 9 month old's perfect nap and bedtime routines. It was a lot for them both. We bent lots of rules because they were so needy. Now that we are settled in our new house and they are more comfortable, we have been able to slowly introduce some new routines. Here is our progress:

1. we started with me laying down with them.
2. over time, I moved from the bed to a chair nearby where I could read or do email on our laptop and they could clearly see me
3. later on I moved the chair into the next room. If they would get whiney, I would firmly but lovingly reassure them that I was nearby, but I wasn't going to lay down with them. I would stay in the other room. If they got out of bed, they would be punished.

4. Now, after being here for over a year, I can send them to bed and not even go upstairs with them. At nap, no toys or books in bed. At nighttime, they are allowed a bunny or babydoll, one book, or a travel size magna doodle. The four year old can look at a counting book and practice on her own or look at a picture/story book that she practically has memorized and keep herself quietly entertained until she is sleepy. The two year old will play mommy to her bunny. She tucks her in and tells her not to get out of bed, says prayers with her, etc. It is really sweet! We do have our rough nights when they get out of bed, but being consistant is the KEY. They must stay in bed. They must know that it is bedtime! The four year sometimes never goes to sleep for her nap, but she knows that it is time to rest and must stay in bed quietly for naptime.

What do you do if the baby needs you and the 3yr old cries when you get up? She is old enough to know that she is a big sister now and mommy needs her help by obeying and staying quietly in bed. You must be consistent and try try try not to loose your temper. She loves you and needs you to reassure her that you are not leaving her, just the room.
If you absolutely can't lay down with her at naps, Try this approach: Get a book or toy that is really special and a sippy cup (I know at three, that's probably too old, but trust me I'm going somewhere with this) and let her pick a favorite drink (chocolate milk, apple juice, her choice within reason). Every afternoon when it is nap time,tell her it is time for nap and you need her help. let her get the juice out of the fridge and let her pour it while you assist. Tell her to get her babydoll, picture book, whatever it is that is her favorite, and lead her to bed. Put her in first, give her the cup (with lid so it won't spill) and tuck in her doll with her. Ask her to make her bed when she wakes up. She will feel grown up because she helped get everything together and the big sister mind set will quickly sink in. She will know that it is part of her responsibility to help mommy by getting juice and making bed. She will feel good when you praise her and call her such a good helper. She will begin helping with her brother more too! She can bring diapers to you or perhaps you can always let her find the pacifier/bottle/wipebox because "she is such a good finder and you don't know what you'd do without her!" even though you knew all along it was by the couch on the floor...

This is hard, I know. I'm a stay at home mom and my husband goes to work and university full time. We are expecting our third! I'm potty training the 2year old and I'm supposed to be on bed rest! You and I must fill in for Daddy, who wants to be there but can't as much as he'd like! We must be DOUBLY patient and affectionate.

As far as loosing your sanity goes.... PRAY! Christ will give you that extra measure of strength and patience when you don't think you have any more! Trust me on this, I've never said anything more true! I'd love to hear your progress!

Answer 10

I'd work on your husband. Why is he running off and leaving you with two kids? What's his biggest priority in life? Himself?