How does this sound so far?

Question

I have to do a term paper for my History class about Thomas Jefferson and his domestic issues/political policies and how his decisons went against his principles but were beneficial to the nation and vice versa. This is my introduction, tell me what u think and how i can change it to make it better:

Thomas Jefferson: the third president of our United States, author of the Declaration of Independence, former governor of Virginia, author of the Virginia statue for religous freedom, and much much more. Despite these great accomplishments, Jefferson also made decisions that were not considered honorable and virtuous in the eyes of the people. During his presidency, Jefferson made decisions that were considered to be "political suicide" and also made him look like a hypocrite. For example, Jefferson preached equal rights for man yet was a slave owner himself. He also refused to suport Hamilton's idea of a National Bank but he was suffering (check the additonal details)

from debt after his two consecutive presdental terms. Politically, Jeferson built the American navy to defeat the Barbary pirates, but hefore this he had wanted nothing to do with war nor armies. s the great Thomas Jefferson a hypocrite or just a human being?

keep in mind that this aer is for my TENTH GRADE class

Answer 1

I think it sounds great but i would try to keep 'for example' and 'also' out of you introduction.

Answer 2

Great start.