my bestfriend is getting married and the guy shes marrying is a total jerk to her...shes totally in denial about it now since he popped the question. i told her how i feel she wouldnt talk to me and told me im a bad friend. then uninvited me to the wedding (which was fine with me bc i would have been putting out close to a grand) but now we have talked and she wants me back as the maid of honor...WHAT DO I DO???
2007-02-23 09:12:29 · 11 answers · asked by Sunshine 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
My reason for this is NOT bc i dont like him its not selfish reasons at all. its bc they have been together for a year and for the last year i have already been wiping her tears bc of stuff he does to her. she had surgery and he was no where to be found...he ignored her calls and only showed up when he needed his laundry done. now am i still wrong for my feelings against him? i want to support her but not if it means seeing her hurt even more than she already has been
2007-02-23 10:01:03 · update #1
It is best to support your friend. Besides if things don't go well in the marriage, you will be the one she runs to for help and support. If you don't think you can be positive at the wedding though, that may be a good reason to decline. I would hope that she would understand that you want to be her friend, but not his.
2007-02-23 09:16:54 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to look at the first two words in your explanation: BEST FRIEND.
You've already told her how you feel about the marriage, and she decides to marry the guy anyway. I hope you at least have valid reasons and concerns, and not just that you don't like him. Your friend heard what you said, and either dismissed them or considered them, but didn't change her mind. That's all you can do at this point; you won't change her mind at this point, all you'll do is further alienate you from her, and she will feel less comfortable coming to you if there is a problem in her marriage or she comes to agree with you in time.
Besides, the wedding is HER day, not yours. The position is called a "maid of honor" because there should be great honor in asking that of someone. Consequently, there should be great honor in accepting it.
After all, consider that she knows how you feel about the match and she STILL wants you to be her primary witness! You would be losing her as a friend if you declined. I've seen it before.
She needs you to be her best friend and maid of honor, and to be supportive in her decision, even if you disagree with it.
2007-02-23 17:29:37 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been there done that!!!! Recently!!! Stick to your guns. Only difference is that I never told her anything negative only tried to comfort her when she didn't have time for anything else other than to be under his butt. She would worry about not getting anything done for the wedding and I would tell her to set a time aside for the wedding and a time for him. I went in to debt helping with this wedding just to have her turn her misery on me and we are now no longer friends. Tell her you would love to be there for her, but after she has told you once that she doesn't want you in the wedding that you would rather not be in the wedding.
2007-02-23 17:24:53 · answer #3 · answered by mom of 2 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should have a heart to heart talk with her and make sure that he's the one for her. After you feel that her decision is her own and the wedding is still going to happen, then be her friend and honor her wishes.
If you want to set her up...try to seduce him and prove what a jerk he really is....
2007-02-23 17:16:43 · answer #4 · answered by chad_zortman 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You gave your advice....she can choose to take that advice or not to. As much as you wish otherwise she is not required to follow every piece of advice that you offer up. And, obviously she didn't choose to listen in this regard so let it go...be friends with her. That means supporting her at her wedding and in her marriage.
2007-02-23 17:23:52 · answer #5 · answered by digdowndeepnseattle 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree, you have to support her even if you know that you will be wiping her tears when it doesn't work out. You've been honest about your feelings about him, now it's time to let her make her own choice.
2007-02-23 17:17:42 · answer #6 · answered by AC180 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is your friendship with her important to you?
If yes, go to the wedding and be her maid of honor.
If not, decline the invitation.
2007-02-23 17:17:48 · answer #7 · answered by sassybree1979 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she is truly your bf,she will stick by her and be in the wedding but if you feel that this is something that you don't want to be a part of and your friendship is not worth it then don't go.
2007-02-23 17:16:22 · answer #8 · answered by TH 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have to be there for her. You already talked to her about how you feel now you have to be there for her. and if that jerk is still a jerk to her she will eventually see it herself and you should be there during that time too.
2007-02-23 17:22:42 · answer #9 · answered by DaNeCoOk Is HiLaRiOuS 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you should go,because since she asked you it means she loves you and cares about youu
2007-02-23 17:15:58 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋