I am still hung up on my ex of 2 years apparently eventhough I am in a relationship that is 10 times better than with my ex. My ex couldnt keep a job, had a drug problem, stole things, never showed me any affection...etc.
I moved to a diff state to be with my family and my ex and I still keep in touch and now he is claiming to be a changed man, that me moving away made him realize what mistakes he was making and now he wants me back too. I am so scared to go back to that but it crosses my mind daily. My current bf quit his job and moved here to be with me, works long hours but really shows me love and makes me happy. I really do love him but i think about all the "what if's". Has anyone out there gone thru this or similar to where you can offer me some advise?
2007-02-23 09:01:25 · 21 answers · asked by Just my Luck 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Don't take this the wrong way, but you probably suffer from co-dependency. That is, you have a psychological or behavioral defect that you mistakenly believe is resolved only by being with your ex. You may not even be aware of this co-dependency. However, it is very common among spouses of drug users. Another common characteristic among co-dependents is that they normally come from a dysfunctional family, and they often seek dysfunctional relaltionships as adults. They seek dysfunctional relationships becuase it is the only type of relationship they know, and they think a dysfunctional relationship is normal, on the subconscious level.
2007-02-23 09:09:20 · answer #1 · answered by Jack Chedeville 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you may love him as a friend or family member, the unconditational kind of love. but in all reality he has to really want the change and usually helps in cousneling its how he can stay "changed". normally when a guy says he has changed, he will fall back into his old habbits with the person that had accepted them before. and he will most likely at some point fall back into it whether its he loses his job and then gets back into drugs, etc. rule of thumb, you cut off all connects to the person for 60 days then after that, you have had time to heal from a broken heart and either realize he isnt worth your time, or you become friends and can handle the friendship with boundaries. there are many reasons you may love or not love someone. the relationship you have now will last longer and be healthier than the one the ex can offer for you. go cold turkey on the ex and even if you want to call him DONT. give your new relationship a chance for the next 60 days, no contact with the ex. then see what happens.
2007-02-23 17:15:38 · answer #2 · answered by R. M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know how you feel. I was with some one for over 2 yrs and then on and off for another 3. He was my first love and I know it can hurt really bad when you think about all the good and bad times you had together. the truth is if you really love your current boyfriend and if your heart truly does belong to him then stay with him. I went back to my ex so many times and gave up plenty of good guys to be with him and it never worked out in the end. My ex always ended up leaving me heartbroken. I know that everyone is different and it could work out for you so please don't think I am saying it wouldn't I am just using my own experience here as an example. I am now with an amazing guy myself and we are expecting a baby in just a few days. I love him a lot and would never leave him for my ex or anyone for that matter. You want to know why? Because I know how much he loves and respects me. And believe me it is hard to find a good guy who is actually the real deal. If your b/f is as I described mine to be then I wouldn't let him go if I were you. You might end up regretting it. At the same time if you really want your ex then well you have to be happy and only you can make that happen. So what I am saying is follow your heart. You are the only one who knows what is right for you in the end. Good luck with your decision.
2007-02-23 17:10:28 · answer #3 · answered by poetryprincess 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey you know the answer here. Even if he changed do you really want him back? If your present boyfriend loves you and makes you happy why on earth would you consider going back to someone with a drug problem , didnt show you any affection, and too lazy to work? My vote is forget the ex hes an ex for a reason. If you go back, dont be surprised when you hear him say will I just got high once, or it wasnt my fault I got fired, or when he says attention, affection whats that?
2007-02-23 18:10:20 · answer #4 · answered by letthepartybeginnow 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont do it, Dont ruin something that is great just to something that may not be. Although Im sure you really want to so if you do decide to look into it don't do it all at once, what I mean by that is, tell your bf now that you are going to go visit an old friend, then go hang out with your ex boyfriend, see how things go you will know then what you should do. Do not leave everything you have to have possibly nothing.
2007-02-23 17:09:17 · answer #5 · answered by me. 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave things as they are. At this point, your ex has damaged your trust too much to ever get it back, and you should tell him so. Can you honestly say that you wouldn't constantly be searching for little signs of drug use, or looking for lies, or waiting for the shoe to drop in some way??
You saw all the what-ifs the first time, and they turned into never-can-be's. Harden your heart to the ex, and cut all ties with him. You both have too much history to start over, and you sound perfectly happy where you are with your current man. Devote your thoughts to making THIS relationship the best it can be.
2007-02-23 17:07:24 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Yes. I had to learn to quit looking back.Sometimes we wnneed a closure and try to fix everthing. We Can't do that. Their will be memories forever. You gave your X a chance and he blew it, so enjoy with all your heart the man in your life now. Don't think of you past relationship as a failure, but a learning experience and move on. Sounds like you new guy really loves you with an unselfish love.
2007-02-23 17:10:32 · answer #7 · answered by ladybugjan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm just guessing here but maybe you had a rough childhood and you wish to replicate those experiences thru your relationships. Not that you would do that intentionally but if grew up in a tough household then thats the way you might think relationships work. But stick with the better guy
2007-02-23 17:07:27 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
look dont fall 4 the whole i've changed trap. u still have feeling 4 him because u care about him deeply no matter whut. but u deserve betta dont stoop low ur life could be on the risk if u go with him again. so 4get him and move on with some1 else that is right 4 u. if u really loved him u would leave him alone 4 good. bye and good luck!
2007-02-23 17:08:19 · answer #9 · answered by eyecandie 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
old guy took you for granted, it's sad but true, females are drawn to guys that take them for granted. it's like a drug to them and you need a fix. it's not so much the "Bad Boy" you like it was the fact he took you for granted and did chase you like new whiney "nice" b/f. new whiney b/f is like a g/f to you, you liked the chaos your life was in before, you loved the drama. you may not go back to old b/f but you will move on to a new old b/f before all is said and done. you are an addict, maybe not drugs but it is just as destructive as drugs. he may have changed, you may have created the monster he became because that is what you wanted, women do it all the time. now he has reverted back to pre-psycho g/f.
2007-02-23 22:47:05 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋