What makes people see divorce as the only option?

Question

My problem is I want to eventually experience other women. BUT, I love my wife and my financial situation as it is right now.

Why should one have to give up a good woman and a great lifestyle to experience all that life has to offer? And If she asked for the same, I would allow it no questions asked.

I have read about swinging and all that , but not sure If I would want to actually know the girl. I'm just down for the dirty stuff if you know what I mean.

And yes, STD's are a real possibility. I know this and you don't have to preach. But you take this risk at any time that you are being promiscous.

Life is weird and people change. Back when I first got married, the thought did not occur to me that I would want to sleep with X amount of women before settleing down. Seems like you do the right thing and you always end up screwing yourself out of something.

The thing I hate most is that people that have had thier "FUN" are the first to put me down for being human.

For those of you that think I'm being selfish, I have busted my @ss for a long time to get to where I am. My wife recognizes all of my efforts. She works just as hard as I do.

I'm not a typical dude that thinks about sex only and does not have a real career.

And please don't preach to me about vows and sacred marriage. You all know as well as I do that that bunk is meaningless.

In fact, if most of you could get away with it, I bet you would get some fun on the side while still being married.

And by the way, the sex life is great with the wife.

But there is always that nagging though in the back of my head that asks, what would it be like with another chick.

Answer 1

From what you mentioned, you love your wife and financial situation, but you lack of spark in your sex life. I would recommend you to talk to her to see other options to enhance your sex life, or go to counseling....cause it would be very sad to give away a good marriage for some "bootie" on the side. don't you agree?

As for STDs, that's a risk involved in this situation if you are thinking about having sex outside marriage. that's why it's good to know the person a little before you "get down and dirty". I know of some swing parties (sex parties) that are more controlled than just picking up someone from a club or streets.

In the Bay area, there are parties where the hostess screens the participants before the party...she's registered nurse and she's very concious about hygiene to avoid STDs. Usually the parties are for professionals, in a safe comfortable place. there is no pressures and there are rules that everyone must obey like always wear comdoms, always wash your hands before start "playing" with someone. Otherwise the individuals are kicked out of the party. Also, check out the "lifestyle lounge" and go to yahoo groups for swingers, cragslist for erotica posts. I don't know where you are located, but if you come to San Francisco, check out "Power Exchange", club "Lush". the "Pleasure Zone parties" there is one this Saturday named Red Ball, and try to get invited to Blondie's parties.

Anyway, talk to your wife, ask her that you would like to experience more in your life, and explain how deeply this is affecting you. Be honest about it and she might want to be part of it. Lifestyle is definetely a complex way of having relationship, but with respect and understanding, it can be very interesting for both parties (you and your wife). The most important thing is to be open about it and haver a clear understanding of what is right or wrong...what you are allow to do that she won't be jealous about it. Woman are jealous of the emotional connection that you might have with someone else, so make sure that you explain that to her, also if you are planning on doing this,it also should be "equal rights" for her to also explore her sexuality as she wishes. So be mentality prepare to support her sexual fantasies.

Good luck and have fun! ;-)

Answer 2

There is no "legal" vow of "eternity" so if it were in the legal contract it would have nothing to do with anyone's religion. "Most divorces take a year anyways and cost a fortune. This would avoid all that but on the downside it would make a lot of divorce lawyers go out of business." Unfortunately it is very seldom the ending of the marriage that costs so much but the "negotiation'. A sutset clause in the legal contract wouldn't prevent argument over who gets the glow in the dark Elvis painting. Also I've never quite understood why divorce itself is considered a bad thing. It would be infinitely worse if two people who could no longer stand each other had to remain together. Divorce isn't always or I would venture a guess even often foreseeable from the beginning. People change. The person you're married to becomes a different person than the one you married. That is an absolute.

Answer 3

If you wanted to experience with other women, then you should have never married. You should have thought about that before marrying that wonderful woman that you have now.

With those thoughts that you have, I also think that your wife married the wrong man. She expected someone who is honest and trustworthy, but instead she has married the opposite.

If you have this kind of thinking right now, then that means that you are still wanting to live the 'single' life and screw around with different women to satisfy your own desires and not give a hoot about those women.

People see divorce an only option because they really don't want to take the time to work on the problem. Instead, they take the easy way out and run away from their problems. I hope that you are not like those people.

I would consider on getting these two great books called, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" and "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage".

Remember those marriage vows you made with your wife? She expects you to keep them as with her with you. (smile)

Answer 4

Society today makes people see divorce as the only option. Because 42% of all 1st marriages in the U.S. end in divorce today and 46% of all second, everyone thinks it is okay to go into a marriage with almost a 50% chance of it not going to work out.

Also, divorces used to take much longer. It was really a process. Nowadays, you can just go down to We The People and file for a dissolution of marriage. The typical divorce is much, much faster today than it was when it became popular in the 1980's (HIV Outburst).

Answer 5

I'm not here to put you down. I'm here to give you advice. Talk to your wife and tell her how you feel. Bring up some options with her, such as swinging and find out how she feels. If she is negative towards the idea all together, don't pursue it. If it's that bad for you, maybe you should take a break from being in that monogamous relationship. Divorce is an option in this situation. It means that you've tired of your wife and want to experience different women. Trust me, hun, they're all the same. Sex is sex reguardless of who it's with. Try spicing up your sex life with your wife in it before screwing up the best thing in your life.

Answer 6

I'm not putting you down for being "human", but for the REAL reason you feel this way--because you are immature & selfish.
It's too BAD if you did not sow your wild oats when you were single and SUPPOSED to. But now you are married, and that opportunity, as long as your marriage lasts, is closed to you.
You have two choices...either grow up & spice up the sex life you have, or get divorced & sleep with all the women you want. But having the other women AND the marriage is just plaiun hurtful to your wife,

Answer 7

I don't know if you ever see the movie matrix ,but the little guy say something that actually got my attention : Deny our own feelings is deny that very thing that make us humans .
I love that ....anyway I totally understand you, but that is our society ,which is good also ,because you always try to teach your children's the best in moral , well we are human ,and we all make mistakes, you should probably talk with your wife if she let you ,or ask her like is your friend in trouble and you can have more sense that what is around you ,you may never know if she actually let you as long you don't leave her .

Answer 8

The best thing for you to do is be upfront with your wife. You have an obligation to be upfront with her. She has a right to know how your are feeling about the relationship.

Be a man and speak your truth and see where the chips may fall. Who knows you wife my say go for it. She may also tell you to go suck a dinosaur egg but at least your honor is still intact.

What really may happen is your wife would respect you as a person for coming to her first instead of going behind her back. By talking it out you have a real chance of saving your marriage. So often people have affairs because they know their spouse will not accept it. When it is done this way a person is afraid of loosing their life style so they cheat it out of their mate through lies and deception. They prostituted their honor for personal gain.

Answer 9

I just would like to say that I love your question!

When I took my marriage vows I believed in them and I promised myself that I will stick to them. My husband and I had a rough year financially and that brought on many arguments. With those arguments I would think to myself "why did I marry this man?"

My husband loves me more than he loves himself. If I was to look at the big picture...he has done so many wonderful things for me over the years...when my mother passed away he was there to deal with my sadness, my anger and my depression. Just because we had a tough year does not mean that we should just give up...because the years before we were a true team. I know our financial situation will get better, but through our rough times I never stopped loving him.

I think people just give up...because they don't have the patience to help one another through tough times.

Marriage is not easy and it isn't a basket of roses...but with compromise and being a team, any marriage can work only if given the chance

Answer 10

As long as you and your wife agree there is no real problem. Try polyamory. However, if your wife doesn't go along then you have to decide between several options such as 1) maintain your integrity by sticking with your commitment, 2) cheat - which includes lying and breaking your commitment, or 3) divorce.

Good luck as you decide.