How to stop living in the past and move on?

Question

In the last few years I've been through a lot. I've had two abusive relationships and even though I've moved on physically, a lot of that emotional baggage has remained with me. When I'm meeting a new guy and he wants to take me to a certain diner/restaurant, and if I've been there with one of my exes before and it brings up bad memories, I tell him I don't really like the place and reccommend another. Also, because my exes all live close by me and frequent hang out places in my area, when I'm with a new guy, I make sure that we don't go to any place that either I have a bad association with cause I used to go there with an ex, or if it's a place that I know my ex goes to alot, I won't go there because I don't want to run into him. I don't even hang out in my own neighborhood because of this, I always go somewhere where I know my exes would never go. I know it shouldn't be this way, but I'm not sure how I should go about dealing with this. I would really appreciate constructive advice.

Answer 1

I'm sorry you're going through this. But the resolution of this problem is up to you. You say you've moved on physically, but have you moved on emotionally? Regardless of the type of abuse you endure, always remember that a word can be as damaging as a clenched fist. And more often than not, lasting feelings of worthlessness is ofteh the scar tissure.

Women have a tendency to sadly, fall into old habits. You leave one abusive relationship and find yourself in another. You yourself admit youve been in two. An emotionally healthy woman with a good dose of self esteem would never have stayed long enough with the first one to have manifested itself as "abusive".

You might not want to face this fact, but you choose to bring your baggage with you. Right now, you have to ask yourself what you're getting out of hauling it arond with you. Does it allow you to make excuses for behaviors? Does having "baggage" justify being with less than perfect men who'll mistreat you because you're not deserving of anyone or anything better?

And now you refuse to go out and frequent familiar haunts in your own neighborhood because you're scared to run into this idiot?????. Sweetheart, you're in prison and what's worse, you are your own warden. Not your ex, it's YOU

Women have got to realize that very often, WE empower men to abuse us. I'm NOT saying we ask for it...we never, ever deserve it, but very often, we don't do enough to deflect it and when it happens, we take it as if we deserve it. Why? I've been in verbally abusive relationships....it became a matter of role playing. Was he a real S.O.B for being abusive? Oh hell yeah, but was I being an idiot for staying and taking it? A resounding YES. People can only hurt us if we let them and when we women, finally wake up and realize that we DO NOT need to be in a relationship with a man to validate us, we will be better off. Love and get involved because we want to, NOT because we feel we have to. That need for the sense of being "complete" with someone else in our lives in ridiculous. I HATE THAT DAMN "JERRY MAGUIRE" MOVIE BECAUSE OF THAT IDIOTIC, OVER-ROMANTICIZED PHRASE!!!!!!!! Fight co- dependency in all genders. It's an incredibly delibiating issue most of us have or had and invariably leads to remaining in bad relatinships. Because being in a bad relationship IS NOT better than being in no relationship.

Ultimately, we're all we really have. Please seek counseling. Take some time off from relatioinships and get to know YOU. I promise you, it'll be the best relationship you've ever had.

Missy K

Answer 2

This is going to sound harsh...but I mean no offence. Moving on is not as difficult as you are making it. The mind is an incredibly powerful thing, and you are not using yours. You are allowing it to dwell on the past, and you bring up your own memories.

The only way to move on is just that....move on. Stop thinking about the past. You are bound to go to places you've been before...but so what? Are you not capable of sitting in a restaurant with someone without dwelling on the last time you were there? If the answer is no, then you don't want to move on. You are CHOOSING to dwell on the past.

If you want to move on...do so. Stop talking about it, and making a big deal about it. MOVE ON!

Answer 3

I say don't sweat it. I say avoid places where your ex's may frequent. With only two bad ex's that hopefully isn't too many places.

I would also encourage you to "shoot a little higher" when looking for your next mister right. Don't settle for less just to have a companion. Wait on quality, then you won't have to avoid anywhere at anytime, because you'll feel wonderful and maybe a little proud. "Look ex's, I'm with Mr. Right and you should take notice of how a good man treats his significant other!!"

Answer 4

Just by living this way you're keeping the past alive. Time does heal things but in the meantime to rid yourself of dwelling, you must replace thoughts that you don't want there with thoughts you do. What's the best way to feel good?, Do something nice for someone else without expecting a reaction. Practice this and I guarantee that you'll not have enough time in your life to be entertaining thoughts that you don't want there.

Answer 5

isn't it time so which you would be able to stop being a moron and flow on consisting of your existence? Jesus reported to stay with the commandments of God in case you had to be saved from the hearth. i assume you basically opt to experience warmth? Jesus wasn't a guy on the line who grew to alter into standard, he became right into a prophet of god and he comprehensive miracles to instruct he became into telling the actuality. So now 2000 years laters no person recollects that there was once a guy from god asserting god does exist.

Answer 6

Move to a different area and start fresh.

Answer 7

If people who you literally fear running into are around every corner...you really might want to relocate.