It's major things to me that end up coming out in a huge fight. One thing he hid was that he smoked weed every once in a while. Another was that his ex-girlfriend sent him an e-mail. Am I wrong for getting upset over these "secrets"? I mean what else is he capable of hiding from me?
2007-02-23 08:36:42 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I guess he's afraid it would hurt you to discover he has no integrity and doesn't respect you.
Do you deserve to be respected?
2007-02-23 08:41:29 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know exactly how you feel. My husband has hidden things from me. You feel so betrayed. Why can't they just be honest. I feel if they were honest about it then it wouldn't be so bad but to hide it makes the trust go away. And of course it makes you think about what else they have hidden or what else they are hiding from you. No you are not wrong for getting upset over this cause I have gotten very upset when I found out things he was hiding. And I always get the I don't know why I did it answer. Just let him know that he can tell you, you may not like it but at least he's being honest about it cause if he keeps hiding things you are going to find out eventually.
2007-02-23 16:47:54 · answer #2 · answered by babieshay27 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You seem to have just proved his point. You are getting upset at what you find. Obviously he's chosen to be with you and not them.
In my (similar) case... Wife and I have an agreement. She trusts me and that's most important. She knows that I still keep contact but I don't tell so there's no insecurities.
The contact is more of a curiosity of how they turn out in hope that my influence helps them for the better.
2007-02-23 16:57:52 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course your right for being upset... Your HUMAN!! Obviously He's hiding things from you cause he knows what he's doing is wrong.. And you finding out makes it worse... Everyone does have secrets but if you don't want one to find out about your "secret" they would do a better job hiding it.... But if your finding out what his "secrets" are maybe he's trying to tell you something??
2007-02-23 17:07:18 · answer #4 · answered by onlyin2it2enjoy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are absolutely right to be upset. My ex husband lied about everything. He lied about whether he washed his hands. He lied about whether he bought a CD. He lied about what he was doing on the internet. And he lied about the many many girlfriends he had during the ten years we dated/were engaged/were married. And, he lied when he told me that he would stay with me, break off his affaide, and help me raise our baby, and work out his and our problems in therapy. Instead he left me for the other woman (who didn't beleive me when I told her that he not only cheated on me with her, but he cheated on both of us with another woman).
My point is that it may start small - but it will get bigger and bigger. It has to end now, or it will end up hurting you more in the future.
2007-02-23 17:06:11 · answer #5 · answered by sarcasticlady06 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He knows these things will upset you and you will get mad and he doen't want to be yelled at like a child. When you yell at your husband like that, you become his mother not his wife. Try not to get so mad when he does something you don't approve of. If you could calmly discuss these things ther would be no reason for him to keep them from you. He's never going to be honest with you if he has to suffer your wrath each time. My husband once told me, when I asked him a similar question about his friend telling his wife what he was doing and he replied, " it's easier to ask for forgiveness, that it is to ask for permission". That's how a lot of men feel.
2007-02-23 16:59:42 · answer #6 · answered by grdangel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has no right to decide what is best for you. More importantly he should not be doing these things or hiding them from you. Whats next? He is making excuses for his dishonesty. He could potentially hide anything from you. I would suggest counselling if you want to stay in the marriage.
2007-02-23 16:44:35 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
oh boy! i think you and i are connected. are we married to the same man? i've come to find out thats the way men are. men don't respond to "hearing" us they need to see and feel it. dont make a game of it but do unto others! i ask my husband if its no big deal then why did you feel the need to hide it. youre supposed to be a man act like one. ive learned a few tricks along the way, and hes learning i can be just like him!
2007-02-23 16:48:43 · answer #8 · answered by Lynne M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
respect his privacy!! he desrves it u dont trust hiom and did u ever?? as long as you dont suspect him of cheting let him be "private" make him believe u dont care and that u trust his judgement. show hin u r a confident woman who is not worried about another woman. now if u see phone calls and sudden meetings dont yell dont scream simply pack a bag and go to moms or whoever until u feel like he makes you feel like you can trust him dont warn him u are leavibg just do it!! when he sees your underwear draw empty he will see you mean business!! go back once he proves himself
2007-02-23 16:46:44 · answer #9 · answered by angelswife 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he wants to do what he wants to do and is sometimes ashamed of it, doesn't want the confrontation that comes with the truth. secrets in a relationship keep a couple apart, keeps them sort of disconnected. he feels u will just be judge mental towards him, and he seeks to avoid that, because he doesn't really want to change.
2007-02-24 08:56:26 · answer #10 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You right for getting angry because marriage is about trust and honesty. Without those ingredients, what's left?
2007-02-23 20:43:09 · answer #11 · answered by Special K 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋