how do I tackle low self esteem after divorce?

Question

I think I've recovered pretty well. It was a long marriage - 24 years and in 2 years I feel I'm in a good place, just not good enough. I want something else to happen in my life. Just don't know what... It can't go on like this for another 20 years. Please! Love my job, love my friends but they either have partners (age!) or young kids or different interests - I want to hike and she wants to shop or I want quiet drink, they want to go go clubbing cos they're 30 and I'm 48! And when a guy flirts I just run away terrified at the thought of intimacy with a new guy after years with same one. How do I find people with the same interests, same age?How do I find a new direction? It just feels like it might all be over. Should I get a cat?

Answer 1

seems to me if you like to hike then go hiking.The only other people around will be people who also like to hike.In order to meet some one who has the same interest as you, you must go and do those things you like to do, getting a cat is fine but you seem to want people company so go out and do the things you like to do and there will be people who like the same as you.

Answer 2

The best thing is to give yourself a little time after the divroce...don't look for another life mate for at least two years.....that doesn't mean you don't get a date or have some dating...just don't hop into marriage .....

Now the self esteem...women always have self esteem problems....you have to do something to generate good feelings...small accomplishments turn into larger ones and you self esteem grows in accordance to that.

Try and reinvent yourself....if you have a few extra lbs...then you might want to think about an extreme makeover,,,lipo-suction, breast augmentation or a lift...are some of the surgical cures....i have not seen any woman who had some sort of breast work done that isn't beaming from ear to ear....like a guy with his first new car..it's an uplifting experience (no pun intended...)

Try these and then look to the internet to find a friend...eventually you'll find happiness...just be patient and forget about the cat (unless he can pick winning lotto numbers)

good luck

Answer 3

Absolutely get yourself a pet, they help with everything. They are always there for you and never let you down, my dog has got me through the hardest of times, I love her as if she was my child. I think you should go to the places you want to go alone (if no one will go) it's a hard step but you sound like you are in the right direction anyway. Once you get to the places you want to go others will be there who have that same interest and you can make new friends and have the same interest. Plus if a guy shows interest don't jet, have a casual conversation it isn't a marriage purposal and it may be fun, if you want it to end after the chit chat, that's your call, you are in control

Answer 4

I know what you are going through. I was married for 22 years before my divorce. I moved and when back to school after the divorce, and now most everyone I know at my university and work are close to half my age! The thought of dating scared me to death as I hadn't done that since high school. I hate going to bars, and the internet thing just ain't working for me, although others I know have had success. Don't give up, and hold off on getting a cat.

Answer 5

Low self esteem is improved by making good decisions and choices for yourself. The internet is an excellent tool for researching clubs for people with similar interests. Cat's are great but are no substitute for enjoying life. There are lots of newly single people around, the trick is to locate them. Have fun and enjoy whatever you choose.

Answer 6

no, do not became the cat lady jet .OK
is OK you are still young ,and totally understand you be with an other person .
there is websites that help on that and you can make friends or clubs ,go to the gym ,embrace something that you really like or get a new hobby ,THERE IS NO OLD PEOPLE , IS ONLY OLD ROADS .remember that.
my mom used to tell me that ,because if you feel young in spirit is because you are ...I got hand it to you you are a nice person and still young ...remember you control your mind no the mind control you .
have fun OK ,life is short and beautiful ,make commitments to your self ,is someone out there for you , good things never come easy OK, but you can always help and try to find it .
Go girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 7

you have defiantly kept your sense of humor about this....maybe getting a cat is a good place to start. I think you could stand a date or two, you are more than in the right place to do that. Try church (if you attend) or a dating web site (I do not usually recommend this type of thing) but to at least get your feet wet in the dating scene. I have heard good things about eharmony.com, I am leery of these things, but who knows, it may be what you need. Try it and I wish you the best of luck, you certainly deserve some happiness. :)

Answer 8

get a cat and see a good therapist. This is all new territory for you
and you don't know the playing field. It's tough to be alone after all that time, and believe me 2 years is not a long time to still be searching,but I think that you are searching for yourself. When
you finally find the new you what a wonderful world it can be.

Answer 9

I have been through a divorce too. It does take time to recover. The best help that I can think of is Christian singles groups. They can be found every where. These people have fun and have the same issues that you do. They care about you too. God bless.

Answer 10

I went through low self esteem. I hate the Bars and I am scared of the Internet...of meeting some weirdo....and I have had a computer for 8 years..haaa. I just am afraid.

But...other people I know do it and are happy.
Go to those meetings at most Baptist churches...they are called
Divorce recovery... nice people there.
Good luck..