My wife and I have been married for twenty years. We are in our early fortys. Her sex drive is low and mine is on overdrive. What do I do?
2007-02-23 08:14:18 · 9 answers · asked by letmein20012001 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I will be honest with you and tell you that i have only been married for 2 years, but we have been together for almost 10 years. he has a much lower sex drive then i have, and i know that at times i feel sad and hurt often wondering why he doesn't want to be intimate with me, but I am not going to be like these other people and act like it is easy and that you just have to be creative and try dressing up because i am sure you have done that. I went on a few web sites, in hopes that other married couples would be able to help me. What i have found is that it is really up to you, you can't expect her to want sex, and it is not you, i think we just have to accept the fact that they love you deeply and that there reallyis nothing you can do after of course you express how it makes you feel and how much it hurts you. I even stated that i won;t be able to live like this and that this could lead to infidelity. but nothing worked. so i made it up in my mind that i loved him soooo much that i would rather be with him and have barely any sex at all, then to cheat, or be with anyone else, because it just isn't the same. I'm not saying it won't be hard. The main thing you should know is that you're not alone and don't bring it up alot and talk about it, because that makes it worse. Try to think about something else for now, and then if it becomes unbearable, you need to regroup your thoughts and feelings and make a decision.
2007-02-23 08:28:47 · answer #1 · answered by Lovely 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes, a low libido can come from medications, depression, changes in hormones, or poor diet.
She can go see a doctor about this. Some things to help increase libido are: she finds a hobby or passion that is very fulfilling to her, she changes her appearance (for herself) with new hairstyle or clothes, exercise helps a lot mentally, if she's depressed Wellbutrin (buproprion) really kicks it into overdrive, an over the counter supplement that helps is 5-HTP, and make sure you are very loving with her.
It could also be something as simple as a little change. Surprise her, and plan out a very romantic evening where your focus is all about pleasing her. Just start to think of little subtle changes you could make.
2007-02-23 08:29:10 · answer #2 · answered by Get it Together 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know... Sounds like a frustrating thing for both of you. I guess you could either look for other ways to connect and have fun with your wife (not everything has to revolve around sex), or find satisfaction on the side. Unfortunately, the person with the lower drive usually seems to "call the shots" when it comes to the frequency, so your situation is unlikely to change; the only thing that stands a chance of changing is how you handle it.
2007-02-23 08:48:39 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I congratulate you for being married 20 years. It is not uncommon for a woman to go through what you are describing.
If your marriage is that solid, than I would suggest sitting down with your wife, and tell her what you are feeling, and if she is willing to seek counseling, than I would suggest you take that step.
Remember the act of love making, NOT SEX, should be enjoyed by both partners. Maybe there is something she wants to do different. Like just cuddling. or just touching.
I was married for 33 years until I lost my wife to a car accident. She taught me how to share Love Making
2007-02-23 08:26:22 · answer #4 · answered by lariat_sonata 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am in the same baot as you are. My wife is so fridged that the only time the sun comes out is when she spreads her legs.
I am constently telling that if I don't start getting more action in the bedroom then I am going to go out and get some from someone and I don't care if she knows it.
If she says something about it, I tell her that I would not cheat on her if she would take care of things at home.
2007-02-23 11:48:38 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't base your intimacy on sex. Do things for her, that are pleasing to her first.
For instance......after a particularly hard day at the office, I got home to find the lights low, candles lit in the bathroom, a bubble bath of my favorite fragrance, soft romantic music playing, a book and drink on a stool beside the tub. Hubby undressed me, led me to the tub, helped me into it, and then told me that the next hour was all mine. He left, shutting the door behind him.
Another time, he gave me a massage using fragrant cream, massaging head to toe, front and back. It was therapeutic and loving and sensual, not sexual.
Those types of things show me how much he loves and cares for me. It makes me much more willing to share everything with him. Of course, my libido hit overdrive when I turned about 38, and shows no signs of slowing down.
Good luck to you.
2007-02-23 08:23:48 · answer #6 · answered by sassybree1979 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Spice it up. Talk to her. Most of the time men stop noticing very serious signs and ignore them because you are not in your twenties anymore to win her heart so your trying to satisfy her is now more less visible.
2007-02-23 08:19:10 · answer #7 · answered by BK thang 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Seek out SWAGE the support group for people in this situation...
2007-02-23 10:57:06 · answer #8 · answered by JRSK007 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
STILL overdrive?????DAMN!!!!!!!! OOPS sorry for swearing. BET she is going thru menopause in 1 way or another. READ up on it!!!
2007-02-23 08:20:43 · answer #9 · answered by rhonda_seiler 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋