Once my family found out my husband had an affair after only 4 months of marriage my family had some harsh words for him. So we moved away to get away from my family and to leave the affair behind. I have always been very close to my family. Now living 3 hours away with no friends here I feel alone. My husband has friends and family where we have moved b/c here he grew up here. When my family lived 15 minutes away my husband never wanted them to come over. But now that his family lives only 5 minutes away they ALWAYS come over and that hurts me). I have asked him if we could move back to my family in the next year or two but he will NOT even think about it. He said I can move back but he is not going to. I need help, I am really thinking about getting a divorce over this & moving back to my family. Help me please!
2007-02-23 08:02:43 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Extra info is that I have lived at my new home for 10 months now.
We also have two kids at 2 year old and a 1 month old.
2007-02-23 08:45:30 · update #1
I have asked my husband to move inbetween both of our families and he doesn't want to do that. I have also asked him to go talk to someone with me and he says it's a waste of money.
2007-02-23 09:07:20 · update #2
You will always have your family, they love you and will always want the very best for you.
why did your husband have an affair? only you know, think about it and you will have your answer. If he's had an affair now, what will he be doing in 5 years?
2007-02-23 08:06:42 · answer #1 · answered by looby 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Listen to the words your husband is using before you make your decision. It sounds like you got bamboozled. I would think that after an affair, your husbands' guilt would make him a bit more malleable to anything you wanted, just to keep you happy and in the relationship. But if he won't consider moving back then you have to ask yourself some pretty hard questions : 1. How was your husbands' relationship with your family to begin with?
2. Why did you live there in the first place?
3. Did you prevent your family from coming around to please him?
4. Were you happy in the beginning or did you just do everything you could to please him?
5. Is pleasing him now making you happy?
6. Does he still make you laugh and do you still feel good about the idea of spending the rest of your life with this person?
7. Do you put his needs first(above your family) and does he reciprocate?
If you can't answer positive to most of those questions, then its time to apply for a job closer to your family and pack those bags.
I wish you the best of luck!!
2007-02-23 08:20:19 · answer #2 · answered by Diane T 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, if you didn't leave him after the affair, and chose to stay with him, then he IS your family. Especilally if you agreed to move so both of you and his family could get over the affair.
He could just be very embarrassed and ashamed and in time will soften. Or not.
When you are married, you two become eachothers family and then the families you grew up with become the extended family. If you want more space from his family, you are entitled to it and he should respect that.
However, a man who cheats on his wife after only 4 months of marriage never really intended on being a true husband. Is he controlling in other ways too? Does he give any credit to any of your concerns? Or is it all about him? I think you might want to keep your eyes wide open, I bet he'll cheat again. With such a rough start, you might thinking of ending the marriage, especially if there are no kids involved! And do it BEFORE kids come along too.
2007-02-23 08:17:20 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well first of all a 3 hour drive? Boo hoo! It's ONLY a 3 hour drive - make the effort every couple of weeks. I used to live in a province that was a 3 hour drive in any direction for anything.
Secondly - Husband willing to divorce you for wanting to be closer to your family - RED FLAG!!!!
How much are you really sure this is the one for you - I doubt either one of you is the mate for the other. Sorry to say something knowing absolutely nothing about either of you but the reality is that soul mates make compromises and never use threats or intimidation to get their way.
Oh and then there is the small matter of the "affair" - go ahead girl and move back to your folks now.
2007-02-23 08:11:29 · answer #4 · answered by Lee 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
3 hours?? That’s nothing. If you can’t stand being *3 hours* away from Mommy and Daddy, then you’re not ready to be married.
The fact that you would divorce your husband just so you can be closer to your family says a lot. They mean more to you than he does. Again, you’re not ready to be married.
Basically what you're saying is that it’s okay if he's away from his family, but not okay if you’re away your family. That's a rather selfish attitude. So, once again, you're not ready to be married.
I’m not even going to touch on the cheating issue. If my hubby had cheated 4 months into the marriage, I would have left then…but you didn’t. You choose to stay. That was the decision that you made.
My advice, IF you want to remain married (and maybe you don't) then compromise. And that's something you need to learn how to do because it's a requirment for a successful marriage. So, tell hubby you want to move half-way between the two families, and point out that that will be fair to both of you.
2007-02-23 08:28:46 · answer #5 · answered by kp 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sorry I don't have a better answer ... but that is pretty much what caused my divorce ... I was from Cali and he was from NC ... huge difference ... when my husband told me " Over my dead body will I EVER live in California " ... that was the day I made up my mind ... the only thing you really need to sit and think about is what makes you happier .. your husband or your family ... the fact he had an affair would make my choice even easier ... I couldn't live without my family ... but it was the best choice I have ever made ... it sounds like he won't be changing anytime soon - his way or the highway ... good luck with whatever you choose ... !
2007-02-23 08:08:44 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are married and in the vows it says something about forsakeing all others and cleaving unto him. You belong with your husband. It is only 3 hours away so take the time to go visit sometimes. If you need to be so near to your family you probably should not have gotten married in the first place. You need to try and get along with his family. What he did in the past has nothing to do with what you will do in the present. Go get you some friends. Take a class to meet people or join a group at church or just go to the same stores at the same time to meet the same group of folk. You are responsible for your happiness, not your husband. You need to grow up girl you are a married woman that makes you part of your husbands family like it or not so you will make this as easy or as hard as you want it to be. Keep looking back and you will soon be alone. Get with the program, stop whining and go out and make you a better life.
2007-02-23 08:14:37 · answer #7 · answered by CindyLu 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I know this may sound like a cheap answer, but believe me, there is little that anyone here can say that will really help you. You and your husband need to sit down and have a talk, and that talk needs to happen in front of a marriage counselor. You need to open up the lines of communication and express your frustrations, and you need to do it with a mediator who can control the environment and allow both of you to express yourself. A good counselor will help you find decent strategies for dealing with your problems.
Ah, but how do you breech this subject with your spouse, you ask? Good question. You need to sit him down and explain what you just wrote here. The fact is that YOU are being punished for HIS infidelity, though you needn't tell him THAT. Tell him you are unhappy with the fact that you never get to see your family, though he sees his all the time. Tell him you that you want to go see a marriage counselor to discuss ways to work through this problem. If he refuses to go, then go without him. I promise you it will open your eyes and be a big help.
Good luck!
2007-02-23 08:10:04 · answer #8 · answered by Mr. Taco 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2015-01-29 18:36:48 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
why dont you give your self 6 months at the new home to see if you really like it 3hr isnt that far either but you need to be honest with your self and give your marriage a good try before you walk away why not try some counseling to help deal with your husbands infedelity and maybe some time away from your family and the harsh view of your husband will do you some good any way keep smiling
2007-02-23 08:35:37 · answer #10 · answered by dottydog 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Blimey!!! you have isolated yourself, your need your family around you. You clearly love him very much, but your vulnerable. He should of been a man about the situation and taken the insults on his chin. Your family love you and were looking out for you, besides he deserves all he probably got and sum! Its not easy dealing with someone whom you adore, finding pleasure with someone else, its soul destroying. If it were me,i would leave and move back to where my family and friends are, if your husband wants to make a go of married life with you, then he will eventually follow, putting your feelings first. You weren't the one who had the affair!!! Every time he goes out that door you will always be wondering. He has destroyed alot in both your lives. Think you deserve better. You cant help who you love eh!! Please get back to your family, you will make yourself very ill. Good luck to you.
2007-02-23 08:19:22 · answer #11 · answered by ambertottie 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋