Need advice from long term married couples about money issues?

Question

Little 'bout us: We've been together 4+ yrs not married but we are committed as if we are; my 5 kids (oldest in air force) ages 4-19 live with us in my house, his 3 kids ages 12-18 6th-12th grades not living with us. He makes 5 times more than I do. 2 mortgages=$633/mo, car $402/mo, boat $205/mo each purchased last year w understanding he'd make those payments if I got the loans for them (his credit score is under 350 + tax levy). I agreed to pay: All groceries, utilities, insurances for all our assets, I pay real estate tax as well, upkeep of house & vehicles which has cost me over $3,000 this year! Our basement has a water problem I have to pay to have fixed. I don't think the division of money is fair. I have to borrow money from my parents to make it each month while he blows $3-400 then complains he "has no money". I have to give him $ for his bowling cuz he runs out 3 days after payday! This is tearing us apart. How do you stay thru this, not give up? Were nitpckn every $1.

Clear up: $3,000 for down payment on house, another $2,700 to clean up our 1st flood in basemnt, we have another flood now, heating bill for Dec/Jan $545, Elect/water/sewage for same Dec/Jan $399, we get his kids 3 times a month, groceries for one month $500+, not incl. upkeep on cars/house. I pay for ALL 7 kids clothes, beds, sheets, pillows, blankets etc. So I do pay A LOT for making les than $11,000 yr. He makes over $53,000, he claims that his name isn't on our things so he don't care if they get paid. I wish they were in HIS name! But he can't get a loan for 2 cents with his finacial issues. Reason we can't get married too. (in our state spouse assumes 50% of EVERY thing, incl debt) He sometimes won't pay the bills he promised, so I have to pay them. My parents help me out cause of my kids. I want my man to take his role seriously fiancially. How is this done? How to explain the importance of this? Do ppl divorce over this?

Answer 1

I really don't understand couples who divide bills up. You're a couple. Shouldn't all the money be pooled together and used to pay whatever you all need? We've never had a problem like this because it's never been a "your" and "mine" situation. Everything is "ours" and that's the way it should be.

Answer 2

I have been married for 15 years and with my hubby for 17.And we have both had times in our marriage were one made more than the other.And the one that made more took up any slack.When you are married everything is supposed to be equall.But sometimes one person has to help out financially more than the other for the greater good of the family.If he was really committed to this relationship he wouldn't let you bear the brunt of the fincial responsibilty.Not to make any stap judgements here.But are you sure he isn't around just so you will support him.Let's face it here that is what you are doing.You stated you didn't think that the division of money in your relationship was far.I just have to know.Exactly what division are you talking about.It sounds like you pay everything and he blows his money on ????????.You need to put a stop to this all he is doing is using you.You know I could be wrong here but I am going to venture a guess and say he is the one holding out on the whole marriage thing.And he probably uses his tax levy has an excuse by telling you he doesn't want you to be burdened by his financial situation.I would be willing to bet the reason is so he doesn't have any financial obligation to you.Something else you need to do.If he is irresponsible enough to have let himself get such poor credit and a tax lein.You need to get a clue and not purchase anything in your name for him.If he can't pay his bills and get his act together than he doesn't deserve a new car,boat or anything else.What I would do if I were you.I would place all those things he coned you into buying and then never paid for up for sale.And while waiting for someone to by them take all the keys to them away.If he is going to act like a spoiled irresponsible child then treat him like one and don't let him have his toys if he isn't going to pay for them.

Answer 3

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Answer 4

It is unfortunately a big time cause of divorce, however it sounds to me that you want to work this out. One thing that you could do is see a financial councellor with him. Or you could get rid of some of the perks (ie. boat, extra vehicles ect...). If he doesn't care to pay the bills then he doesn't need the stuff.
That might teach him to help out a little more.
Money trouble is really hard on a relationship and most couples fight pretty bad about it at times. Try talking to him, show him what you are paying out compared to what he is paying. Good luck!

Answer 5

First of all, unless he is a fisherman, the boat seems a little extravagant if you are experiencing financial trouble.

If you are committed to staying with him, you both need to sit down and agree to a strict budget. You know your income and expenses. Assuming there is $x left over, you both need to agree that you can have a certain amount left per week for "play money". Once that is gone, then no more bowling, etc...

Assuming that he is a reasonable person, he will agree that the two of you can't keep borrowing money from your parents. What is more important is that he has to agree with whatever budget the two of you come up with. Just having it shoved in his face won't help.

Answer 6

If it works out better to divide things up equally instead for you then that 's what you need to do. It heps to sit down with a number of options in mind so he has an opportunity to pick or have a choice The more choices available the better his attitude will be about it. Make sure all choices have a reasonable answer for you both. Otherwise figure an amount and you both put your amount into a joint checking and pay bills with that account only. Make sure he understands that while you love him, you have a reponsibility first and foremost to provide for your kids . Live within your means.

Answer 7

You need to sit down and talk to him about setting up a budget. Add all the bills together plus a little more for emergencies. Each of you then agrees to deposit the same percentage of your income into a joint account. Anything left over is kept separate.

Answer 8

Honey... he sounds like more headache than he is worth.
However... if you want to go there... here we go. (I am includeing links to several good sites for this.)
1) SET UP A HOME BUDGET. In that budget set aside a "savings" for household & car repairs.
2) ESTABLISH who is responisble for what.... (I RECOMMEND--together, yall earn 66K. You earn 11k/66k. You are responsible for 17% of the income. He is responsible for 83% of the income. That means, you are responsible for 17% of the monthly expenses and he is responsible for 83% of them--to be "fair.")

3) SET UP ONE JOINT ACCOUNT FOR BILLS--have him AUTO deposit his share into this account. Have as many bills as possible autowithdrawn form here. DO NOT get "check" cards for this account. Pay all bills autodepo, online, or wiht checks. I repeat DO NOT GET CARDS.

4) maintain SEPERATE ACCOUNTS FOR SPENDING MONEY--In theory you will each have a proportional amount of money to spend on yourselves.

5) Sign a contract with him about the boat. If he misses 3 payments the boat gets sold... or whatever else. AND STICK TO IT. DO NOT extend him your credit again.

6) GET ALL OF THIS TOGETHER before you confront him about it. (Except maybe the boat... you may want to address that AFTER you address the rest.) Then, present him with copies of bills, reciepts, etc for all expenses.

Good luck.. maybe when he sees all the numbers and bills in front of him he will grow up...

Answer 9

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Answer 10

Money is the biggest issue in marital problems. Joint accounts or separte ones doesn't make a difference. Compromise and reasonable budget everyone can abide by is the key to getting along where money is concern.