My husband cringes and pulls away when I approach him. He backs away and disengages. I feel hurt and disappointed when he does this. Sometimes I just want a hug for a bad day at work.
He has an engineer's mind. He is very precise, methodical and non-feeling in his approach to life. Snap out of it....don't bring your work home....someone with my intelligence shouldn't be so needy.
...are some of his comments.
He showed slightly more affection when we dated...he would caution me that he didn't like displays of affection in public. He tolerates very little at home.
Does anyone else have this problem? Is there anyway to make him relax?
2007-02-23 07:45:18 · 8 answers · asked by taurine_banana 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First of all, you knew he was like this before you married him so why think he's going to change over a piece of paper???? Secondly, maybe try to talk to him in wourds he can understand. For example, Honey, I have a project that i really need you to consider. I want to measure our alternating current in terms of decreasing the atmospheric preasure in our household due to sensitivity of the emotional cycle. I understand that your autoranging is unsecure in public. However, I want to bus that emotion when we are here. I would like our circuits to reach a could junction. Basically, you are telling him in his language the you have a problem with his not wanting to be emotional with you and you understand the public thing however, you want to transport those feelings to where ya'll can come to a stable point of acceptance in your relationship. Sometimes this is the only way a man understands a women. If he is an "engineer" he should put the pieces together.
2007-02-23 08:14:00 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ahhhh...who knows? My father was very "old country" and scorned public displays of affection. I don't mind a kiss here or there in public but I've never been the arm-holding, hand-holding type either. Of course displays of affection at home are different and recently I've found that I needed a hug more often than not and it was like all my misery and depression melted away with that one hug. Toss sex into the mix and it felt as though the weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders. I also am not one of these people who likes to have someone cuddle up and snuggle up when I'm driving. I mean..Christ...I'm concentrating so please...no distractions.
However I don't know what to offer as advice. Except maybe just telling him "I need a hug" or "Just hold me...don't let go right away because I need you right now" may be just the way to handle it.
Being an engineer you can also ask him to build a bridge out of you. Sorry....an old Monty Python joke. But....the best of luck to you. He'll come around if he sees or feels you're serious enough.
2007-02-23 15:59:16 · answer #2 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband will never get touchy are show any affection, he has already showed when you were dating him that he doesn't show affection. No one can say you didn't know this before you married , did you think you would marry him and change him. You can never change anyone , that is where a lot of people like yourself marry and then you become unhappy because he want change. Forget it you either accept him the way he is or get out of your marriage and find a person that likes affection, he doesn't.
There are a lot of people brought up in a home that wasn't affection shown and he will remain the same. I've seen people marry a person that drinks and parties all the time and think I'll marry him and change him, forget it cause IT AIN'T gonna happen. He'll never change for you or anyone.
2007-02-23 16:02:13 · answer #3 · answered by Nicki 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to sit him down and discuss with him the other facts of life. The fact that we are not robots but humans and we need companionship and touch. The fact that you are intelligent does not mean that you don't feel stressed and exhausted. The fact that if this continues that you will try to find the emotional connection from some other man. Finally, the fact the if he still doesn't get this and for him to get used to being a very lonely person.
2007-02-23 15:52:34 · answer #4 · answered by Michael K 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
taurine,
If he wasn't giving you much of what you needed out of him at the beginning of the relationship, that should've sent a clear signal to you that things will not be getting any better.
Oh, and the 'engineer' thing...has nothing to do with how he 'is.' He could've turned out to be anything, professionally...and he still would not have much use for 'touchy feely.' I also do not think it's an issue with 'relaxation.'
There are no easy answers for you, I'm afraid...good luck.
2007-02-23 15:52:29 · answer #5 · answered by Wolfsburgh 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no, if he was that way when you dated, he didn't trick you into something, you made a mistake by thinking that he would change when you two got married. Maybe talk to him and showing and explaining to him why it is important to you to be hugged and loved. I wish you good luck, but I honestly don't believe he would change, it might have something to do with his childhood!
2007-02-23 15:51:27 · answer #6 · answered by wantstoknow 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
when you find out how to get him to loosen up let me know, my husband works in corrections, he deals with alot of bad people and it takes it's toll on him, you have to close off and not get personal with the inmates, so he is that way at home too. let me know what you find out thanks
2007-02-23 16:13:28 · answer #7 · answered by greeneyed_angel362002 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
does he know you need to feel him,tell him.. going into your marriage you knew this about him in regards to his lack of touching so it is not a surprise.
2007-02-23 15:50:46 · answer #8 · answered by MJ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋