How to forgive someone after they have cheated?

Question

He cheated on me and also got the girl pregnant. He saids it was only one time when he was drunk. I have been with this person for over five years we were engaged to be married and now i have no idea what to do. I truly feel that it was one night and i want to forgive him so we can move on but the question is where do i start?

Answer 1

Forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling. When you choose to forgive him, you are still going to have to deal with all the emotions you are experiencing having been betrayed.
When you feel those negative feelings welling up, you are going to have to make a conscience choice, to release them. You will have to often remind yourself, that you are choosing to forgive him, and take the consequences of his actions. You are going to have to remember what he did for a very long time, because his actions created a child, that is his, and not yours, and you are going to be the stepmom of your husbands mistresses baby. You are also going to have to deal with her, for the next 18 years, and she is going to have continued contact with him. This is a messy situation. Are you sure that this is the man you want to marry? Can you treat this child the way it deserves? This is not just about your feelings, this is about your life, and the life of an innocent child. You start by making a thorough and honest evaluation of the situation and of your own capasity to handle it. I would hate to see you put yourself through all this pain, because of your emotions for this man. If he cheated on you once, is it plausible that whatever weakness he has, will not again resurface? This other woman is going to be pulling at his heartstrings, and there will be nothing you can do to stop it. Is he that committed to you? I feel for you. Your are in a very painfull situation, caused by the man you trusted and love. I dont want to sound like everyone else; because it is possible that this could turn out ok for you, but the odds are against a happily ever after. I had a friend who was the other woman. I watched the sick games that were played. She bore his child, and he married the woman he was dating when he got my friend pregnant. When his wife and him were fighting, he would always run to my friend for sympathy and try to get her to sleep with him. She wouldn't, but she also wouldn't tell his wife, because she felt that she had done this to herself. This wife, had no idea. Now they have a child too, and when she was pregnant, he tried to get my friend to sleep with him! I just think men like this dont change, they just get better at lying.

Answer 2

Thats the first thing a guy says when he cheated, that he was drunk, I think you wasted 5 years to many, do you think he would forgive you if you cheated and got pregnant by a nother guy? no........he would drop you like a hot plate. now you will have to deal with the other girl and her drama, because you will always be wondering if he mess with her when he sees the baby, girl don't waste your time, yea, forgive the clown, but move on, life is to short for others drama.

Answer 3

The chances that the one time they slept together, she was ovulating, are kinda slim.. I would bet it wasn't the first time. another concern is that he probably didn't use protection (hence he got her pregnant). Get to a clinic and be checked immediately for STD's.

If he's cheating now, only after 5 years... don't you think if you marry him, he'll be doing it even more frequently?

Find someone else but if you're sincere in forgiving him, it will be much harder on you than on him, unfortunately that's how it works. He did the crime, but you're the one that will do the time of pain and self-doubt.

Answer 4

Being drunk is an excuse and not an explanation for his cheating and impregnating a woman. If she weren't pregnant, would you have found out?
If you can stand it, you have to find out for sure that this was the only time.
Please don't marry. He needs to drink less, act responsibly and show you he can be trusted.
Five years is not a waste if it has taught you what you deserve in a husband. Counseling will do you both good.

Answer 5

the hassle is a women human beings would forgive yet she not at all forgets for this reason she not at all truly forgives and with that a deterioration of the marriage and harm has been performed and particularly confusing to fix, and all marriages are in accordance to trust and verbal substitute once those are damaged all bets are off and it really is in effortless words a count number of time earlier divorce gadgets in one of those violation of trust is slap interior the face to the different party and subsequently is often non forgivable offense the consistent wondering if is he/she seeing someone leads to paranoia and consistent exams and balances, the different party senses this and both events are on area, divorce then turns right into a welcome relief truly once that takes position you should comprehend there have been blunders early on in a relationship and also you forgave them that became the first mistake which why it leads to dishonest cheaters continually have in them and continually show the behaviors lengthy earlier any lengthy time period commitments the problem is the different party frequently forgives the different for the themes and indications in hopes of securing a dedication, this why others ( outsiders ) are extra appropriate of recognizing a nasty individual than the insider because they don't look in search of the dedication and subsequently can decide someone extra appropriate. the problem is so common that many BF/ GF ultimately develop into marriages ( out of desperation ) at the same time as they not at all must have even been a BF/ GF to commence with a lot less married . divorce is a ought to mandatory correction to both events so both can restart and re evaluate what blunders they made in choosing a significant different and commit not at all to repeat such blunders

Answer 6

Don't marry him. This is a mess and no way to start out a new life with someone. If I were you I would not marry this guy even if it was a one time thing, he still did it. Now you have to deal with this child for 18 years. Is this something that you really want to do?

Answer 7

i forgave my husband for cheating... FIVE TIMES!!!! It will NOT stop. IF he cheats in you once he WILL Keep doing it. i have yet to have even a guy friend that if he could get away with cheating will not keep doing it. So it is not just me being bitter about my ex... even my guy buddys are the same way. DON"T go there... Get out while you can and let him step up and take care of the new family he has created with someone else.

Answer 8

Dont take the risk of getting hurt again. If he was willing to throw away five years, don't try to keep ANYTHING going unless he is willing to PROVE to you and actually SHOW YOU that he can be different. But from the way it sounds, I personally wouldnt try to hang onto him. Get out while you can, and let him handle taking care of the mess he's made by cheating on you (which was terribly wrong)......I never used to believe this when people told me, but its true- there is someone right out there for everybody. And if its not him, and things arent going the way they should, just remember that.

Answer 9

You know "Mike K" is right. I don't see your relationship on firm grounds. Trust is something that is built over time. Yes you should forgive him, but you have to understand moving on with him now means him still having contact with the one he cheated with seeing that she is carrying his child. Now how you handle this will be up to you & only. Seeing that you're not even married, as hard as it might be I'd cut ties and move on. there are men who won't cheat and will be loyal, honest and faithful to you.

Answer 10

I would question his trust because I would think he has done this more than once. He has been drunk more than once I'm sure so how do you know it only happened that one time? You need to be sure he is someone you could work things out with. You have an added piece to your relationship and that is the unborn child of this person he slept with. You really need to be sure this is what you want to do.