My family is rude and very unrespectful. My parents dislike my husband for his past, We had a lot of problems and not we are in the clear. Everything has been working out good. But last night WE were talking I told him somethings my mom and dad have said, ( not thinking ) and it really hurt his feelings that they think that way towards him. I normally dont tell him things like that to protect his feelings, but we were having a depp talk and it just came out. He isn't mad at me but very upset and his feelings are hurt. The thing is I can't make him feel any better because its my family saying things, I tried to talk to my dad and explain to him thatI no longer want to hear negative things about my husband and to keep it to himself.. My question is how can I make him feel better, I feel is my fault.
2007-02-23 07:26:36 · 33 answers · asked by ERICKSMAMA 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
well let's start at the beginning, the reasons your parents feel the way they do about your husband is because you have gone to them complaining about him and your marital issues and they, being your parents think he is not good enough for you; so it started with you running to your folks with the bad parts of your marriage, which you shouldn't have done; with that said, explain that to your husband, that they have based their opinions and feelings about him about things you told them when you were hurt or scared about your marriage issues. It is your fault; but you can make it better; talk to your parents, talk to your husband and get all the fences mended...bygones are bygones...you can all work it out and be happy with and for each other. And find a different confidante than your folks.....only tell them how great your husband is!
2007-02-23 07:34:21 · answer #1 · answered by abc 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, you can't really make him "feel better", but I assure you he will get over it eventually, and things will go back to normal. As an adult, he probably understands that not all people get along, and often others say stuff behind our backs - it's a fact of life. It is no doubt unpleasant to find out that someone has been saying negative things about you - especially if this someone is a part of the family. But after the initial shock, things have a way of working themselves out at the end. Being that you can't change what your parents think, perhaps you could keep it to yourself in the future, and he could grow a bit thicker skin.
2007-02-23 07:36:38 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You told him because you wanted him to know. You got what you wanted, now he knows. I think you've learned that honesty is not always the best policy. If you're family has issues with his behavior, they should tell him directly and keep you out of it from now on.
I would let your husband know that you are completely on his side. You should also be understanding if doesn't want to go to family functions or activities. As he is feeling like and outsider. Let this passover, a few months from now, maybe your family will see a different side to him and make a direct move to make him feel included in your family. Maybe they will be able to put things right. You can not.
2007-02-23 07:34:04 · answer #3 · answered by double0negitive 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Its not your fault you didn't do it to hurt him. The best thing to do is to let him know that you feel bad that your parents and others don't understand what a great guy he is. Let him know that no matter what you will be there for him and that it doesn't matter what others think of him especially when they don't want to give him a chance. Everyone has a past, but the more important think is have you learned from it and are heading in the right direction. If this is the case then you have to let your parents know that by insulting your husband they are also insulting you. If they cannot give him a chance to show that he is not the same guy from his past then you have to distance yourself from your parents until they are ready to change their attitudes.
2007-02-23 07:33:52 · answer #4 · answered by Michael K 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I don't know if there's a way you can make him feel better. Once something is said, you can't take it back. But learn from it. You shouldn't repeat hurtful things that are said by your family about your husband. Doing this will never have a positive effect, only negative.
2007-02-23 07:30:59 · answer #5 · answered by true blue 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This has happened to me before too. My husband has had the same job for five years, but my parents think that it is not good enough for me or my child. So, they say things about him a lot, like he is not a good provider.
The important thing is to let him know how you feel. Tell him that your parents feelings do not reflect your own. That is all you can do, unless you want to avoid your parents.
2007-02-23 07:32:02 · answer #6 · answered by Jen of Eve 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you are doing a good job. right now your family is looking out for you (thats their way of taking care of you) Just be extra careful what you say to him. since he is your spouse you might have the tendancy to say everything, esp. your feelings. Keep loving him unconditionally and your family will eventually see the good in him and how he has change. of course it is going to take time. :)
and its not ALL your fault. you family has to back off a litle and your husband has to let things go aswell.
2007-02-23 07:33:31 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have a family Reunion ensure your husband is present.Go out to dinner at your parents or invite them to your place and discuss it.Just love your husband honestly. Continue to be honest. The truth hurts but he will get over it. Respect your family and his and do not let anyone interfere in you guys relationship. Families bring you down the most sometimes. Especially if they desire what you have. If it is LOVE,it is even worst.
Good Luck and God's Guidance.
2007-02-23 07:35:02 · answer #8 · answered by shabin 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your family needs to realize things have changed for the better. If they can't respect he is your husband and look only at the positive you need to move on away from them. That would make your husband feel better. Put him first in your life not your family.
2007-02-23 07:30:27 · answer #9 · answered by Stefbear 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
the only thing that could help is time. he's not going to want to go near your family now because he's afraid the tension in the air will be so thick that you'll be able to cut it with a knife, and the fact that your husband is hurt because he has some sort of respect for you family. the only thing i could suggest is that you speak with your family and insist that they apologize to him. if they refuse, then it's up to you to step up and tell them that you will be cutting off all ties with them until they can fix this. you are the one that told your husband this, now it's up to you to fix it, and if it can't be fixed then at least live up to your responsibilities as his wife and stand by his side.
2007-02-23 07:36:26 · answer #10 · answered by lidakamo 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋