My husband is 24. He drunk last night 4 beers and 700ml rum (it usually comes in 30mls) the night before, he only had 2 ltrs of beer and a bottle of wine, but that was a work night. I am really worried about his health. When I spoke to him about it, he said he drinks to get drunk (I dont drink so he drinks alone) but drinks every night. I am 8 months pregnant, and need someone reliable and who can be a role model. He told me flat out that he was not going to stop, and when I asked him if his drinking was as important as me and the baby, he said 'you know where the door is' what do i do, I really do love him, but I dont want my baby to grow up with an alcoholic baby, like he did.
2007-02-23 07:19:56 · 42 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He will probably never change...I would do what is best for you and your baby and leave...If he is willing to get help or stop, then that is a different story, but it doesn't sound like he cares to...
2007-02-23 07:22:37 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would say get out now. Raising a baby on your own may be hard, but trying to raise a baby around an alcoholic could be ever harder. Besides, you never know when he might turn violent and try to hurt you or the baby. The fact that he basically showed you the door means he doesn't really care.
If you do leave and then he tries to win you back, you can make sobriety a condition. There's nothing that says you can't love him and even take him back if he cleans up, but at the same time, you owe it to you and your baby to be in a healthy and stable environment.
Furthermore, if you husband is an alcoholic (and it sounds like he is), nothing you can do will make him stop until he decides for himself that it's time to stop and get help.
2007-02-23 07:27:13 · answer #2 · answered by Justin H 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like your husband is only doing what he knows, and thats how to be an alcoholic. I recommend that you actually go towards the door and don't let it hit you on the way out. You do not deserve this type of treatment from your husband. Maybe if you are gone and busy taking care of the baby, he will realize what he has lost and think enough of himself to get the help he needs and become a better man.
Good luck to you.
2007-02-23 07:24:46 · answer #3 · answered by fourcolor4u2 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He sounds very immature about the whole thing. I know that alcoholics have to want to quit on their own. Forcing them to stop will only make matters worse.
If you can't count on him to be there for you and the baby, then use the door and leave. Stay with your parents, or see if he'll go get help. (together)
If you love him and he loves you, just tell him how you feel. Explain to him that you're worried, and that you don't want your baby to grow up with an alcoholic parent, as you say he did. Tell him your child will need his daddy in his right mind!!!
2007-02-23 07:27:44 · answer #4 · answered by Jasmine Lily 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can tell you it will NEVER get better. And you may love him, but you better love yourself and your baby more!
For anyone to say to you, "you know where the door is", that is totally unacceptable and you should NOT allow him to treat you with such disrespect.
I STRONGLY encourage you to start today and make a plan.... Make sure you have a strong support network for you and your baby. He's not interested in loving and respecting you, nor is he interested in being a good father and role model. He's already proven these things by his actions.
I'm sure you know deep in y our heart these things will not change and chances are the situation is far worse than you will admit to here. Just take care of yourself and your baby...Be smart!
I wish you well.
2007-02-23 07:34:10 · answer #5 · answered by favrd1 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What are you waiting for???
Leave him just NOW !!!
Evidently he doesnt love you or to the baby. Since he is saying that you know where the door is.....he doesnt care if you go.
Even, after some time alcoholic people become violent... he can hit you or to your baby.
If you dont think at you...........at least think about the baby.
It is better to live alone with your baby but safe, and not with that inmature guy that doesnt face his responsibilities.
Go before the birth, and if you are in good relations with your family, ask them for help.
I think you are so much young, so you'll need support for doing that
Good luck
2007-02-23 07:29:34 · answer #6 · answered by حلاَمبرا hallambra 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is in denial and he won't change until he WANTS to change. Do you love him so much that you would subject your child to that lifestyle? If you child grows up with that influence he will most likely be an alcoholic as well. I think at this point, you have to do what's best for the baby. And if he would blatantly choose alcohol over you and your child then obviously you and the baby are not that important to him. You deserve someone who really loves you and so does your baby.
In the meantime, attend some Al-Anon meetings...it's for families of alcoholics, to help you deal with their alcoholism and to realize that it's not your fault and there's nothing you can do until they want to do for theirself.
2007-02-23 07:27:00 · answer #7 · answered by Nasubi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is showing you who he is. If you do not like that and do not think he will be a good role model, you have to do something about it now. Things will not get any easier. You should suggest he go the alcoholics anonymous; marriage counseling; or figure out why he is drinking so much.
2007-02-23 07:24:26 · answer #8 · answered by HuniBuniBee 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wondering how long you've been married and how long you two knew each other before you married. Any losses in his life recently. . . person, job, money, sense of self . . . ?
Sounds like he is drinking to cover for fears, sense of losses or sadness in his life. Discover the REASON for the drinking...which is something he really has to do . . . and with that discovery of the REASON for drinking...the path can than be taken to end the drinking. I've never dealt with an alcoholic person that has been close in my life...yet that is what comes to mind when I read your question.
He has to come to these answers himself...yet you can help by guiding him to the persons who will help him discover those answers. I'm sure you are well aware of alcoholic treatment centers...contact them for guidance.
And, as far as your baby...keep yourself peaceful as much as you can...the baby needs that.
And...only you will know if as your husband says " you know where the door is "...hurtful moment to hear that and hard moment to decide what to do...Yet...you WILL know what to do. Be careful that you don't fall into the catagory of ' holding yourself emotional hostage '. You DO have choices and decisions to make...Surround yourself with those who will help you achieve your goal...in the case the ' goal ' is not living with a drunken husband and helping him stop drinking. You can't do it on your own...especially with a baby needing you...see out outside help. If your husband will not open himself to any help...Release yourself and your baby from his environment. Seek out help.
Strength to you and your husband.
.
2007-02-23 07:26:22 · answer #9 · answered by onelight 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he can't control his drinking he's not ready to be a father, husband, or anyone you can count on. You should also have your child protected through the court. Someone like that should not be allowed unsupervised visitation. It's not safe for the baby.
2007-02-23 07:41:47 · answer #10 · answered by NJT1313 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well he has to be the one to admit he has a problem in the mean time I want to suggest Al-anon, they will help you deal with your issues. remember these are his issues not yours. You will need to re-group and focus on you and the baby. Remember when he says hurtful things it is the alcohol talking not him. I am not making excuses for him but that is how it is. He may need a intervention and Al-anon will help you find out if you do. I work in this field and know for a fact you need to get a support group and get phone numbers and work on yourself.. the rest will fall in its place.. good luck sweety and I will say a prayer for you..
2007-02-23 07:28:00 · answer #11 · answered by sissybombay 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋