Why don't people mind their own business?

Question

Why are people so judgmental on a thing which is none of their business?

How do you tackle such people?

Answer 1

Hi Maddy, this is a question which people all around the world would like to have answered. Hopefully between all of us who respond we can get some real understanding of what is going on with this oh-so-human tendency. I know that everybody tends to butt into other's business and be judgemental to one degree or another, regardless of who they are and how well adjusted or emotionally stable they may be. Why is it that this is so easy to fall into doing? Why is it that every single individual on the face of this planet seems to think their way is best and with that solid belief comes a right to judge others and/or butt into other's business? Do most people understand how damaging and hurtfull this behavior is to those it is pointed towards? These questions and others like them have not been fully answered to any degree of satisfaction, at least in my humble opinion.

As I said, every single person tends to do this to one degree or another, unless perhaps it is Ghandi or Mother Teresa. How sad a commentary is that of human nature? Very sad. I am the first to admit that I have been guilty of this too. I am not proud to admitt such low and base impulses, but there you have it, I do it the same as any other, though contray to what some may wish to believe or tell themselves, just because so many others do this it does not make it Ok or acceptable or even excuse it. We all choose how we react and behave towards others. It is that simple and that complicated. Each time we make a judgement or butt into another's business it IS a choice. With that choice comes full responsibility for one's actions. We must understand how hurtfull this behavior is and try hard to stem our impulse to do so. I once thought I was one of the least judgemental people on the face of the planet, only to be shot down when I was forced to face reality. I too do this on nearly a daily basis.

Now, why would a person who is basically kind, nice, compassianate, understanding, with a high moral compass and high integrity be judgemental of other's and butt into their business? Plus, how can I lay claim to any of the above if I am indeed engaging in such base conduct? I read all of the responses before I began writing my post, and while more may have been added since then, I did find most to be of the belief that only those with low self esteem or lack of confidence are the ones who engage in such shamefull behavior. However, while it is true that those with such problems may tend to do this at a much higher level than those who do not suffer from a lack of self esteem or confidence It is not true they are the only ones engaging in such a manner. If each of us is totally honest we will face the fact that it is human nature at work here, and therefore not so simple as accusing only those lacking in emotional stability or self esteem and confidence who do this. If we all face how we respond to those inhabiting the world with us we will see we all engage in judgemental behavior and butt into other's business to one degree or another. So, if it is not just those suffering as mentioned above, but everyone who does this, what is at the root of this behavior and most of all how can we change our choices of reacting to those around us? Do we ever have a right to judge other's or butt into their business?

Well, first of all we all enjoy and feel most comfortable with those who are most like ourselves. We tend to think most highly of those who live up to our own individual belief systems, moralality, and ethical bases. We tend to feel uncomfortable with those who do not think the same as we do, live the same as we do, or want the same things we do, or have the same moral and ethical codes of belief. While it is politically correct to say we believe in diversity and that diversity enriches our enviroment, and expands our lives, in truth, diversity means accepting the very major differences of those around us and that is simply not comfortable or easily accomplished. Only the most emotionally stable and with the highest emotional IQs are capable of coming close to truly accepting mankind and all of the differences inherent around the globe. If we ever get to know entities from a different galaxy we will annihlate them if we have yet to learn to fully accept the differences in our own world first. This is sad but true none-the-less.

We all watch the news and harshly criticise and judge those who have been caught doing things many find abhorant and unethical. We also have a society in which white colar criminals often get longer and harsher sentences than murder's and rapist's. Why is that? I believe it is because we tend to believe that those who engage in the most horrific crimes are in some manner broken by a harsh childhood and depravation which has twisted their psychi in ways which caused them to not learn valid moral compasses or any ethical foundations, while white colar criminals are "of us" and therefore their crimes are less forgivable or understandable, nor do we tend to have a level of compassion and understanding we do with those we feel were unfairly twisted by lifes harshness during their most formative and vulnerable years; childhood. Childhood hurts are much more forgivable and tends towards compassion as we tend to want to believe if the person had not been treated to horribly he/she would never have committed the crime in the first place. It is much less forgivable to see a person we believe was given every opportunity in life but who then choose to throw this aside and commit a crime against humanity. So, we are much harsher on them than those who commit the most heinous crimes.

We also tend to judge others on our own moral upbringing and view those who think and live differently in harsh manners. We seem to make the mistake of believing that everyone should just simply KNOW right from wrong as WE see it. We tend to refuse to comprehend that just because a person was raised a certain way that their way of life is no more or less right or wrong that our own. We tend to harshly condeme those who live in countries which consider woman inferior. At the very least we think that is how they view their woman when in fact these men are honoring their woman by protecting them from the sight of other men who in their opinion will lust after them and thus bring insult to the woman. We fail to understand that these woman have power and prestige in their own right but it is simply a different manner than that which American, English, or Western cultures view honoring of women or their achieving prestige. In the Eastern culture a woman is of great value, it is just a different value than that which we place with our women. Most women of Middle Eastern desent do not feel less than their men folk and do not feel that they are granted less rights. However, we view their culture as backwards and morally wrong and we butt in in the most horrific manners possible in a misguided quest to bring "freedom and equality" to them. Most of these woman do not wish for our ideal of woman's rights or freedoms. They are content with their lives and feel honored by their men and have power in their own right within their homes and society. Are there inequalities in these countries? I am positive there are. However, the women of these countries, most of them in any case, do not want all of the moral curruption which goes along with our so called equality. Eastern cultures view our women as loose, amoral, and currupt. They view our easy acceptance of sexual conduct outside marriage as appalling and perverse; something they don't want around their daughters. So, who is right and who is wrong? Why nobody is right and nobody is wrong, at least in our choices of life styles and moral compasses. What IS wrong however is each cultures tendency to judge the other lacking or even evil. I could go on with more example of how we fall into such judgemental frames of mind and how easy it is to do so, but I believe you are an intelligent man who can easily grasp the idea here. lol

Now, I am sure you were not actually referring to such major cultural differences with your question, but rather more of why those in our own culture tends to be so judgemental and buttinskys. While the examples of the different cultures really helps define how easily people who are different can judge each other, it still lends itself to those who share mostly a very simular culture and land. One thing which sets us aside is our very diversity. The fact we have people who decended from so many different cultures makes us very diversified but also due to that very diversity we have ample opportunity to judge others. Add to this the very different socio-economical backgrounds, the very different areas and customs of our states, the vastness of this country and we have a true melting pot of narrow minded, judgemental, sharp tongued hypocrites'.

I say hypocrites' because most of us refuse to admit we judge others so quickly and so negitively. Most of us choose instead to lie to ourselves by choosing to believe we are "tolerant", "understanding", "openminded", ect, and "enjoy or even love" the vast diversity of our culture. We tell ourselves these lies due to how politically incorrect it has become to say anything else. Once we were more honest in how we viewed those around us who are different, who choose to live in ways we never would or in manners we simply refuse to condone or accept. Look at gay people for example. Many narrow minded people refuse to accept that these folks are born this way; instead choosing the belief they are making a "lifestyle" choice. By allowing themselves to believe that it is a "choice" to be gay or to not be gay they have a legitimate reason to judge them and even to butt into their lives in an effort to "save" them from the hell fires of the condemnation of God as they view God. Speaking of God, many individuals use Him as an excuse to judge others regardless of the fact God Himself has told us that the right to judge is His alone and we should never engage in such base and low behavior. However, many "God fearing" individuals use Him to excuse their own choices. We often look for excuses to judge and butt into others lives and feel sanctomonious in doing so.

At the work site those who do a job differntly than another doing the same job but with both getting that job done effectively, one or both will still judge the others efforts lacking or wrong and are happy to point out how their way is better. A person who washes dishes will tell another that doing the dishes a certain way will get the job done quicker or better and feel justified in sharing their own techniques. They tell themselves they are "helping" their coworker to do a better job and to do it quicker and more efficiently. They do this even though the other is performing the job as well as they are or maybe even better. This is just another example of how easy it is to fall into the habit (bad habit) of judging others in seemingly small and insignificant ways but which in fact are very hurtful and causes injuries as well as hindering good relationships with others in all areas of our lives.

Now we have discussed the hows and whys people tend to behave in such manners lets discuss how much of a choice this is or how little choice a person may have within this behavioral braket. First of all many people will justify their judgemental behaviors and tell others that they just can't help it and/or that they are actually doing somebody a favor or helping them out. This is just another attempt to avoid personal responsibility in my humble opinion Maddy. Some people will claim that due to the degree this is simply human nature excuses the behavior. Again, in my opinion this is another excuse and a flimsy one at that. If human nature is to be allowed as an excuse, then we could get away with murder, or at least we should be allowed to get away with murder. After all it is human nature to want what one does not have, to lust after another persons spouse, or money, or home, ect, and therefore it must be excusable if we kill the person who is cheating with our spouse, or even the cheating spouse themselves, or kill to gain what belongs to somebody else. Many people have much less than others and it is human nature to envy those who have the greater amount and often viewed as unfair for anyone to have such an abundance over what another has. If it is human nature to envy, then it is an excuse to envy too. It is human nature too to lie and cheat or minipulate others to get what we want. Just because it is human nature does not make it an OK thing to engage in. So, in my opinion just because it is human nature to feel a certain way it in no way minimizes the persons responsibility for the actions those feelings bring about.

I firmly believe we can control how we feel. Perhaps not right away or immediantly, but certainly with time and enough effort we can and should alter those emotions and we most definantly should NOT act upon them while we work to change them. I hear people often claim that what another did to them "caused" them to react with bitterness, viciousness, and bile which wound up poisening their own lives making themselves and all around them miserable. I firmly believe that while we are sinned against we have a personal responsibility towards ourself to alter our attitude and reactions to what occurred. I am just as human as the next and have a long way to go towards my full growth potential here in this life, but I have learned that it is my responsibility how I choose to react and respond to the hurts others inflict upon me and those I love and hold dear. While I have no real responsibility to forget what the person did or to continue to have any sort of relationship with those who hurt me, I do have the ability and responsibility to forgive them and to not try to harm them in return. I am a Christian, and with my personal religious choice, my God directs me to forgive others. I also believe that the forgiveness is really more for myself than for the person I am forgiving. Is it difficult to forgive? You bet it is. However, the rewards for doing so are great. I have the ability to choose wether or not I forgive and come to a place of healing, or to allow what happened to twist me into a bitter, angry, mean spirited individual incapable of finding happiness and who makes all around me as miserable as I am. Eventually nobody would wish to be around me and I would have created my own isolated and lonely existance. However, if I continued with the train of thought that I was a victem then I would continue to blame the perosn who harmed me for how my life wound up. This is an injustice towards myself and a cop out as well as an injustice towards the original harmer. The person guilty of the original hurt is NOT responsible for my choice in how I respond. By my not taking personal responsibility for my own emotions and choices in how I react to those emotions I am blaming somebody who has absolutely no impact on that outcome. In fact, it would be the best revenge, if I were into revenge, to be as happy and well adjusted as possible in response to the harm the person inflicted rather than allow the person to think for one moment she/he had more power over my life than in reality.

Now, It may seem I have gotten off track a bit with this responsibility stuff and all, but in reality it is right on the mark. We each have great personal responsibility in how we conduct ourselves and how we choose to feel and behave in all aspects of our lives. We owe ourselves more than to excuse our choices in life. We grow with each positive choice and gain so much of value. It is each individuals responsibility to work hard to deny human nature and to rise above it in our daily conduct of our lives. We choose every moment of every day how we will respond and react to what life brings us, regardless of how we may think it unfair or not.

This business of judging others is one of the more difficult works in learning how to be better people. Each time we consciencely choose to not react in a judgemental manner or to butt into anothers business we grow. Each time we do this we show an example to others of how to conduct oneself in life. If our moral or ethical choice is of value to a person and that person gains something good from it by choice, then we have served society well in addition to our own benifits.

So, now we know that judging others and butting in is a personal choice, one in which each individual is capable to one degree of another to avoid engaging in, how do we deal with those who are treating us to the wrong end of the stick so to speak? Well, it all ties in to all we have been discussing throughout this missive. Why, we ignore them is what we do. We avoid judging their judgment of us and we go about our life as though they were nats buzzing around our heads. They are annoying for sure but only have power if we allow them to. We do not have to spend a lot of time around these sorts of individuals. It is our choice how much if any time we do spend with them, except for the case we work closely with them. Work is the one enviroment in which we have little choice in how much contact we have with those who are the worst judgemenal and buttinsky's. If it is our boss it is even less within our power to avoid.

If it is a relation, or a frieind, or a parent, or our spouse, it is still within our choice wether or not we spend time with the person or even continue a dysfunctional relationship. Sure, family is the hardest, but it is not true that we HAVE to spend time with people just because they are related to us. We have a choice in who we make our family. Maybe not blood, but in our hearts and souls. Is this harsh? I don't think so. Our love may be real and deep, but we do NOT have to put up with questionable behavior and especially abusive behavior. We have a personal responsibility to thwart those who abuse us and treat us poorly. Being a relative is not a good enough excuse to continue to allow the person to so abuse us. We have choice and we have responsibility to care for ourselves. We have a duty to care for ourselves and a duty to teach our children proper bounderies.

With that said, how do we deal with a coworker or a boss who is judgemental or a buttinsky? We bite our tongue and do our jobs. We do our best to understand the person may be working on a much lower level than ourselves. We choose to deal with the person compassiantly and with pity even. We do not judge them in return.We practice patience and grow from the experiance. We learn how to keep our own tongue in check and in doing so we avoid them and do not antaginize the situation. People like this really want one of two things: They want to feel valuable, needed, helpfull, or they wish to cause harm. They are working from either a negitive force or desire or a positive one. Once we determine which it is it becomes easier to deal with. If it is positive it is much easier to forgive and be tolerant of the behavior. We show them by example how to NOT do what they are doing. If it is to inflict harm then we need to not engage as most want a reaction and the more reaction they get the more they will continue to inflict the behavior upon their "victem". If we do not respond they will eventually move on to another who will give them the response they crave.

Now, if the abuse gets out of hand we have to evaluate if we need to take it to somebody with the power to stop it. Nobody wants to be a snitch, but we have a responsibility to ourselves to take proper care of ourselves. If we don't, nobody else will that is for sure. So, in the most egregous cases it may need to be brought to the proper authority who can deal with it in the most effective manner. In our culture it is a civil matter to make the work place a hostile work enviroment and no employer wishes that to be made a case of. So, if need be that is what has to be done to stop such a high degree of abuse. The best action however is no action and no reaction. Just ignore the person and eventually s/he will go on to find a more effective "victem". Do we have a personal responsibility to stop the person from inflicting this on others? Well, that is up to each individual to determine for themselves. In cases such as this I don't think so. It is not like it is a child molestor or a murderer, ect. In cases such as this we need to allow each individual the opportunity to learn and grow from their own personal experiances. However, it is certainly not wrong to try to stop it if somebody feels strongly about it, either. It is an individual decison and there is no right or wrong choice, except if we are allowing ourselves to become the reverse judger and buttinsky. lol

Thanks for the question Maddy. I hope you had a great weekend and a wonderful week coming up. I will look for other questions coming from you as I so enjoy what you ask. Your questions really help jump start my brain cells, getting the thoughts all arranged to respond properly. lol

Answer 2

People are nosy by nature and think they are always entitled to an opinion.It was a trait the cavemen used effectively as a means of self-preservation,because they worked as a team they had to know about everything that went on around them and comment about it( I may be a great example of this at this moment,what saves me is that you asked). So ,to the dismay of many,nosiness has not been deleted from the Homo Sapiens sapiens's brain. So you should just ignore them,soon they will find someone else to bug. Only face those people or comments when they go too far.Remember It is a stubborn human habit to some, for others it is entertainment.

Answer 3

how do i tackle such people? hmm if someone judges me and doesnt know, me i personally let them have it, and make them feel bad, which they almost always do...and i make them regret ever sticking their nose in my business. you see that may seem mean, but i am not like that and i hate when people are...you know its like get to know someone before you prejudge, you might actually like them

Answer 4

Keep quiet, cause usually they will stick their own foot in their mouth. Then their true foolishness comes out which causes you to look like the smart one. Grin and bare it for in due season you shall reap, so to speak. Good luck.

Answer 5

People who are extremely judgemental and noisey are usually very insecure people whose lives are not all together. The best thing to do is ignore them, that would really piss them off.

Answer 6

Simply tell them " Mind your business this doesn't concern you ".

Answer 7

curiosity is sometimes natural, for instance, sometimes you can't help but try and overhear people talking. it just depends on peoples opinions on how they look at it.