My b/f cheated on me almost 2 years ago on May 3. Can anyone help me get over him cheating and move on in our relationship. We also have a child together and he's 2 months. I know it might sound dumb but we were still together after he cheated and then I got pregnant. Please don't judge me. I am a very sensitive person. I really love the dude though it's just that I can't get over him cheating. I keep thinking that he's going to do it again.
2007-02-23 06:42:26 · 18 answers · asked by lovemuffin 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
hes a loser
and you shoulnt get all upset over people like that
find someone who will treat you right.
2007-02-23 06:45:55 · answer #1 · answered by THAT GIRL 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Sweetie, it has been 2 years since he has cheated on you. When you found out, did you have to do an undercover investigation or did he confess? And when he confessed, did the two of you try to work things out? And how are things now?
It has been 2 years since, and now you have a 2 month old child together. I'm not judging you, so please don't feel that I am.
My only concern is that you have a child with him, and the two of you are still together, and yet, you still have this concern. Do you talk with him about your fears? Your feelings are justified to some extent, but if he has shown himself to be truthful and worthy of your love, you have to let go.
I'm still picking up the pieces from my marriage. My husband cheated on me for almost four months last year, and still, it hurts. And to be honest, it will always hurt. There will always be that mistrust and fear about "what if" and "is he??" And there will come some days when you agonize over it, wondering if you had done something different, will it have still happened.
I can only say that it takes time, and now that you two have a child together, you need to think more along the lines of the fact that you two are together still, and have a child together. Having a child is a big step, and I do hope that the two of you are able to work on trust issues.
Sometimes seeing a counselor helps put things in perspective. Even seeing one for yourself for you to "get past" the hurt may be necessary, and who knows, seeing couples therapists are not necessarily that bad either. They can really help......Good luck.
2007-02-23 12:23:48 · answer #2 · answered by Eve 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, there isn't much YOU can do...he has cheated, therefore...it's up to HIM to earn that trust back. Even though he has been forgiven it doesn't mean you have to forget about it. If you were trying to hold a grudge or throwing it in his face it would be different, that doesn't seem to be the issue here.
You need to evaluate your relationship a lot more. Ask yourself...has he changed at all? What about him still doesn't give off the "you can trust me" vibe? Has he done anything to redeem himself and show he is in it for the long haul? Maybe you would feel better if you confronted him about your feelings, and ask (NOT ACCUSE) him about where he stands, how he feels about you two since he has cheated and what kind of future he thinks you might have together. If he is making plans, has sincerely grown up, then it may help to ease your worries and move focus from past to present and future.
If that doesn't do it for you, then you may have serious trust issues and they may not heal...especially if you remain together. I know you have a child with this man, but there is a difference between him being responsible for a child and being committed to you. He can be one without the other. So can you.
2007-02-23 07:11:57 · answer #3 · answered by Melis~ 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You say this happened 2 years ago yet you are still thinking about this, the question is now has he given you any reason to believe that he is still cheating on you, has he proved to you that he has changed, and is he working on being with you and your son??? If you look at the last 2 years and look at his behavior, your feelings (do you trust him, do you love him, and do you want to be with him) this will help you make your decision. I really think that people can change its up to you though to allow him to change because if you keep accusing him, he will go and cheat on you and/or leave you for someone else. But you really need to talk to him and make a decision.
2007-02-23 06:51:53 · answer #4 · answered by Ms. Q 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I hate to tell you this but if he did it once he will do it again. I was in your shoes a few years ago. My husband cheated on me with my best friend. After a while we tried to get back together but I couldn't get it out of my mind. Ever time he would leave the house I would wonder where he was going and what he was doing or who he was with. I am better off now that we are not together. I am sorry for your pain, but I think you should move on.
2007-02-23 06:53:10 · answer #5 · answered by irishlady 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You have a right to not trust him completely, he has to understand that he messed up and has to suffer the consequences. He should be happy that you didn't leave him. If you want to try to get passed the cheating I suggest trying couples counseling. He has to be patient, in time you may trust him again but there really is nothing wrong with being distrustful after he cheated on you. Take all the time you need to feel comfortable with him again, don't let anyone pressure you.
2007-02-23 06:53:15 · answer #6 · answered by sweetbabyart212 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You know, it typically takes about 2-4 years to get over an affair (even though ur not married, I'll still call it an affair) You can't get over it yourself, he's got to help you out. Go to www.marriageadvice.com I've spent ALOT of time there and believe it or not, it saved my marriage... basically, he lost your trust and it's up to him to gain it back and the first step to moving on is to forgive him and yourself because deep down on some level, you do blame yourself for him cheating... maybe you did something, maybe not, it's still no excuse for him straying... seriously though, check out that website...
2007-02-23 07:14:58 · answer #7 · answered by GoingCRAZYoverThis 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Without judging, you should realize that since you are not married that is not considered "infidelity". But that's the good news. You see, you are making this a lot worse than it really is. You created this pain in your own mind. Stop making this all about you and your feelings. Just learn from your mistakes. And focus that energy on your child.
2007-02-23 06:48:29 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Number one, you should talk to him. He is not a mind reader, and neither are you. However, when you do talk, do not use the past as a weapon to throw in his face. If you really want to move on and he is the one, then you have to forgive him. He has to know this. As far as you thinking he is going to do it again, that is part of forgiveness. Be positive and think positive. The world you live in is a result of how you think. Good luck.
2007-02-23 07:03:39 · answer #9 · answered by B The Change 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Did you think about maybe not having a baby with this man until you had worked through your issues? This isn't the way most people improve an already spotty relationship.
I hesitate to say this, but perhaps you had a little too much Colt 45. Bad idea, but mmm. Smooth.
2007-02-23 06:46:37 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Did you talk the parameters of your relationship once you became extreme with him? if so, this habit is quite disrespectful to you. If he cheated and regretted it, and also you worked by it, it might want to be one ingredient, yet dozens of human beings? That appears going too a lengthy way. i know six years is a lengthy time period, yet i might want to discover somebody else who needs a similar ingredient you do.
2016-10-17 08:43:31 · answer #11 · answered by konen 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋