this is really not a question but more of a healing for me and others
my wife had an affair about 4 months ago we were having problems you know fighting limited sex just mean to each other she was on the internet and found an old friend not boy friend just friend she told him of our fighting mistake 1 and he made his move i guess he always had a crush on her he made her feel good when i was not one thing led to another and they hooked up after about 2 months of chating.After she did the deed she did tel me she was leaving but never mentioned him but i did find out later she told me it was because she was leaving and wanted to spare me the pain I had a hard time with it at 1st i guess because i realized how much i love my wife and i fought for her she came around and broke down about how bad she messed up our life and was sorry and wanted to come back and i took her back and i think i made the right choice im not saying im perfect but i never did anything like that
2007-02-23 06:30:26 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
you sound like a nice person and very forgiving. i don't think that her affair was a reflection on you but more about how insecure she was feeling at the time. give her a second chance and if she does it again ditch the b**ch
2007-02-23 06:41:06 · answer #1 · answered by missnicedell 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you took her back, then you have the obligation to forgive her and do your best to be a better husband. Not that the decision to cheat wasn't hers, but you two really need some counseling. If you two are going to start anew, then the past must be the past. You can't move on if you are unwilling to accept your part in the demise of the marriage.
My brother's first marriage ended because (as he tells me) it was more important for him to be right than for the two of them to be happy. Now, happily remarried, he has learned that marriage is not a scorecard event, it is a journey shared and being right is no longer the important thing. Perhaps you can learn from his mistake.
And, BTW, "She" did not mess up your life -- You "Both" messed up your life by not being kind to the person you promised to love in good times and bad. Welcome to a bad time, my friend. But don't let it follow you. Let go of the resentment, don't even begin to feel 'superior' because all you did was behave really mean to your wife -- this is nothing to feel superior about. You can't say, "Your side of the boat is sinking . . . " Either you both need to fix the boat, or you will both drown.
2007-02-23 06:48:39 · answer #2 · answered by drg20202004 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really hope things work out for you two.. really. I'm glad she's back and yes, I've seen this before with other couples and yes things did work out and lasted very long. in fact they are still together after 20 yrs after the fling(hers)...try and put it in the past and work on the here and now... it takes two so don't just count on her to try and make up for the rest of your life. do things together and make sure she doesn't talk with him anymore. she has to give up some things also .... no more talking in chat rooms or looking for old friends(male friends) on line.. set some rules for both of you to follow.... plan some fun weekends for you both... got out with other couples that are doing well.... good luck, i hope all goes well for you and yours
2007-02-23 06:42:05 · answer #3 · answered by Hi its me again 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you think you did the right thing for yourself then it was a good decision, but know that you took her back the worst thing for you to do is to bring it up, because once you start playing it over and over in your head about the fact that she cheated you are gonna make it even harder to trust her and then you would end up right back where you started, so let the healing begin, i know it will take time to trust her like you did before or you may never trust her like you did before but it has to start somewhere,good luck
2007-02-23 06:38:42 · answer #4 · answered by Vick'e 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the good thing is you both came to the realization of wrong doing. the next step is counseling and communication. when she speaks listen and when you speak have her listen. even the stupidest questions might be very important to her just as your silly request of little favors. be good to one another. many wish they could have a second chance and live with daily regrets. so, the best of luck to both of you.
2007-02-23 06:41:00 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't matter now. If you forgive her it's done. And the MOST IMPORTANT THING is to figure out how to stop running each other into the ground. You can't have a family and do this to each other.
2007-02-23 06:37:19 · answer #6 · answered by Your Uncle Dodge! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You left out some key information that we need to help you sort this out. Was the other man better in bed than you are? Was he bigger and did she feel him in places you could not reach? Does she still think of how she needs him.
2007-02-23 06:55:57 · answer #7 · answered by Mark S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if you can forgive her that is great just put the past behind you and try to be better and she should really be greatful that you took her back most men wouldn't like most women wouldn't..
2007-02-23 06:37:59 · answer #8 · answered by Mary O 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good luck with your marriage. I hope everything works out for you guys.
2007-02-23 06:45:43 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. You will be better off without her in the long run...you will find someone else and move on. Good luck:)
2007-02-23 06:33:50 · answer #10 · answered by Li 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋