Has anyone noticed this about black women? Why is there no middle ground?

Question

I am aware that an argument from ignorance is inherently fallacious. Even so, I must comment on my observation that black women in America tend to be one extreme or another.

But all the ones I've ever met are either really standoffish, bitchy and unfriendly, or EXTREMELY sweet, kind, tolerant, open-minded, joyful and smiley. I've never met a black woman who is just "meh".

I wonder if it's just a coincidence that I see this, if it has something to do with black history in the U.S. or if it has something to do with the way certain black women treat ME because *I* am white.

Why am I the only man on the face of the planet who is supposed to stop flirting?
And what does it have to do with this extremeness, either? I just got done saying how at least half of them are just way too sweet for words to describe!

Answer 1

Hi, a lot of the time I feel kind of underestimated like I have something to prove. Some of that might be due to stereotypes of black women (kind of like the topic of this discussion) and how black women are traditionally thought of and subsequently treated (believe it or not, black women are not all the same!).

So I tend to be on the defensive (or offensive in extreme cases) at first until I feel like I've gain some measure of respect or that the person I'm dealing with means no harm. After that, I'm the sweetest person you'll ever meet. It depends on how I'm approached by other people and the vibe I pick up.

On the other hand, if you're capable of believing something about an entire demographic you're probably just seeing what you want to see. My boyfriend is white. In the two years I've been dating him I've come to realize that some of my actions are based on stereotypes of my own.

Answer 2

I am white, and I have a preference for dating Black women. I usually get good responses from the women I talk to, and find the majority of them to be friendly.

It just depends on the woman, and I guess some Black women will be cautious with white men.

Black women should realize that there are lots of white men out there who want to date them.

Answer 3

???Who knows??? I think I'm moderate. I am EXTREMELY sweet, kind, tolerant, open-minded, joyful and smiley...but if you cross me I can put you back in place lol. I don't do it in a ignorant ghetto way though, just assertive, forward, blunt...

That being said, I think it has a lot to do with the role of black women historically speaking. Whether people want to admit it or not, cultural behavior is very hard to break and is passed generation to generation. For at least the first half of the 20th century and prior, the black woman's role in society was a domestic mammy, maid, caregiver etc. Virtually seen as asexual. Think Aunt Jemima, Sissy, and Mamie stereotypes. A black woman's job was to "take car de missus chiluns" run a white household and "tell it like it is," *rolls neck* Furthermore the extreme stress within black families led to a breakdown in black family structures. Black fathers were treated like children in the white world ("boy") and totally emasculated and humiliated at the hands of a racist white male society. The breaking of the black man's spirit as a man, human, family leader on top of the black woman's expectation to control...led to combative marriages. Imagine being a man and being treated like a child on a daily basis outside of the home. "yessuh mista, no suh mista, rat away suh," And having to come home and exert your authority as the man of the house. You will likely either go overboard with a power trip or totally retreat with a lack of esteem. The breakdown of the family structure eventually leads to emotionally or physically absent fathers and the black woman having to take control for the sake of her children. She is after all used to running a household, so she becomes a dominant force much like a father would. That combined with the high rate of single mother households headed by black women gives you a very assertive dominant woman. This dominance is what is passed on from generation to generation of black women. We are taught to be assertive and independent. My mom for example is a single woman with 2 masters degrees, 5 homes, and she has never been married. She always told me growing up, "Don't wait for a man to do anything for you. If you want it you have to go get it yourself." I am a nice person, but I am also a very independent and assertive person. I think white girls on the other hand, grow up with the idea of a prince charming or knight in shining armor who will come and sweep them up. They are taught to be more passive, sugar and spice and everything nice. Prince charming is for snow white, a prince charming and a knight in shining armor will never come for Janeka or Latasia.

Answer 4

We aren't sure of you.

I saw your picture a couple of questions ago.
I thought, he looks nice. :-)

Then I opened this question, saw your picture
and thought " Oh No ". Then I read what you had
to say, and saw some truth to it.

I think GOD gave Black Woman a " UH OH " sense.
We were never sure of what a White man was going
to say, or do to us. They have been cruel.
White Women we can handle.

When the song came out, " I Love Big But*s and I
Can Not Lie " things changed and White Men noticed
Black Women have them, ( Bo*bs to ) and some want
to approach us. I'll dance with them, but when they've
ask for my number I said no. I never thought they meant
it.
What you've written has helped me change my mind
for the next time I'm asked.
But what does "meh" mean?

Answer 5

stop flirting with them and maybe they wont be so extreme

Answer 6

JUST FOR THIS, I WILL BE BYTCH SLAPPING AN INNOCENT, UNSUSPECTING WHITE PERSON TONIGHT. GRRRRRRR!