Pregnant and Homeless! What to do?

Question

I am 10 weeks pregnant and my boyfriend of 4 1/2 years has kicked me out and changed his locks as I have been crying too much and he says he cant get to work. This was due to him being quite nasty to me and telling me to abort our child even though we've always talked about having kids and he has a child from a previous relationship
I have been living wih him for the past 2 years and I am from the caribbean. I have been a student here in london since then and I have just enrolled on a postgraduate course. The arrangement was that he would get a loan for me for the tuition and I would of course repay it monthly through working part time. He has refused to do that since he says I'll be pregnant and wont be able to work...ok.
Anyway it got to the point where he has kicked me out and I am crashing with a friend but I cant stay here forever. I cant afford rent right now due to the arrangement with uni I have to pay £1350 every month for 7 months to study. what can I do? any advice?

Thank you everyone for responding. I have gotten some very good advice so far. Just to add that I AM working part-time as I take that very seriously and I believe in taking care of myself. The big problem is that i have a hefty bill to pay every month for studying and that is before even thinking of food or travelling....and of course rent. I am always so stressed out from school and rushing off to work and having my morning sickness every hour of the day! I just feel like its the end of the road sometimes as I am not close to my mom and never had a relationship with my dad.

Answer 1

I don't know who you are but I will pray for you. Your story is very sad. But I respect you because you are not considering abortion as an option! I am in the united states. Is there some kind of shelter or home for unwed mothers? There is in the US. Get on line and see if you can find one in your area. They may be able to help you with social services and shelter after the baby is born. The guy is a loser. You may look into the law there to see if there is any legal way to make him help you financially while you are pregnant.I don't know if you are planning to keep your baby or you are going to give it up? I know after the baby is born there must be a legal way to make him pay child support and this should help. Don't panic, think of all your options and have a healthy baby! God bless you and you will be in my prayers!

Answer 2

You are in a really tough situation and I do sympathise with you..

To be honest it is very unlikely you will be able to take on the course this year with a new born baby arriving at the same time... can you talk to the uni about maybe deferring for a year or two... at least then the baby will be a bit older and able to cope with the uni's nursery a bit better. I really can't see how you are going to be able to pay that amount of money each month.... I couldn't do it on a part-time job now, let alone if I was caring for a newborn at the same time!! Minimum wage, full time jobs don't even pay that much a month!

I am afraid that reality places you in a dilemma between your child and your course..

I wouldn't go back to the boyfriend, especially if he has already been nasty to you... he may try and buy you back with the offer to pay your way through uni but you will need to rely on him completely and that is never good for a relationship.. especially if a child is involved, and anyone who is capable of throwing a pregnant lady out on the streets does not deserve to bring up that child.

Have you got a woman's refuge nearby? This may be a good place to start as they have counsellors who can guide you to the next step... if not maybe a trip home to you parents (if they are around) for a month or so could be good, as it is nice just to feel that you have a bit of support and unconditional love around you. This could give you the time to figure out what to do.

I really hope it works out for you :) Good luck

Answer 3

Unfortunately, I do not know much about London. May I ask, why can't you work? Unless, the doctor says otherwise it is okay to work until close to 8 months pregnant. You will need to check and see if they have housing based on your income. What about your family? If you are close then maybe you could live with them, but it would still be imperative to work. Though I have the luxury to stay at home for my child, I still am working until 7-8 months pregnant and will be a stay at home mom because my hubby and I have decided that's what we want. Or see about housing until you can put the baby up for adoption since you do not want to abort. If you can't fine a home ask yourself if you want your child to be in that situation. I am not telling you what to do. Do they have a financial assistance program there? Some places offer financial assistance. As I am unfamiliar with Londons services for these sort of things, the best thing to do would be to contact social services or the department of health services. There has to be someplace. Also, make sure you get that sorry excuse for a father and get child support from him. Sorry, you are in such a pickle.

Answer 4

I agree with erindroz... make one of those 3 decisions. I think the first is the best. Move home and finish your schooling there after you have the baby. There are plenty of programs to help you get finished with school after you had the baby. You need to start thinking about the child first now. The father is obviously not interested in keeping the child so you need to get away from London with in reach of him before he tries to hurt you or your child. When you get home get a job and work until you have the baby and make sure you get child support!!

Answer 5

what can i say to an already brave girl? i know how hard it is to have a baby and have no where to go. i know what people will tell you, and i know how cruel they can be. but i also know that you are strong enough to ask for help and that is your first step. if you do indeed decide to have this child you will need to realize that asking for help is never a sign of weakness. keeping this baby in your life is the first question you must ask yourself before moving forward, and if you can, then you MUST have all the love in the world for both of you to shelter from the hate of this world. i have no doubt that if you have love, you will find a way to have your own life, one that does not involve someone so heartless they would abandon a woman and her child in need. keep your head up and your faith in check, work your way through college and a career, and you will make it. if i can do it, anyone can.

Answer 6

I am so sorry for your situation. With my first I had a somewhat same experience. You may be able to get some kind of assistance through your local government or through your school even. There are a lot of resources out there for young single moms. Try your best to finish school because it will show your baby that you worked hard for it and made something of yourself, no matter what or who tried to stop you. JUst have faith and something good will happen, I am proof of that.

Answer 7

I worked up until my 39th week of pregnancy and I now have a 4 month old son and I have been back at work for 5 weeks...

Tell me again why you won't be able to work to support yourself?

Your man sounds like an a.s.s. I don't know about london...but here HE CAN"T THROUGH YOU OUT...that's your residence...if you have proof that that is where you live...he can't through you out on the street, he would have to give you some notice so that you can find another place to go...That is enforced by the sherrif.

Answer 8

Citizens advice is a good point of call to see if you are entitled to any government funding/housing etc. See a midwife who may be able to help you with temporary accomodation in the local area for pregnant mums.

Answer 9

Why Why Why do so many girls put themselves in this situation, yes your ex is a nasty peice of work to do that, but why get yourselve pregnant in the first place, have you ever heard of condoms you silly girl!!!

but seriously, go to your local council, they will house you, ok, it wont be a very nice place to start with but at least you will have a roof over your head and bear with it, eventually, the council will get you somewhere half decent

Answer 10

There are always options at this point...Im not exactly sure how things work in London, but I am sure they have similar programs.

My first suggestion to you would be to stop relying on you boyfriend. It doesn't sound like he is willing taking responsibility for his actions. I would continue on with things as if your boyfriend is going to have nothing to do with you and your child (seeing as that is how it sounds). If he decides to participate that is an added plus, but if you do not expect it you won't depend on him and you will be prepared whether he is a part of your future or not.

Secondly I would decide if you are truly prepared to care for a child. They are a lot more work than one could ever imagine, and if you continue to rely on you boyfriend you may not be prepared. If so, start seeing what kind of assistance London has for Pregnant women and mothers.

Here we have a Program called WIC (women, Infants and children). They help to provide the necessary nutritional foods you need during your pregnancy and they provide needed foods for your child up until five years I believe. I would see if you have this program or something similar.

We also Have Housing assistance such as housing in between for people who have quickly become homeless and need a place to stay at a reasonable cost until you can stand on your own feet again. There is section Eight housing that helps pay for a portion of you rent and LEAP that helps pay for a portion of your heat. We have a program called Project self sufficiency that helps house families that are trying to push through college. There is Habitat for humanity that helps build homes for low income families with a 0% interest. There is also United way that help with a number of issues. If you do not have any of these programs you can always look them up online and see if you can contact someone who can refer you to a like program in your area.

I would also recommend applying for Medicaid ASAP. This will come in handy OBGYN visits, Prenatal Vitamins, Delivery costs are outrageous!

They Also have a program called CCAP (Child Care Assistance Program) It might not seem like you will need this for sometime...But I would get on these things right away it all happens quicker then you would expect.

See if you are eligible for Student grants apply for Education loaned through FAFSA or something of that nature...You shouldn't have to repay your loans Until you graduate from school.

As far as work goes...I worked up until the day I delivered. I needed to save money for when I would be on maternity leave...As well as it kept me in shape, I think it helped my labor go along very smoothly.

I think I am clean out of ideas…I hope something within the body of this message can truly assist. Good Luck!