What can i do?

Question

I have gave my husband a limit of $100.00 a month to play online poker, But he spends like $500.00 a month we are comfortable with our income but i just feel that the money is being wasted, and when i confront him from taking it out of the bank all the time he gets angry with me i hate to feel like the nagger all the time but this is killing me any suggestions to making this stop with out him getting angry when i do confront him with the money missing in the bank.I feel like calling the bank and puting a stop to this and not letting the bank take the money out.

OK bills are all paid no problems giving my children what they need or want i just think its rediculous that hes blowing good hard money that way like i said i dont mind him playing $100.00 a month but when i see 500.00 aprox it blows me away

Answer 1

spell check is not working sorry

gambling is a major problem, it starts with 10 then 20 and so on and so on, for most it is not affordable and i have herd stories of people who have lost everything they have due to gambling, they win a hunderd and be excited, but dont relize they probaly spent 400.. to win it, to them they dont look at what they spend , its what they have won

my sister-in-law is going through the same thing in regards to online poker, like you they are able to enjoy a few good things in life and her husband is addicted to online poker, the same like you, 100. per month to play online poker, three years ago her husband won 600 , thats when things started to change, he spent the 600. the 100. back on on-line-poker,

the next month instead of sticking with the agreement, he would take 200. then it became 300, and a little more each and every month, my sister-in-law, became concerned, and like you , her husband became very angry ..

and then the excuses started, every month going over the bank and credit card statements became stressfull, she was always nervous to open up mail, knowing the converstaion again will lead into a agrument of what was being spent on the poker site, then the excuses started "its my money to", " i worked for it" "you have everything you need, what are you worried about" "we can afford it" became the same over and over every month, my sister-in-law , would always bring up the agreement they originally had for 100. she asked, she beg, and she pleaded, but there is no listening by her husband "we can afford it"

for fear of arguing, my sister-in-law, decided to give up, then he eventually started going on about 40 different sites, using up limit after limit, he owns his own business, and somedays, wont even go into work, response "thats what i pay others to do for me" her husband became a changed man.

with the very business they worked to become a success, and the fear of loosing everything, she decided to take matters in her own hands, as each month the amounts were getting higher and higher, and went to the bank and discussed the situation,

because the account was in both names, she required her husbands permission for any changes to the account required both signitures, so that did not help at all, but she was able to flag the account, so they could keep an eye and also put a withdraw limit, she opened an account under her name and put 100 in it and went home to confront her husband,

she was prepared for what was going to happen, she told him about the new limit , the flag she put on the account and the withsraw limit, she also had printed out gamblers anominous, reports from a online site and high lighted many points to him, he yelled and said "i can stop any time i want to" her reply," was fine then keep to the hundred -if you can stop when you want to, like you say you can" now he did hit the roof, and lets say slept on the couch for a week or two, but somehow it worked, when they talked again without the anger involved, she explained how it really upset her and he could not see, for the addiction he had, he denied he had an addiction at all, and the gamberler anoumanous report she showed , delt with people who could not afford gambling, and he could, but he agreed and promised he would keep to the original deal, and as per the bank he did, and she was very releived , and life went on as normal..or so she thought........BUT

he then went and opened his own account, and started withdrawing money from the business, personal expenses and such, at the end of the year when the financial year end report was completed and they were going over it with the accountant they learned he had spent 150,000. now he was lying and keeping secrets for his gambling habbits, even he did not relize it had amounted to that amount and had the account recheck

when they went home she was very upset, he told her he did that to keep her off his back ,and "what you dont' know wont hurt you" kinda thing, but even he was surprised and told her the accountant is wrong and she would see,

for then it did not become about the money, now it was lies, and secrets, she decided to tell her husband that he was to stop on line poker immediatly, not one dollar was allowed, and she asked him to think about them and their children and their life together, she took the kids and went and stayed with her brother for two weeks "vacation" during that time her husband went back to the accountant and he learned the figures was right,

that was a turning point, for him, he will even tell you today when it 100, or 500, you handle it, but when you see 150,000, its a different prospective ...and realy made him put his life in order.

she was lucky enough that he agreed to marriage counciling and little by little they got back what they once had in regards to their relationship, and he no longer gambles for money, they purchased a program and blocker that wont allow him in the site, if he should get the temptation, he also installed it , on all his computers, he learned he loved the game and the winning of the game and the money was not realy a neccessity, of playing poker it was the winning, and the satisfaction he got from it,

so they comprimised, and purchased a nice poker table and they took one room and turned into a poker theme room, he added a free to play vidio poker machine, tv poker game, and other tables, black jack and roulette, pool table, a bar, , they have once a month poker party, everyone starts with the same amount of chips and chooses their game, the loser with the lest chips, has to donate 50. to a charity and show a receipt by the next month poker game or you are not allowed to play, so everyone wins, they have about 20-30 friends that joined , they keep a score board up of games win and loss, and he gets a kick out of his name on the board, along with others,

now this is not the answer to gambling problems, his situation was not about the winning money, because he did not need the money, but the winning the game, it has been a year and six months since that day, and he now plays like decribed above for enjoyment and recreation, he now admits he was addicted, and im sure people out there will say ,"the set up of a poker room does not help his addiction , but for him and his situation it did,

so suggestions, contact gamblers anamonous for advise and help in regards to how to go about your own personal sistuation, everyone is different, except one thing in common, they are addicted to gambling,

the site i have sourced for you below, will be of great help to you and your personal situation, and i know you will find the answer you are looking for in the AADAC, the information you seek will be correct, and i hope that you are able to get you sistuation back in control again and i wish you the best of luck

Answer 2

have you ever heard of the control factor well its a part of domestic violence or ummm something like that-you are trying to do what is best for you and your family and he is neglecting that and all by waisting $ and saying you have no say so as far as going to the bank and not letting money come out i dont understand that but in my opinion is if playing poker and being friolous with money and not putting your familys security first he either needs help and ya'll really need to talk and if he comes at you out of anger again maybe talk to a doctor that deals with addicts or talk to a lawyer!!!

Answer 3

Sounds like he has a problem and things unfortunately can only get worse instead of better if you don't nip it in the bud right now. I'm afraid if you contact your bank it might cause more problems rather than help them. Ever thought about getting him some professional help?

Answer 4

How do you handle other disagreements about money? If you try the same path as for other disagreements and you can't resolve it, then I'd call this a gambling PROBLEM.... the kind he needs help for. Get advice from Gamblers Anonymous.

Answer 5

Get a separate account just for his gambling. Only have enough to cover what you think is appropriate to waste, this way he is not dipping into your household account.

Answer 6

If I were you I would take $500 out at the beginning of every month and put it in an account with only your name on it. If he can't get he can't waist it.

Answer 7

Gambling is an addiction ans it sounds like he needs help ,