Bullying in middle school, what do you do if your child is VICTUM, and school policy is to give in to bullies.

Question

My 12 yr old son is a victum of bullying and teasing in his school. He will finally push or shove back, and faces detention or suspension. He is a nice kid, A-B average grades, and so far likes school. The school policy is to go to someone in authority and tell them, before it gets to shoving, but just today, kids were teasing him, he took only so much and shoved them against the locker. The tape in the hall shows he WAS being harassed, and he and the BULLIES are in office detention, because school policiy is nothing physical. HE IS THE VICTUM here, in more ways than that. IF HE TELLS, he is harassed, if HE SHOVES, he is treated like the guilty party. How does a PARENT handle it with the child. His dad said "hit him" and show them not to mess with you. But then he could be in more trouble. I dont want to take him out of this school, he has lots of friends too.

Answer 1

A bully will only bully someone that doesn't fight back. That is a social fact.

Now, put your son in a martial arts class, it doesn't matter what art. There he will learn to defend himself physically, but more importantly it will do three things:
1) Give him a reputation for learning a martial art, and the bully will leave him alone - not wanting to be embarrassed
2) Teach your son the techniques of walking away from a fight / avoiding a physical situation FIRST AND FOREMOST
3) Teach your son additional discipline, which is always a good thing

Good luck to you.

Answer 2

My parents always told me that if someone was to throw a punch at me at school and I didn't swing back, I'd get another butt-whooping when I got home.
Schools today are horrible when it comes to bullies. I was the victim of a few bullies in my middle school years. I have never been confrontational and have never been in a fight (I've ALMOST been in a couple, but never actually been in one). I would always walk away from whoever was harrassing me, being the bigger person. Of course that led to more bullying: being called names because I was "scared" to fight. When it came time for high school, most of my bullies went to different schools. A few were at my school but there were so many different classes and people that no one really had time to bully anyone else. Just tell him not to worry about his bullies and to walk away when he's getting harrassed.
In my bullying days, my mom had an idea we never went through with (money difficulties at the time): go out and get your son a small tape recorder that he can fit easily into his pocket with out it being noticed. Discuss the situation with his teacher(s) so they won't punish him for having electronics in school. Make sure the tape has enough time on it to last an entire school day. Tell your son that when his bullies come up to him he should say their names, making sure they acknowledge him. When they begin their harrassment, their threats and names will be caught on tape. Take the tape to the principal of the school and let him/her hear it. If they do nothing, go to the school board. If the school board does nothing, take your son out of that school district. It will be better for him in the long run.

Answer 3

Don't be afraid to tell the principal exactly how things need to be. I had a similar situation with my step daughter last year. When my husband and I were discussing the incident with the principal and security guard, I told the prin that this is not the first time my kid had a problem with the other girl, and nothing had been done then either, except to suspend both for a day.

It came to the point where the principal in not so many words told us that our daughter needs to be in special ed the next year. At that point, I looked at my hubby and step-daughter, and said, "that's it, we're leaving." The Principal said we couldn't leave until we signed the suspension papers. I told her the ONLY papers we would be signing were for our lawyer's retention fee. And we walked out.

By the time the suspension was up 4 days later, that school was whistling a different tune. The next day, we pulled both of my step-daughter's OUT and began to homeschool them.

My point is that YOU have to stick up for your child and don't let them play any head games. If they don't give you the responses you need, then take matters into your own hands. Get the name, address of the bullies and their parents and file a private criminal comlaint at your magistrates office. Don't let it go coz it will only get worse.

Answer 4

A lot of parents are finding that telling the kids to fight the aggressors in cases like this turns out to be bad advice. I have heard of kids being kicked out of school for hitting their bullies. I have heard of parents being sued for damages in cases like these. I have even heard of the bully getting a restraining order against the victim and the bullied kid is forced to go to another school

Fighting is only playing the game that the bully wants played. It is not too hard to orchestrate a situation where if the victim fights back then the victim will be the one who gets into trouble. Besides, a lot of bullies travel in packs.

Sadly to say, getting a lawyer to help you discuss all of this with the school is probably your best bet. A lot of schools take a head in the sand approach to bullies. They refuse to do anything until something bad happens. Your son does need to keep a journal of everything that happens because of bullying. It needs to be detailed, like the date, what time of day, where it happened, who was there (bullying or not), and a description of everything that happened. Try to not put emotional stuff in the journal. That will distract what it is actually for, a record of events. This can be used by an attorney to show a pattern of bullying at the school.

In any case, I think that if talking to the school has failed, then you need to get an attorney to help you out. This does not mean that you are going to sue the school, it just means that you are going to get legal aid to get things done. Get an attorney's advice before you do anything.

Answer 5

Physical retaliation by your son is not the answer.

Use the proper channels. Complain to the Vice Principal and Principal. You need to use the legal buzzwords: The bullying is creating a hostile environment and interfering with your son's right to an education. The administration's failure to address this issue constitutes negligence and a breach of fiduciary duty to provide a safe environment for students under its care. If the bullying persists, you will complain to the school district superintendent, and if the bullying continues after the superintendent is notified, you will have no choice but to seek a legal remedy in a court of law.

Answer 6

I had to beat the crap out of the guy bullying me all through middle school. The school had suspended me multiple times for "fighting" with this kid, when in reality I had just walked away. I finally just had to fight him, and take the punishment.

Whatever happens, even if your child gets in trouble for fighting, support your son. My mother cussed out the schools principle for suspending me when I didn't ever start anything. Having support from somebody at home helps when you don't have it from anyone else.

Answer 7

This is by no means going to be a popular answer, but it worked for me. First I agree with his father but how I handled it was I first called the school & told them that since my daughter was taught no to take crap from anyone, she will hit back & the school will be responsible for all the blood. The same day I called the girls mother & said your daughters a bully, how about I bully you? Except we won't be on school grounds so we can bring weapons. I probably came off as a nut case but my daughter was never bullied again. My job was to keep her safe & although the girls were only 8 at the time I had every intention of beating the mother for every time her daughter upset mine. The girls did become friends, but her mother was still afraid of me.

Answer 8

I agree, go to your rep on the school board. And, ask if they cannot handle this situation or if you need to be at the school every day to do their job for them. The teachers need to be out in the hall during passing periods if they don't have officers in the school.

Answer 9

I had to sort it out myself. I got bullied for 7 years and I ended up turning round one day and beating hell out of the main bully even though he was much bigger than me just because I had had enough. Parents can't do anything, it will come back on the kid 10 times worse. I know from experience.

Answer 10

This may sound extreme but if you get no where with the school contact the local civil rights organization in your state. Get in touch with a non school advocate agency, call an attorney who specializes in educational issues.