My husband told me that he was going hunting and didn't return until 6:30 in the MORNING. Well last night I foind out that he lied to me and went out to the bar. He acts stupid when he drinks so I have told him that I don't like him going to the bar without me. i know that sounds mean but if you knew him and knew that we had a 3 month old I might not sound like such a bit*h. Anyways he's lied to me about small things before and I just can't stand it. i have never lied to him. Is this something that i should be concerned about? I know he didn't cheat or anything but I think that trust is a big issue. And now I feel like I can't trust him. Is that how I should feel? Any advice?
2007-02-23 05:54:56 · 26 answers · asked by Regina D 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yes, that IS how you should feel. Not only did he go to a bar withOUT you, he lied about it...and didn't return until the next morning. Three red flags right there. Not to say he's cheating on you but his behavior is VERY condusive to infidelity and it HAS to stop. If it doesn't, he WILL cheat on you. It is a mathematical inevitability...trust me.
When I was a kid, I lied to my mother all the time. The reason I lied is because of the way she blew up when I told her the truth (which most of time was something I did wrong anyway). The point is, had she been a little calmer in dealing with me, I may have told the truth more often. People that are lied to a lot usually overreact to a lot of things. People around them don't want to be blown up at so they either lie, or sugar coat it. Not to say you're the same way but you may want to examine how you react when he's honest with you about something you may not like. No, this is not your fault (I'll deal with him in a minute) but if you try to be calm and rational (which isn't always easy but practice makes perfect) he may not lie to you as much.
Now, as for your husband I don't think he understands that marriage requires sacrifices. Real men understand that once you get married, certain sacrifices have to be made. I'm not saying he should stop going to the bar, but if he's going to go somewhere that could get him in trouble, he needs to bring you...the same goes for you. Girls night out is fine as long as there's minimal risk of "trouble." As far as his lying goes he may need counseling. It's hard for a liar to stop lying...even about things he/she doesn't have to lie about. It took me a little over a year to finally put an end to my lying and it changed my life. I know it won't be easy but you if you love your husband, you will fight for him. Sit him down, get him to counseling, do whatever you have to do. But don't give up.
2007-02-23 06:06:42 · answer #1 · answered by Eddie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he has lied to you in the past about small things, then he has lied to you about BIG things. Says he's going hunting and goes to a bar instead is just not acceptable and not a small lie. He stayed out all night.. .where.. with whom?. Sit the man down and tell him straight out that you do not trust him anymore. He knows he lied and he knows he cannot be trusted. Not a good way to have a relationship.
2007-02-23 06:00:20 · answer #2 · answered by notfreeinnh 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't sound like a B I would tell my husband the same thing(if i was married). Why don't you sit down and talk to him about ti that he can't just go out and come back in at 6:30 am and he has a child he needs to help you with. Also you need to let him know that he needs to stop lying to you. You never know if a man cheated or is cheating so he might be cheating. Check him out good.
2007-02-23 06:03:35 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't trust him to tell the truth. You have clear evidence of that. So it doesn't matter if you should or shouldn't feel that way.
So now, what do you want to do about it?
1. Live with mistrust. You could assume he is lying about everything, and act on that.
2. Make him take responsibility. If you can't trust him, can you stay married to him? If not, tell him that and ask him what he is going to do about it.
3. Read it as a sign that he doesn't want to be married. Get yourself prepared to get out with all you can. Make a good life for you and your baby.
Any of these could work. Depends on what's important to YOU. Don't worry about being a bit*h. Stop thinking about what you SHOULD feel and concentrate on what you DO feel. Then use those feelings to make a rationale plan.
BTW, I agree, most likely sex with other women is involved here. Unless he is quite the drunk.
2007-02-23 06:35:04 · answer #4 · answered by Answer Lady 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes people (not just men) lie about small, relatively unimportant things to avoid being chastised about doing the things they want to do. This may be true in this case.
However, if what he wants to do is go to the bar without you and get drunk on a regular basis, then you should be questioning whether you really want to be with him. Going out with the boys say once a month or less is not unreasonable, but more than that is a problem.
2007-02-23 06:09:46 · answer #5 · answered by wijit13 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dump his a**.
Look, men AND women lie to avoid accountability or expending energy in a predictable blow-out fight.
He is not single, and shouldn't be going to the bar like THAT without you.
If you think he is out there just innocently chatting with friends, then you have yourself snowed.
Your expectations aren't "mean." You deserve the same amount of respect that you give him. Lies really do a number on the marriage.
I wouldn't put up with it, and frankly, my husband wouldn't put up with it if I were doing something like your husband was.
Don't put up with it. We've learned a few things from 14 years of marriage.
2007-02-23 06:51:46 · answer #6 · answered by K H 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A man with a 3-month-old baby who lies to his wife so he can go hang out at a bar. I'm sorry, but you've got yourself a real piece of work there.
IMO you need to go to a marriage counselor to find out why you are with this person. He lied to you about other things and you continued in the relationship with him. Where is your self-esteem? In life, we're better off alone than entrusting our emotional care and well-being to a person who will not be honest with us and who we cannot trust.
A three-month-old baby whose daddy lies so he can ditch mommy and go to the bar for who knows what. That poor little baby. :-(( Sad.
2007-02-23 06:14:59 · answer #7 · answered by Karin C 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People lie to hide something. It sounds like he went girl hunting at the bar.
2007-02-23 05:59:57 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's trying to save the fight by lying, but doesn't have the smarts to think about what it's going to do to your relationship in the future.. He's going to do what he wants. Let him know honesty isn't something that can be compromised. If he can't be truthful, he needs to move on. Baby or not, you have to have a good relationship with the one you love. If not, everyone, baby included, will be miserable.
2007-02-23 06:00:45 · answer #9 · answered by Roland'sMommy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it must be something in the air cause my husband is the same way! he is the best hubby and daddy but omg the SMALLEST lies are getting to me also... example : he calls from the cell me: hey babe wwhats up? him: can i have the number to zgrill me: sure hold on me: why do you wanna order something for dinner for you ? him : no i just want to give jason (his friend at work ) the # me: oh ok the # is .... him: oh i thought that was it, i just tried that but there was nop answer me: oh i thought you just wanted it for jason , but you just tried calling it , to order something? him: ummm yeah this doesnt sound like anything but when it happens time and time again 2-5 times a day they start adding up. why is it soooo hard for them just to tell the 100% truth ? i can trust him 100% with the big stuff but the little stuff i cant trust at all i know im not much help but you are not the only one feeling the way you are
2016-05-24 02:53:05 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋